Holiday fall out

[Starleaf]

Ok so I'm on holiday abroad with a friend and her two late teen children. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I packed birthday banners and ordered a cake and a bottle of fizz for her from the hotel. We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do. Got back to hotel got ready for dinner and a night out, maybe a dance bar. All good so far. We had a lovely meal and decided to have a walk and find a bar. We passed several that were either showing football or boxing. Almost at the end of the strip we came to a place that was busy, playing music with people dancing. Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her and asked if she'd like a drink. She said she didn't like the bar and was leaving.
I'll admit I wad pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own. I got back to our room (2 bed apt) and went to the bathroom. When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why and she suddenly became very angry. She said as it was her birthday I should have done everything she wanted.
She has since told me she doesn't want anything more to do with me, I spoiled her birthday and that our friendship is finished.
I told her she was behaving immaturely. We haven't really spoken since, and they've now gone out for dinner leaving me in the room.
AIBU to think she'd had the whole day doing what she wanted, could she not have stayed at the bar for one drink, and has she over reacted?

Could you post the mug back to her once you get home, but not pay the postage, so that she has to go to the post office & pay the fee before finding out what it is? Make sure the address is typed so that she doesn't recognise your handwriting

It's evil and I love it.

@BerylStreep,what the op spent or did,doesnt make the holiday friend less offensive.Shes in the wrong ,not the op

Agree dustarr that Beryl and mummydragon are so totally in the minority, bet they haven't even rtt...

Really hope all went ok at the airport, flight and landing OP. What a horrible thing to have happened to you and I think you handled it all very well.

I would have to leave the mug behind, it would upset me too much. Hugs for you xx

iwillrunan
Dustarr
Please do explain why agreeing with a pp that op went to a lot more effort for her friend than most - and assumedly the woman’s adult children - is so offensive? I was told to get off the thread, which is quite bullying as is insinuating I haven’t rtt.

I have been commenting on the thread since the day of posting, last Wednesday. In the context of the thread and having been through the emotional pain with op for the past 5 days, I actually don’t think Beryls question is odd at all. She is wondering if op has been manipulated by this woman for a very long time. I see her comment as supportive of the op, not critical.

Are you getting off on being mean girls?

@Mummyoflittledragon it’s not being competitive, it’s just considered being nice and considerate or doing something fun in some circles. Again, nothing malicious, just different from what you do. And don’t also discount that some people are willing and able to spend that much on friends. Just because you can’t afford to do it or won’t doesn't mean others should forgo it as well. Try not to let that chip on your shoulder weigh you down too much. As another poster said, it really doesn’t matter what the OP did for this woman’s birthday it looks like a falling out was going to be manufactured no matter what.

Anyway @Starleaf, I hope you get back home alright and in one (emotional) piece.

How was the flight? @Starleaf hope it wasn’t too awful and you got to waltz off away from the airport in your pre arranged transport and left them standing waiting for a taxi

@JingsMahBucket
There is nothing wrong with wondering if op feels obliged to make a massive effort for this woman for fear of rejection, especially as it seems the adult children from my understanding weren’t involved in this process. This in itself I find odd. It seems you don’t.

I can of course fully understand a group of people doing this for an individual or even throwing a surprise party at someone’s house but this situation feels different. It feels as though one person has to do all the work and everyone else decides whether or not it’s acceptable based on the reaction of the birthday girl.

Ironically I actually think we are on the same page about making friends to feel special on their birthday and it really would have been nice to be asked what I meant from the start instead of straight off insulting me.

Can we all just stop arguing now please because this is very silly?

I'm home!
I left the maid some money, she was lovely and did a great job keeping our apartment clean all week. Friend and girls left nothing.
They'd paid their room tax, so just had mine to pay. They were sitting in reception, silent and long faced when I checked out. Took myself outside and waited for the coach in the shade.
Found two spare seats on coach for the 70 minute transfer. Outside the airport they passed me, her eldest smiled and gave me a little wave which was nice. When I had my case I went inside, friend approached me and said "we have to check in together." I carried on walking and joined one of the queues, was aware they were behind me. Got my book out and had a read while waiting...for ages!
At check in we gave the young man our passports. I asked if the flight wasn't full would it be possible to sit elsewhere, think at first he thought I was joking. When he realised I wasn't he gave me a seat two rows ahead of them. I thanked him handed friend their three passports and left. That's the last I saw of them until passport control in UK.
Flight was a little delayed so was late getting home.
Just want to answer a couple of your questions. Don't usually do this much for friends birthday, a small gift and card, but during our last holiday together it was my birthday. She ordered a cake for me which was lovely. I really enjoyed my birthday, and just wanted to do the same for her.
I didn't ask the girls outright if they'd like to help with the cost of cake, but I gave them every opportunity to get involved and they chose not to. They were also aware I'd packed banners, and would have to wait until friend was asleep before putting them up as we were sharing a room. At no point did they offer to hang them, would have been easier for them to do it.
One thing friend said on Wednesday morning when she again became aggressive, was that I need to stop drinking...I have a problem. She does have the occasional drink, but is anti drinking. Her mother was an alcoholic, she told me this herself. She became very upset when youngest turned 18 and started going to pubs with friends, and does not like alcohol in the house.
I am not a heavy drinker, I suffer migraine and also have TN, but I do enjoy a glass of wine with my meals and the odd cocktail while on holiday. At home I usually only drink at weekends, I eat low carb (helps the TN) so I'm mindful of how much I drink.
What really bugged me with her saying this to me was, although she rarely drinks, she smokes weed (as she calls it) all day every day. Could that account for her behaviour do you think?
Anyway I'm home and the sun is shining. Hopefully she'll not send the email.
Thank you all for your replies, they really helped me get through the last few days!

