Nursery shortening DDs name? Possibly UR and more WWYD?

[Isntitjustaname]

DDs name is a fairly old but still common name (think Lillian or similar but not that). It’s 3 syllables easy to say and I know I am bias but very nice.

Nursery shorten her name (so to say Lily) but DD has said she doesn’t like it, her name is Lillian.

I’ve asked Nursery not to shorten it and use the name, but the Manager just says “Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”.

I have no issue with the Nursery other than this and I wouldn’t bother if DD wanted to be called Lily but she doesn’t she wants to be Lillian, which is fine by me as that’s her name. I won't remove her just on this issue as it's an outstanding private nursery and as I said no other issues than this.

WWYD? DD only says to me at home “My name is Lillian, not Lily or Lill” but she’s very quiet at Nursery and doesn’t really speak much (so I’m told) so don’t think she’d be able to say “My name is Lillian”

[callmeadoctor]

Sashkin, am a bit confused why Alexander is known as Sasha though?

[YeTalkShiteHen]

callmeadoctor it’s an Eastern European shortening of Alexander/Alexandra

[SoozC]

It's pretty rude of them to just assume they can call her a short version when they've been asked to use the full name.

As a teacher I always check what the kids want to be called. This year I have three girls with double names as first names and quickly established that two want to be known by both names together and one doesn't mind being called by just the first. Took about 3 minutes to establish and then they're happy and I know I'm not upsetting them.

Speak to the nursery again.

[DorasBob]

But calling someone with a long name a shortnened version is usually a sign of intimacy/affection.

E.g Calling an Alexandra ‘Alex’ or ‘Al’

Calling Alexandra ‘Alice’ because you prefer this name is weird and rude. But calling Alexandra ‘Al’ is just using a diminutive to imply closeness/affection.

I have a long name and respond to any of the standard shortenings, though I usually introduce myself as the long version, and have a shortened one I prefer. People are usually using a shortened nickname to be nice.

It’s very cats bum face to insist on being called the long version in all circumstances. Very hyancinth Bucket in fact.

[YeTalkShiteHen]

It’s very cats bum face to insist on being called the long version in all circumstances

I find that quite funny, because I think it’s spectacularly arrogant to decide what someone’s name is and ignore what they think. It’s presumptuous too.

[AmericanEskimoDoge]

It's one thing to let it pass when someone you'll never see/deal with on a regular basis calls you by a shortened name, but if it's someone you'll talk to frequently, there's nothing wrong with (or stuck-up about) wanting to be called by your actual name.

It's odd that the people in the nursery were so insistent about the nickname. Very rude to ignore your specific request-- especially after you've indicated that it's not just your preference, but your daughter's as well.

[Yabbers]

Don’t put it on her to correct them. She shouldn’t have to do that so little. But, you could tell her it’s ok not to respond to it😉

[sunshinewithabitofdrizzle]

I had a friend who's dd's name was Gabriella and she insisted that we never used Gabby. Gabriella is a mouthful but of course we agreed, she named her, it was her choice (until the child was old enough to decide for herself).

[DorasBob]

I really doubt the nursery area are intentionally trying to change the child’s name, unless it was something dreadfu (Genevieve?)

They probably just find the child cute, and call her an affectionate nickname hat is standard for the name.
The little girl probably ‘hates’ the nickname because Mum needs smelling salts whenever anyone uses it.

[DeaflySilence]

Get her a t-shirt that says

My name is Lillian, not Lily or Lill
And if you don't call me Lillian
Then I'll call you Bill
(Especially if your name is Susan)!

[WaverleyOwl]

My DS has a name that has 3 short versions (which sound nothing like the full name). I'd hoped to call him one of them, but he will not hear of it. Wants the full thing and I respect that as it's his name! If nursery or school tried to shorten it, and he didn't want this, it is totally okay to tell them to stop it.

[Poodles1980]

I have a name that hat has a very short nick name type useage. I hate when people assume they can call
Me the shorter name. I always correct them because it’s my name and I decide what I am called. My son is the same but at 4 he just corrects people on his name.

[Nightwatch999]

I would be livid if they shortened my DD's name down too despite already asking them not too.

