Nursery shortening DDs name? Possibly UR and more WWYD?

[Isntitjustaname]

DDs name is a fairly old but still common name (think Lillian or similar but not that). It’s 3 syllables easy to say and I know I am bias but very nice.

Nursery shorten her name (so to say Lily) but DD has said she doesn’t like it, her name is Lillian.

I’ve asked Nursery not to shorten it and use the name, but the Manager just says “Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”.

I have no issue with the Nursery other than this and I wouldn’t bother if DD wanted to be called Lily but she doesn’t she wants to be Lillian, which is fine by me as that’s her name. I won't remove her just on this issue as it's an outstanding private nursery and as I said no other issues than this.

WWYD? DD only says to me at home “My name is Lillian, not Lily or Lill” but she’s very quiet at Nursery and doesn’t really speak much (so I’m told) so don’t think she’d be able to say “My name is Lillian”

[toxic44]

It's impertinent to rename anyone because of a personal preference. The age of the person being renamed isn't material; child or adult, your name is your name and your choice is your choice. Let people have some respect. I ended a friendship because the other insisted on calling me Annie (nothing anywhere near my name) as a public joke. It's sometimes poor taste, sometimes laziness. Whichever, it's not on. Tell the nursery so.

[MusicalMouse]

You’re right they should call her by her full name. I wouldn’t take it too badly though, they may just adore her and have her a pet name. A quiet word in the ear with whoever is in charge of her class, and any assistants, should put it straight. “Lillian said one of her friends is calling her Lily, she was upset as she likes to be called Lillian which is her name, after all, and what she’s called by everyone outside of school.”

[shiningstar2]

You chose your daughter's name as is your right, because that is the name you really wanted for her. If others are allowed to alter/shorten it when she is too little to really protest the shortened version could follow her to school and become an established thing. You need to insist politely but firmly that the nursery uses her given name unless you are cool with random nursery staff having the final say on your daughter's name.

[Poodles1980]

@DorasBob this is nothing to do with identity politics it’s common courtesy or manners

[Enko]

Disclaimer: if someones being a dick to me, I do correct them

So do I ... People are a being a dick if they shorten my name knowing I don't like it.

Its about respect Something I feel when you knowingly shorten someones name knowing they do not like it you are showing none off.

[Yogagirl123]

I wouldn’t dream of calling anyone anything other than the name they have introduced themselves as.

[SheGotBetteDavisEyes]

We should be teaching children resilience and encouraging them to have a strong sense of self, rather than becoming hysterical when someone calls them a shortening of their name they don't like

Obviously no one is becoming hysterical.

How is it right to teach children to be resilient and have a strong sense of self but to say precisely nothing if someone refuses to use their name correctly?

If someone insists on calling you by the name they want to use, rather the one that you choose to use, how is saying nothing to them being 'strong'?

[HotSauceCommittee]

My parents called me “Kathryn “ with a sudden desire to call me “Katie” when I was a toddler. I wasn’t having it. I still a “Kathryn “, trouble is, it’s a name that can really messed around with and it’s MY fucking name! Respect to your little one for sticking to her guns.

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

The Alexander/Sasha thing, and the other names too, made Dostoyevski so much harder to read, I didn't read it by choice it was on my reading list at university and I struggled slightly with the plots until I got the name thing sorted out in my head. But every culture has standard (to them) nicknames that aren't all that related to full names. Like in English we have Bill for William, Harry for Henry or Dick for Richard (that last one is particularly odd IMO).

As others have suggested I would write a letter saying that you and your daughter prefer Lillian and you are sure that they will agree that the wishes of the child are paramount on such a personal matter and you expect no more usage of Lily.

[LondonJax]

Totally agree ANBU. I actually think it's very rude to say 'but it's so cute'. She's not their child so it's your decision.

I had a very elderly neighbour who decided they didn't like the spelling of our DS's name (there is more than one way to spell it) so told me 'I don't like that spelling of X so I'm spelling it Y' to which I replied 'No, his name is X, it's spelled X and that's the end of the conversation'. My other neighbour was in awe as no-one had ever challenged the elderly neighbour before (she change spellings at the drop of a hat - Mhairi became Marie, Abi became Abby) - I couldn't understand why, if it's your name you choose how it's pronounced or spelled. The elderly neighbour respected our wishes though - never once miss-spelled his name.

Pick them up on it nicely and keep picking them up on it.

[aspoonfulofyourownmedicine]

YANBU. It's rude.

