Nursery shortening DDs name? Possibly UR and more WWYD?

[Isntitjustaname]

DDs name is a fairly old but still common name (think Lillian or similar but not that). It’s 3 syllables easy to say and I know I am bias but very nice.

Nursery shorten her name (so to say Lily) but DD has said she doesn’t like it, her name is Lillian.

I’ve asked Nursery not to shorten it and use the name, but the Manager just says “Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”.

I have no issue with the Nursery other than this and I wouldn’t bother if DD wanted to be called Lily but she doesn’t she wants to be Lillian, which is fine by me as that’s her name. I won't remove her just on this issue as it's an outstanding private nursery and as I said no other issues than this.

WWYD? DD only says to me at home “My name is Lillian, not Lily or Lill” but she’s very quiet at Nursery and doesn’t really speak much (so I’m told) so don’t think she’d be able to say “My name is Lillian”

[CountArthursgroupie]

When I started work - a LONG time ago - a young Indian girl with a strong accent and long name started at the same time. We all stumbled over her name, and were relieved when the manager told us that she had said she could also be called Misha, which we all started doing. Until we realized she had said " Call me Miss Shah! ". Still makes me cringe...

[Isntitjustaname]

Sorry thought I'd come back and posted an update clearly not.

I needed to send an email to the room managers manager about something else so I just put at the bottom before signing off

"Lillian has said to me that she doesn't like being called Lily or Lil at Nursery. Easy mistake to make when there's so many children and I know the ladies in (room name) are only trying to be affectionate but she prefers her longer name, it's probably a phase you know what children are like, but is it ok to remind staff that her name is Lillian".

She came back and apologised saying they didn't mean to cause upset and she'd remind all staff to refer to children by their preferred name. I've not heard her called by the shortened version since and she hasn't told me she's been called that either.

[flyingspaghettimonster]

If your daughter really dislikes it she needs to be able to articulate that for herself otherwise you are going to come across as a bit ridiculous to the nursery... when. I was a kid I once went to call on a girl on our block called Marianne. She had ASKED me to call her Marie. She hated her full name. So I turn up on the doorstep and cheerfully say to her Mum "Hello Mrs. XYZ, is Marie home please?" And the woman glares at me and says "there is no-one with name here" and shut the door in my face! I was shocked as it seemed so rude for an adult to do that. Then she opened the door and said "there IS a Marianne..." it just seemed like the weirdest thing to me as a kid. A
I felt so bad for her daughter who clearly thought he mum was being a pretentious twat about it. So make sure if you kick up a fuss your daughter really does dislike her nickname and it isn't you just projecting your wishes onto her.

[oldsockeater]

Of course they should call her the correct name and she should be able to assert herself (when she's a bit older)
On the other hand this will happen throughout life, so you should also help her understand that it's OK for people to use a shortened version. People mean it kindly so there's no point getting upset.
I wonder why parents bother calling a child something like Elizabeth or stephanie if they dislike the idea of it being shortened. They'd be be better off with jane or Emma that are less likely to be altered

[flowergrrl77]

How have the nursery responded this time?

[Janeybobs]

I have a Lilian and taught her to say my name is Lilian not Lily and I corrected others endlessly. Sometimes felt a bit of an arse doing it but actually it’s quite rude not to take note and use someone’s correct name.

[MrsFezziwig]

I have a long name and have been using a shortened version for many years. If someone calls me by my longer name because, for example, they have seen it on a form, I don’t bother about it if I am just having a passing encounter with them. If, however, they were likely to be calling me by my name on repeated occasions then I would tell them what I prefer to be called. I have never had a problem with anyone insisting that they know better than me what my name is (luckily I have never had the misfortune to encounter DorasBob in my daily life).

Can’t really follow the logic of the nursery staff using the wrong name “it’s cute and it suits her” well they could call her Tweetypie because it’s cute and it suits her but it wouldn’t be her name!

[ambostraw]

'It's cute and it suits her'

'It's not her name'

[Mummyof0ne]

They’re being horrendously rude!!
I would put my foot down x

[kateandme]

i had the opposite. my whole life school refused to use my shortened name.noone else ever used it .from birth ive been the shortened version.but it did make a huge problem, because the teachers wouldn't use the shortened then my friends now couldn't as that would have been so complicated and weird!so then unfortunately my closest friends didn't use known name and preffered name.
.i still find it odd now when I run into old friends or teachers and they call me my full name.

[minimalisthoarder]

Good opportunity to put your foot down and demonstrate to your daughter that what is most important for her is not her cuteness.

[PurpleFlower1983]

I’m a bit guilty of this as a teacher (shortening longer names) but I would never continue to call a child by a shortened name if a parent/child was in any way unhappy about it. I always check with the child if it’s ok for me to call them that.