As another PP said, your name is so personal, and i know of one child in DS2 class who's mum still in Y3 is having the same issue with everyone shortening his name down. Not right at all, definitely put it in writing to them.

[HarveySchlumpfenburger]

But calling someone with a long name a shortnened version is usually a sign of intimacy/affection.

Not if they don’t like it it isn’t. It’s a sign of being rude or a bit thick.

[callmeadoctor]

Thank you Yetalk (had no idea) x

[titchy]

Call the nursery manager Geoff and see how she likes it.

[Nellyelora]

It's not the nurseries decision to make. I'd remind them that it's upsetting your dd.

In addition, I'd start calling the manager Karen. If she corrects you then you can tell her that you think it's nicer than Cathy (whatever her real name is), but I'm like that.....

[bertielab]

I ask to speak to the head of the nursery and have a quick meeting.

Then I'd say to Sarah...........or whatever their name is

So Sandra, I have been a bit concerned about a few things. So Sandra I think it is a cute name and it suits you, so I'd like us all to call you Sandra from now on............oh really your name is Sarah. But, Sandra is so much better, so I'll get all the children and parents to call you Sandra from now on shall I?

So bloody disrespectful to the child. Angry here. My DC2 has a very old fashioned name -think Fitzwilliam or something and the nursery called him, William -once -he hated it and refused to speak for the rest of the day. He was loud and corrected them -everytime. I'm not surprised she is quiet. FFS.

[ModreB]

It's about denying that person an identity. I have always been known by the short version of my name, it's MY NAME AND MY IDENTITY. I was only given the long version as my DM was a bit vulnerable and I had to have a saints name.

I do answer to the long version when needed, for example at a new job, but always ask to be called the short version asap. The only people who ignored this was a rubbish English teacher at school, who insisted it was not a name.

If I wanted to be my long name, then again, that is my IDENTITY. Which as a female I find quite important.

[YeTalkShiteHen]

callmeadoctor I only know because DS2 has a Romanian friend called Sasha and his full name is Alexander I really like it, especially since where I live it’s usually shortened to Eck or Alec!

[SheGotBetteDavisEyes]

Don't raise her to be one of those wet, stick up the arse 'My name is Elizabeth, NOT Liz' people

What an odd attitude . I think it's considerably 'wetter' to listen to people calling you something that isn't your name, to not like it but not say anything.

[RomanyRoots]

Find a melody to go with my name is L-i-ll-i-a-n and get her to sing it, like a clever girl

[Isntitjustaname]

The little girl probably ‘hates’ the nickname because Mum needs smelling salts whenever anyone uses it.

But if she wanted to be the shortened version of her name I'm happy with that, Ex and I named her knowing the shortened version of her name and said we would respect if she wanted to be called that but she doesn't.

[DorasBob]

If your identity is so fragile that someone calling you Alex when you are an Alexandra causes you psychological harm then I suggest you seek help.

Identity politics is bullshit. We should be teaching children resilience and encouraging them to have a strong sense of self, rather than becoming hysterical when someone calls them a shortening of their name they don't like.

For example, I'm a doctor. People often call me 'Ms'. I don;t correct them, as I am still a doctor regardless of what they've called me. I have a healthy level of self esteem.

Disclaimer: if someones being a dick to me, I do correct them

[Marylou62]

This post has made me anxious as I had trouble with bullying (even teachers!) all my school life because of my name. My name has been spelt, pronounced, shortened and laughed at all my life..I wish my parents had just given me an easy, normal name that couldn't be shortened. When teachers were saying 'You there Lil, answer me,' I honestly didn't know who they were talking to.(Obviously I'm not called Lil!)
When I hear some of the names given to babies, some times I feel sorry for them.(although I know lots of people love their unusual names!)
I was taught to tell people what my name was, but that was just turned into yet another way to tease (bully) me. Sorry OP that your DD is going through this and I have no advice.
I also wanted to be called Jane!. . And I called my own 3 kids simply spelt names that I liked the short version of.. I still get 'Is that Harry with an i!'
A friend wanted to call her DD 'Alyce' Beautiful and unusual you might think? But I know she will go through life with her mum saying her name is 'Alyce with a Y'. Sorry for the essay but as you can read my name has been the bane of my life.