Nursery shortening DDs name? Possibly UR and more WWYD?

[Isntitjustaname]

DDs name is a fairly old but still common name (think Lillian or similar but not that). It’s 3 syllables easy to say and I know I am bias but very nice.

Nursery shorten her name (so to say Lily) but DD has said she doesn’t like it, her name is Lillian.

I’ve asked Nursery not to shorten it and use the name, but the Manager just says “Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”.

I have no issue with the Nursery other than this and I wouldn’t bother if DD wanted to be called Lily but she doesn’t she wants to be Lillian, which is fine by me as that’s her name. I won't remove her just on this issue as it's an outstanding private nursery and as I said no other issues than this.

WWYD? DD only says to me at home “My name is Lillian, not Lily or Lill” but she’s very quiet at Nursery and doesn’t really speak much (so I’m told) so don’t think she’d be able to say “My name is Lillian”

Another one saying YANBU. Your DD should be called by her full name, if that's what she wants. Nurseries/schools should check this. My DD has a long and unusual name, but we only use a shortened version of this; we have always put her shortened name in brackets and underlined after her full name on school registration forms etc - and they have always double checked with us as well.

I did once see a letter from a teacher to a member of the school office staff, saying the MissHooHa's full name is X. It said: "what a mouthful - thank God Mum and Dad call her Y". It still amuses me now.

Bloody hell, what a fuss about nothing.
My brother is David, not Dave, doesn't like it. Still gets called it all the time, as it's a standard shortening. He just gets on with things, and doesn't raise an eyelid. When you pick a name you surely check what the shortenings are and if you can stand them
Don't raise her to be one of those wet, stick up the arse 'My name is Elizabeth, NOT Liz' people

Don't raise her to be one of those wet, stick up the arse 'My name is Elizabeth, NOT Liz' people

My Mum spent her entire life telling presumptuous dickheads not to be so rude as to decide what her name was. She was Elizabeth, not any of the shortenings. Because she chose to be.

although as a teenager I could get her blood pressure sky high by calling her Betty

my dd went through a similar phase of insisting we use her full name, even though we've actually always called her the diminutive or a derivative nickname.

Your DD has a right to have her wishes respected, it might be 'cute' but if she doesn't like the shortened name, she has the right to expect her full and proper name be used.

Speak to them again.

Don't raise her to be one of those wet, stick up the arse 'My name is Elizabeth, NOT Liz' people

But her name is full version, I chose it because I liked it. I also like any of the short versions (there's a couple) so would be happy if she wanted to be any of those too, but she doesn't, she wants to be the full version which is her name

We have had similar issues starting school. My DS has a 4 sillabul name. Quite common, as is the 2 sillabul 4 letter shortened. However he hates it! And he is very vocal about it. He can come across as rude when he keeps telling people - but why should he be continually called by a name other than the one he has (yes BIL I am looking at you!)

Before he became vocal about it he simply didnt respond to it - as if he didnt understand it was him people were talking to. This did make him look shy - which that boy has never been!!

We have the opposite problem in that my daughter has always been known as the shortened version, but now she’s started at nursery they are all using the full version. I know that that’s because it’s on the paperwork etc but I’ve told them what she’s known as and it makes it seem impersonal/like they don’t really know her when they aren’t using her chosen name!

My sons name is one that people should be able to pronounce but they can't.
My daughters is Victoria. With my son we taught him to tell the people to say his name properly and he did. My daughters name has not been shortened only by 1 girl in the class and i assume they know a Vicky elsewhere.
However we did teach her to say "my name is Victoria I'm too pretty to be a Vicky" wrong I know
But it rhymed- kinda. No offence to any vickys out there.

Quite frankly, if they can’t get something as basic as her name right, what else are they bad at?

Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”.

I know it’s cute but Lilian doesn’t like and it’s upsetting her so could you not use it please.

My name has 3 variations, the long version on my birth cert I was called by my parents when they were annoyed, I have for the last 50 years been called a shortened version, then started a new job and because they took my name from my passport to set up my email etc I am now back to being my long version again with the exception of my manager who calls me Jen.

Bluewidow, I cannot believe you taught your daughter to say something so ridiculous

This,would really annoy me, DH has a name that has two other shortening, he is known outside of home by both f the diminutives, by people who chose to call him that, without his encouragement. I have always called DH by his full name, which is his preference, apparently it started at school as it was such a common name, so each boy was given either full name, 1st diminutive, or second diminutive.

