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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holiday fall out

484 replies

Starleaf · 26/09/2018 18:32

Ok so I'm on holiday abroad with a friend and her two late teen children. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I packed birthday banners and ordered a cake and a bottle of fizz for her from the hotel. We went on a special day trip that I knew she wanted to do. Got back to hotel got ready for dinner and a night out, maybe a dance bar. All good so far. We had a lovely meal and decided to have a walk and find a bar. We passed several that were either showing football or boxing. Almost at the end of the strip we came to a place that was busy, playing music with people dancing. Just as we went in a song I love came on and I went to dance beckoning for my friend to follow. She didn't so when the song finished I went back to join her and asked if she'd like a drink. She said she didn't like the bar and was leaving.
I'll admit I wad pissed off at this point and walked out with my friend and kids following. I didn't walk fast but she hung back and the three of them stopped at a market, so I was on my own. I got back to our room (2 bed apt) and went to the bathroom. When I came out one of her kids was sleeping in her bed, and she'd gone to the other bedroom. I asked her why and she suddenly became very angry. She said as it was her birthday I should have done everything she wanted.
She has since told me she doesn't want anything more to do with me, I spoiled her birthday and that our friendship is finished.
I told her she was behaving immaturely. We haven't really spoken since, and they've now gone out for dinner leaving me in the room.
AIBU to think she'd had the whole day doing what she wanted, could she not have stayed at the bar for one drink, and has she over reacted?

OP posts:
pictish · 30/09/2018 12:07

I like a smoke of weed and I’m not horrible to my friends on holiday, behaving like a 9 yr old. Don’t think the weed explains anything really. She’s just a self-centred, moody cow who has behaved appallingly to a friend.
She’ll come to regret this extended tantrum of hers. But tough.

dustarr73 · 30/09/2018 12:26

Glad you got home ok op.

Whereismumhiding2 · 30/09/2018 12:34

Glad you're home OP and that you got through it all. Your ExF is a bully and ..yes smoking a lot of weed or withdrawal from it can cause mood swings and paranoia. Other PPs have said so.too.

Regardless, she has form for this type of behaviour and is gradually losing her friends.
She bullied you shockingly on holiday, really nasty behaviour when you were alone and vulnerable. You came through it and will be fine. Unlike your ExF who'll be a Bettynomates soon enough.

Talk with your friends (selectively) how bullying she was. And cut her access off to you on SM/phone etc.

You don't need her in your life. It's her loss not yours.
I'm sure plenty of other friends would appreciate your kind heart and close friendship. She's shot herself in the foot really and that's a lot of years (40-50!) of the joy of having a lovely friend that she's lost out on!

WillowKnicks · 30/09/2018 12:45

Well done OP

You took control back from the situation.

She will have expected you to have still been upset & bewildered, blanking you on the plane & then sending her vile email when you got home!

That won't have been the reaction she expected...well done!

Whereismumhiding2 · 30/09/2018 12:46

@WillowKnicks put it better than I did!

KathDayKnight50 · 30/09/2018 13:13

You've handled this awful situation with so much class and dignity, OP.

Your ex-friend will have had the wind well and truly taken out of her sails. Now, she is left with herself.

Wonder what stunt she will try next?!

beanaseireann · 30/09/2018 13:42

Did she use weed on holiday.
If so did she bring it with her ( quite a risk bringing it through the airport) or buy it there?
Does she smell of weed ?
Does her house smell of it ?

GabsAlot · 30/09/2018 13:46

she was prob having withdrawals but ive still never acted like that when i dont smoke

Starleaf · 30/09/2018 13:56

beanaseireann you're just reminded me that although she never smoked weed during the holiday, she left some (well packaged) at mine for her journey home. We live in different towns and I live closer to the airport. She drove to me and left her car at mine. I'll have to go see how much she left...and put it in the bin.

OP posts:
pictish · 30/09/2018 13:57

I agree her behaviour was that of a bully. You were vulnerable on your own, whereas she has the support of her daughters...and well she knew it. You don’t expect the Mean Girls (you can’t sit with us) treatment on holiday with a friend do you?
Even if she had a justified gripe (which it doesn’t sound like she did, but just for the sake of argument), it was still an appalling way for her to conduct herself.

I certainly wouldn’t be looking to rekindle the friendship. She has inadvertently done you a favour by giving you an out. Take it. X

Starleaf · 30/09/2018 13:58

Meant to also say her car was gone by the time I arrived home.

OP posts:
maskingtherealme · 30/09/2018 14:05

Keep us updated as to unhinges friends behaviour etc after all this.

Do you have mutual friends that will now know of the fallout?

Maisymoo22 · 30/09/2018 14:22

So glad you’re home op, and without too much interaction with her.
It’ll be interesting to know if she has the gall to contact you (not talking about the email) to continue the friendship 🤔

CoughLaughFart · 30/09/2018 14:32

just reminded me that although she never smoked weed during the holiday, she left some (well packaged) at mine for her journey home. We live in different towns and I live closer to the airport. She drove to me and left her car at mine. I'll have to go see how much she left...and put it in the bin.

Smoke it and send a selfie to her 😛

CoughLaughFart · 30/09/2018 14:34

The thing that strikes me is the amount of effort you went to for her birthday. Perfume, fizz, personalised mug, cake, card. I find that strange between two adult women. Do you feel you need to go to a lot of effort to gain her approval? Does (did) she reciprocate to the same degree?

One of the OP’s previous posts mentioned that this woman has fallen out with other friends on previous birthdays. Maybe she felt pressure to make a fuss as she knew low-key wouldn’t go down well? Sounds like it still wasn’t enough!

Paintingtheroseswhite · 30/09/2018 14:40

Been lurking on here op and am glad you are home. I'll lay odds in a few weeks she will have some sort of drama/medical scare etc and the "flying monkeys" (ie mutual friends, eldest daughter) will be despatched to try to haul you back in when she realises you are not playing any more

Lollypop701 · 30/09/2018 14:48

Flying monkeys Grin
I’m with the photo with a spliff... even if it’s fake!

alifromtheforest · 30/09/2018 14:50

This is the second thread I've read about horrendous holiday behaviour from friends. I feel so sorry for you OP, I really do. She's treated you shockingly. Well done on keeping your dignity and at least you can see her true colours now.

WineWineWine for you!! 😂

Starleaf · 30/09/2018 15:44

CoughLaughFart that made me laugh! I would only I'm an ex smoker. Haven't smoked for almost four years.
She left it all in a plastic lunch box, the weed, papers, some cigarettes, grinder and a couple of other bits. Wonder if she'll want it back?

OP posts:
bettytaghetti · 30/09/2018 15:56

You mean to say that she planned to smoke weed whilst driving home with her daughters in the car with her? Well that would certainly explain some of the shit driving on the roads if this is becoming 'normal' Confused

LuluBellaBlue · 30/09/2018 16:19

Well done OP, and don’t offer to give it back to her, if bin it! (Or smoke it) Grin

Yoksha · 30/09/2018 16:27

This thread has cemented behaviour I experienced from those whom I considered 'friends' when younger as shit. I too had knots in my stomach RTFT. When you find a true friend, you realise how truly unacceptable such behaviour towards the OP was.

Put her down as a learning curve in what not to tolerate as you move on in your life OP. Glad you're home. Flowers

Aprilislonggone · 30/09/2018 16:59

Package it up without postage paid. She will have to collect +pay from the post office.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 30/09/2018 17:18

I wonder if one of her daughters made a positive remark about you and the friend got jealous?

AlpacaPicnic · 30/09/2018 17:26

Do what Aprilislonggone said... But package it up in the mug first - if you bought it back with you that is...