[Thatstheendofmytether]

I really want to say what my name is but far too outing. I have a name on my birth certificate which I use for paper work etc. I also jave a shprtedned name that i use more regularly. Some people I introduce myself to as my full name some the shortened name. Family and friends have always used the shortened version and I'm sure some don't even realise I have a "proper" name because the nick name is used as a proper name sometimes too. I domt mind either of these names but, I often have people use neither of them, they shorten it but not properly and I bloody well hate it! It grates on me every time someone says it to me. Unfortunately I've never been brave enough to stop them because it's usually friends that do it.

[Karmagician]

I’m afraid I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about this too. A couple of the staff at my son’s nursery used to shorten his name constantly and we brought it up a couple of times with the manager, although weirdly it felt really awkward and finicky to do so. Since he’s been at school the problem has been with a couple of the workers at his After-School club doing this (not teachers) and again I feel weird complaining about it so try to get him to respond to them directly when they say it. I actually really like the shortened version of his name as well as the longer one, but think there is plenty of time for him to choose that if he wishes when he is older. If other kids shorten his name that’s one thing but I really think that adults should know better than to make assumptions about what name suits a child best!

[Peraltiago]

My sister has a three syllable name that can have a one syllable nickname (like Jennifer/Jen but not that), she’s always been known by the long version, my DM hated shortening names and Dsis never liked it either. When she went to uni her friends there called her the short version, even though she asked them not to at first, but it became ingrained and she gave up. In the university holidays they used to call up and ask to speak to ‘Jen’, if I got the phone I’d tell them they had a wrong number. If they phoned back again, I’d say ‘oh, there’s no Jen here, but there is a Jennifer, is that who you mean?’ and eventually get her. Deeply childish I know (in my defence I was a teenager ), I just thought it was so rude and disrespectful to ignore someone’s repeated requests to call them by their actual name.

So yes, OP definitely raise it with the nursery - they are not calling her by her name and are upsetting her.

[YearOfYouRemember]

Full name always used within reason . . What reason would it be not too ?

[nearlythesummer]

As she gets older friends will shorten/change her name. It’s a sign of endearment. It’s quite unusual that she finds it upsetting. Does she have any other issues apart from being quiet? I’m sure she’ll overcome this with lots of love and reassurance. Please don’t be too hard on the staff-they sound lovely to me.

[stoplickingthetelly]

Of course your dd should be called by her full name if that's what she prefers. As a secondary teacher I've been getting to know my new year 7 classes and always ask their preferance. E.g Joseph or Joe. I would never dream of shortening a child's name if they prefer to go by the full version.

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I have the same with my daughter's name. Its xxxxxxx and people insist on missing off the first part and changing the ending. My daughter gets very upset. It's not a difficult name to spell or say, it's fairly well known but there are a few versions.

I correct them and tell them the correct version but they almost seem to insist on saying the wrong version. I never thought her name would cause so much upset.

[ThisDontThatNo]

@gowie3112

My son (3) has a double barrel name too, i absolutely hate it when people say just the first half. He doesnt always respond as hes not used to it. Ive told nursery to call him by his full name and they slipped up once. I just called him by his full first name to correct her.

Also when out at gps for eg. If receptionist calls him by first name only, i say do you mean x-x? I get so frustrated by it, how hard is it!

[needsadrinky]

My 3 children all have older traditional names think Jonathan or William the oldest can be used 4 different ways when he was 4 someone called him one of two versions he doesn’t like he turned to them and stated my name is will or William not billy or Willy if you call me those again I will not answer you as they are not my name. A few years later I was called into school and told he was being rude and ignoring a member of staff I said that sounds unlikely so asked him he told me they aren’t using my name mum they keep calling me willy and that is not my name and I have told them that. I stuck up for him and told them to check the school info forms. My youngest doesn’t have his names shortened as he isn’t the short version his preschool teacher kept shortening it I kept telling her off she tried telling me but in a few years he want it shortened, that maybe but at the moment his name is this and that’s that please respect both of us and use his given name. I tell all three of mine to tell people this is my name please use it and I taught them this from a young age tell your daughter the same thing it will hopefully give her the confidence to say it if you’ve told her it’s ok.

[tashac89]

Shortening of names is why for the past 10 years I receive a cheque from my partner's grandfather on my birthday that I cannot cash. Despite it being mentioned a couple of times, he still insists my name is Tasha. I gave up trying and the cheques go in the shredder.

[Gingersdohavesouls]

I went through this for the entirety of my daughters schooling - she has a double-barrelled name and they would either just use the first part of her name or they would shorten it futher to a single syllable version.
Very annoying but I found if I just kept mentioning it, eventually they got the message - except the teacher who kept calling her a completely DIFFERENT double barrelled name! face palm

[pollymere]

My dd has a known as name. You always know the teachers who don't know her when she gets referred to by her full name. If she wants to be called Lillian, I would suggest to her that she only responds to Lillian. They'll soon stop using Lily if she fails to respond to it.

[AllTakenSoRubbishUsername]

Make the point a little more strongly, also suggest to your daughter not to reply if the wrong name is used, maybe make a game out of it at home to practise!