As a result, my DH and I both chose uncommon names that were impossible to shorten for our dc! Neither children have ever gone by any other names! If this had happened to either of my children at school I would be very forthright with telling the teachers that it was upsetting them/ that my children did not identify with the shortened names.

My maiden name was along the lines of Bucket/Bouquet. My nephew was frequently called DNBucket at school. He would not answer until he was called DNBouquet. Not in a rude way - he was just oblivious until he heard HIS name called!

I have an Alexander known as Sasha. First day at new nursery, “Oh, Sasha’s full name is Alexander? We’ll call him Alex”.

Me: (big smile) “No, you’ll call him Sasha”.

I’m in Canada and people are ok with being much blunter/ruder here. But I’m not letting some complete random in nursery change my child’s name for me the first time they meet him. That’s significantly ruder than anything I could say to them, especially when there is a cultural component to the name change (“I’m calling you something more English”). It reminds me of new maids going into service having their name changed to Mary by their employer “because that’s what the last one was called”.

No one has the right to shorten another person's name or give them a nickname, however cute, without their consent.

This is a bit full on, isn't it Becky?
Calling someone called Joseph 'Joe' is hardly literal violence.

Could you get her a badge or jumper with her name on it? only partly joking

YANBU, a name is a name and should be used at your request. I would ask to see the manager, and nicely advice that her name is Lillian, that is what she answers to and you don't want nicknames used at this age.

DD has always been say "Suzanne" , but has never been known as Sue, ever. If it happens naturally as she grows up, so be it, I am not precious about it, but we have never ever abbreviated it. Plus the abbreviation of her real name, could actually be for 2 or 3 different names.

My dad is called say "William". He has always been known as that. Some people have tried to call him Bill over the years, but he never answers to it as it is not his name. Same as a friend called Andrew who has never answered to Andy.

Stick up for your DD now. You are not being precious about it, you are just asking that they use the correct name.

My name is Victoria and as a child I absolutely hated being called Vicky. I don't mind as much know although if someone asks me if I'm a Victoria or a Vicky I always give my full name.

Calling someone called Joseph 'Joe' is hardly literal violence

No it’s not literal violence, but it is rude as fuck to do it when you know they don’t like it.

”...Don't raise her to be one of those wet, stick up the arse 'My name is Elizabeth, NOT Liz' people...”

Someone’s name is pretty integral to their identity, surely, @DorasBob - so how can it be ‘wet’ to want to be called by the name you prefer? It is pretty arrogant to assume that you know better than another person what name THEY should be called!

I have chosen to be called by a shortening of my full name that my mum really dislikes - I changed from being known by my full name when I went to university as a mature student - it was part of my new life there, and quickly became a central part of my identity.

There are still some people who know me from before University, who knew me by my full name, but in most cases, when I ask them to call me by the nickname, they agree with no question. My sister has refused point blank, and this has pissed me off - it feels like a lack of respect. I haven’t made a big deal of it with her, nor have I asked my mum to use the shortened name, because I don’t see them very often, and so it doesn’t seem worth the grief. If we were closer, I would, though.

My mum is one of the people you describe - she gets very cross if people shorten her name, and I respect that - it is her name, after all. Sadly I doubt she would accord me the same respect and use my chosen name.

@isntitjustaname - if I were you, I’d tell the nursery that your dad doesn’t like the nickname and will be upset if they don’t use her full name. Hopefully they will listen to this, and stop using the nickname.

They’re being so rude - effectively they’re saying regardless of the name you gave your daughter, and the name she herself prefers, they like a different version of it so you both should just suck it up! If she’s not known by the shortened version then it’s simply not her name and they shouldn’t use it

Just get their name wrong everytime

@DorasBob
Don't raise her to be one of those wet, stick up the arse 'My name is Elizabeth, NOT Liz' people

I find comments like that so utterly infuriating.. I LOATHE the shortening of my name.. its hideous .. Why in the world should I have to be called a name because someone else chooses to change it?

If Lillian wants to be called Lillian then she gets to decide that. Not some random dude..

thats not being stuck up its having an opinion on your own selfworth.

I just kept correcting the nursery when they shortened my boy's name and made sure on everything it was written down as that it what he likes to be called. One day when I went to pick him up they said to me oh Artie's mum and I was very adamant to her then his name is Arthur and please don't shorten it and we don't at home and he also doesn't like it, he's 6 now and still refuses to answer anyone who shortens his name and corrects them himself. Be firm with them and just say that's not her name so please don't call her that.