Hypocrite much. Anti drinking but smokes weed!

Had you had a couple of drinks on the fateful night and she felt embarrassed at you dancing on your own with too much gay abandon? Perhaps that might explain it?

Glad you got home ok and you seem to have handled yourself very well.An aggressive weed smoker who then becomes sanctimonious about the odd glass of wine and cocktails when on holiday and bullies anyone, let alone a former friend would be enough to send me running for the hills when or if she contacts you again. Delete her from your contacts and get on with your life now. I feel sorry for her daughters to be honest.

My BIL was a long term user of weed. He always worked hard and used his free time to smoke weed. After years of this, he developed paranoia and would suprise is all with angry behaviour and present us all at some point with ad hoc arguements that made no sense whatsoever. My FIL has told us that he has been diagnosed with mental health problems. He is under the care of a councillor and doctor. His doctor thinks its possible that his long term werd habit has caused his mental illness. I would stay away from the drama and look after yourself.

I know someone who smoked weed a lot. It definitely changed her personality. She was bad tempered at times and the most paranoid person I've ever met.

Also I don't suppose the stress has helped with your migraines. All over you going for a dance. Really cannot believe the over reaction. Any normal person would have either joined you or sat down and got a drink.

When I was much younger, I had an extremely abusive ex who was a heavy weed smoker from his early teenage years onwards. He was very volatile with extreme mood swings. I had always assumed that anyone smoking this stuff would be very laidback and mellow. This was the kind of message films and media led me to believe. However, I since realised that some long term and intensive people react extremely paranoid and aggressive. If she had no access to the stuff on the holiday that also could be a contributing factor for her appalling behaviour.

*some long term and intensive smokers react extremely paranoid and aggressive

She's done you a favour OP!

She has had several days to tell you what her problem is but has been too gutless, preferring instead to bully you and then continue this from behind her keyboard when she gets home. Fuck that shit 😠

Absolutely! Chill out op now you're home and forget her.

Well that's a huge drip feed OP.

Was she smoking weed on holiday? If not, she was probably feeling pretty ill/suffering withdrawal

I definitely think you have had a lucky escape here. Is she blocked? I would block her on your phone too. Life is too short for shit like this.

I’m glad you’re home safely. Very well played. I agree that the smoking weed will have a lot to do with it. Dh and I were friendly with a couple many years ago, who smoked daily. They were very rigid in their thinking and a bit odd. She was a school teacher and very much of the opinion that it calmed them down so I suspect some mental health issues. She was quite volatile so you had to really “obey” her. I crossed her once and that was the end of the friendship. It was a real shame as her dds was so lovely and I’d struck up a really nice friendship with them. Truth be told I preferred the kids to her.

The weed would explain a lot!

She's done you a favour; you don't need people like that in your life. Say goodbye (mentally) and don't look back.

I feel for her daughters. They will eventually face the same irrational wrath of hypocrite mummy. Poor things.

Glad you got home safe and were able to change your seat.

I would say her weed addiction is much worse than your odd drink. She's going to end up very lonely and bitter!

Glad you got home ok. I don't really know what to say but try not to let the whole thing upset you too much.

I would block from all of your SM now. Delete any emails and spam her emails don't read them and let the friendship expire. You are home, you are well, and no a few glasses of wine and a cocktail on holiday does not constitute a drink problem.

If she had any intention of continuing the friendship or even being a decent human being she would have made the effort to talk about what had happened, and put it to one side for everyone's sake. Even if you simply agree to disagree and saw the holiday through. Her behaviour was verging on bullying and totally unacceptable.

I would call it a day and go out with some other friends for the next few weeks. Not all friendships last a life time.

She's got a cheek, having a go at you for having a couple of drinks when she's getting high.

Wow! Just RTFT.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
This will bother her most. And then you can move on with your life being happy and not being angry like she is!