Nursery shortening DDs name? Possibly UR and more WWYD?

[Isntitjustaname]

DDs name is a fairly old but still common name (think Lillian or similar but not that). It’s 3 syllables easy to say and I know I am bias but very nice.

Nursery shorten her name (so to say Lily) but DD has said she doesn’t like it, her name is Lillian.

I’ve asked Nursery not to shorten it and use the name, but the Manager just says “Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”.

I have no issue with the Nursery other than this and I wouldn’t bother if DD wanted to be called Lily but she doesn’t she wants to be Lillian, which is fine by me as that’s her name. I won't remove her just on this issue as it's an outstanding private nursery and as I said no other issues than this.

WWYD? DD only says to me at home “My name is Lillian, not Lily or Lill” but she’s very quiet at Nursery and doesn’t really speak much (so I’m told) so don’t think she’d be able to say “My name is Lillian”

My dickhead brother calls my sona. Different name. I had my da when he was a toddler teained to sing ‘thats not my name. Thas not my name.’

@DorasBob - how is someone supposed to have a ‘strong sense of self’ if they aren’t allowed to choose what they want to be called?? And how is it ‘affectionate’ to call someone by a name they hate?

Your posts are so full of contradiction it is untrue.

As a teacher, I think it's very important to respect the way parents/students want to be called - whether that's by their full name, or a diminutive. That should start at nursery, and then carry on all the way through (I teach older students). It's not my place, or any teacher's place, to decide how a child 'should' be called!

”...Because ultimately Kate, no one but you gives a fuck, and what does it matter anyway...”

Well, actually I DO care if I upset someone - I certainly wouldn’t want to do it deliberately, by using a name they hate. I ‘give a fuck’ about the feelings of others - surely most decent people do? And it matters because it is plain nasty to upset someone on purpose. I’m a bit baffled that this needs to be explained.

I doubt they are trying to upset a nursery age child on purpose, honestly what a ridiculous thing to say.

They are using a diminutive they find cute, probably as sign of affection. They are hardly intent on devastaing her.

My point is that is ridiculous to encourage a child to be upset by someone using a standard shortening of their name. Correct them if you like, and yes it's common courtesy to address people how they would like to be addressed, but going around becoming upset/offended when someone calls you Alex instead of Alexandra is a ridiculous waste of energy, and creating drama for no fucking reason.

HTH

If my "Lard Arse" suggestion isn't good enough, you could point out that they're going against 2 of the 4 guiding principles of the EYFS.

every child is a unique child, who is constantly learning and can be resilient, capable, confident and self-assured - Calling them something that upsets them does not give a child confidence. It undermines their unique identity every time it's said.

children learn to be strong and independent through
positive relationships - It's not a positive relationship if they're deliberately upsetting a child. It's an unkind relationship that lacks respect.

The nursery is totally and utterly wrong. It is something you never do. If they can be so totally utterly wrong over something so simple I dread to think what else they get up to that hasn't been found out.

The nursery's probably a satanic cult Goldenbug, or at least a peodophile ring. I've heard that calling children called Thomas 'Tom' can be one of the first signs.

Good grief.

They are using a diminutive they find cute, probably as sign of affection

So a great lesson for kids - particularly female ones - shut up, someone thinks it cute. Be cute. Let people find you cute, even if you don't like it.

My point is that is ridiculous to encourage a child to be upset by someone using a standard shortening of their name

No, it's ridiculous to teach kids not to speak up for themselves.

It's the 'Ignore the parents/child-I know better attitude' that's worrying. I wonder if a parent sets a sleep limit they ignore it? I wonder if they respect the diets of vegetarians? I wonder if they think some allergies are "made up" and can be ignored?

They should call her by her name if that’s what she prefers, but I’m guessing they are shortening it out of affection not malice. If she has name which lends itself to being shortened she will probably be correcting to people for the rest of her life so she’d better start learning to stand up for herself. My ds has the opposite problem, he prefers the shortened version of his name and some teachers insist on using the full moniker. My dd sometimes gets called by my name which is quite similar to hers - we both answer to both.

We gave our son a three-syllable name which we always assumed we would shorten - say Christopher, to be called Chris (not actually that but similar). My DH particularly wanted a name that had an obvious nickname. However since he was old enough to express an opinion, DS2 has chosen to go by Christopher rather than Chris. Nursery and now school have always totally respected his choice on that, as I would expect - even though I tend to call him Chris myself! Mainly because I don't want to be seen as "that parent" who insists on the full name at all times!

Definitely encourage her to say "No, Lily isn't my name, my name is Lillian" and even not to answer to Lily. The staff are being rude by calling her a different name to a) what is on her birth certificate and b) her birth name!

I have a name that can be shortened to something which isn't the nicest of words. So imagine its Natasha and I get called Tache! LOADS of people call me the nickname and it drives me insane. I like my full name and its not lots of syllables. When I politely say, "Sorry but I hate being called Tache. Please can you call me Natasha?" I get accused of being precious or princessy. No...I just hate the nickname and also...its not my actual name!

I agree its often done to be affectionate or assume a sense of informality. But its also only right that the person whose name is being shortened should be able to say they don't like it. Its a bit rude to expect people to just put up with it!

b) is supposed to say preferred name!

@ShadyLady53 - until I read some of the responses on this thread, I would have been shocked that anyone could get abuse for wanting to be called by their chosen name. Luckily posters like DorasBob have taught me that it is just fine to ignore someone when they express their choice, and to call them wet or uptight for thinking that an unwanted nickname is anything other than affectionate.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I take it since this is your ?third post directed at me that you are the sort of person who takes offence when someone uses a diminutive of your name and demonstrates the cats bum face?

crosses road

Thank you all for your views, will talk to Nursery again, I am certain it's not meant to offend as they really are brilliant.

This is really disrespectful, I am a childcare provider and I respect the wishes of the parents and the child (if they are old enough to express their preferred name), it's fucking rude not to.

I had the opposite issue in school, I had a teacher insist that my perfectly normal and a relatively common name must be a shortened version of another (think Amy to Amity) so she used that instead, going so far as to write it on my books one of the few times my mother ever stuck up for me in my school years.

Sorry to disappoint, @DorasBob, but although I prefer the most common shortening of my name, I don’t take offence is someone uses a different one - I don’t even, as I said earlier, get cross when someone refuses to use the name I prefer even when I ask politely.

I do get catsbum mouth when someone is nasty about people who want to be called a particular name/nickname and get upset when people refuse.

You, on the other hand, seem to wear your harsh attitude with pride.

I had a similar peoblem as a child, my mother drilled into me that any wrong name was met with “ no , my name is (name)”. It worked no ever called me anything else and the horrible name change soon stopped.

The eyfs actually states that practitioners should always use children's full names.

That seems wrong too, @candlefloozy - surely it is best practice to use the name the child is used to and/or prefers?

I didn't think it was in the eyfs specifically but I'd consider it to come under personal development within pse, as a part of that is teaching children to have respect for others and feeling confident in their own identity, under which their choice of name would come under (and others not using it relating to them learning that it's okay to not respect others identity choices in much the same way).

That's a bloody cheek of them to do that, just because they say Lily sounds cute - that's not your little girl's name. Insist that they call her by her actual name. I'd be quite annoyed if it were me

That’s really cheeky of the nursery manager.
If I was pre menstrual enough I’d start calling her mutton chops and tell her it’s because it really suits her.

I had this done to me over 30 years ago. Teacher insisted on calling me a shortened version of my name because "it's cute and my niece loves it". My mum clearly put this lasy straight at a parents evening. It's a basic level of respect which should exist regardless of age.