My son has a name which can be shortened a few ways. Say, Daniel, for sake of this post. He doesn't mind 'Dan' from his peers and sometimes family, but hates 'Danny' which is what my DH's family INSIST on calling him. We've now taught him to say 'that's not my name, my name is DANIEL' on repeat. He ignores it mostly now and only answers when his name is said correctly.

[DorasBob]

Poodles - yeah, reading that back I sort of shoehorned identity politics in there.

I wrote a longer post about the 'labels' we give ourselves being one of the odd things about our time, identity politics obvious being a part of that. E.g. holding tight to 'I'm VICTORIA and I'm NOT VICKY and that is EXTREMLEY IMPORTANT TO ME AND EVERYONE AROUND ME' is a bit silly. As it doesn't really change anything, and just speaks of someone who is insecure, and clinging to small things to try and get a sense of who they are. I've seen people be extremely courteous when people have completely butchered their exotic sounding names, and say things like 'Yeah, Majestic is a cooler version of Veerendra, I might start using it.' which has massively increased my respect for them. On the flip side, a cats bum face person saying 'My name is NOT Kate, it's KATHERINE' makes me want to cross the street to acoid them.

Because ultimately Kate, no one but you gives a fuck, and what does it matter anyway...

[Maryann1975]

If her name is Lilian and you have written on the forms that her preferred name is Lilian, then that is what they should be calling her. And I don’t understand why anyone would think it’s ok to call her anything else, especially as you have already told them to call her by her correct name.
My dd used to get called the long version of her name a lot when she was younger. Along the lines of her name is Katie, so was called Katherine a lot. Did my head in and I called everyone of them up on it. With one repeat offender I started calling him the wrong name, which annoyed him enough to get dds name correct. I don’t care if people thought I was being petty. If I’d wanted her to be called Katherine, that’s what I’d have named her!
Also had an issue with them spelling dd2 shortened name incorrectly at school. I don’t really like the shortened name much, but dd does, so we go with it. they were using y on the end, I’d always said if it was shortened I wanted ie, like katIE. Took a lot of chats and dd telling them repeatedly they were spelling her name incorrectly, but they got there in the end.
If your dd didn’t mind, it wouldn’t be a problem, by nursery age she has a right to an opinion but as she doesn’t like it, be firm with nursery and raise the issue and keep raising it until it gets through.

[Ubercornsdiscoball]

Meh. I have a Lilian. Her nursery called her Lil for 3 years. We didn’t mind. She prefers her full name but it hasn’t scarred her for life. Wasn’t something any of us worried about to be honest!

[happymummy12345]

I would not be happy with that. My son has a name that can very easily be shortened to two things, both of which are perfectly nice enough. But we do not want his name shortening. Thankfully nursery use his full name. But if they didn't I would be asking them to do so.
When he is old enough it will be his choice, and if when he is old enough he chooses he wants to use a shortened version then I will respect that. (I hate my full name but both my parents go mad if anyone shortens it. So when they're around no one does. The rest of the time I insist on it being shortened. But I'm a 25 year old married mum, an adult who can choose).

[theSnuffster]

I had similar with my daughter- she was 2 at the time. She would say 'at nursery my name is x' (their shortened version of her name.) It was done affectionately, I noticed they did similar with lots of the children. They'd labelled her peg etc with the shortened name too.

I just mentioned that I don't like that particular shortening (and told them what 'nicknames' we use at home should they wish to use them) and that was that. They even changed the label on her peg to her full name.

[SirNilsOlav]

The call me bill shirt suggestion has reminded me of a teacher I had at primary school who vaguely socially knew my grandma and kept calling me by her name (Totally different, like Jane to Abigail) and complained to my mum at the gates one day "Half the time when I call on her, Jane ignores me."

My mum replied icily "Perhaps that's because it's not her name. Would you look up if I called for Bill?"

[Fatted]

I'd mention it to the nursery but also encourage your DD to speak up if she doesn't like it.

My youngest has a name commonly abbreviated and he quite likes it now. But he will happily tell you what he wants to be called and if anyone calls him different to what he wants to be called that day he will tell them off!

[Enko]

@DorasBob

Like I said up thread its about respect. Not about the person been insecure. I dislike the shortening of my name (its Lon) I do not like being called it. If you knowingly call me something you know I do not like. Your being a jerk..

So please do cross the road it will make us both a lot happier.

[EggMayonnaise]

My friend had this issue with her Stephanie being called Steph, but once she got to school everyone called her Steph within what seemed a matter of days so she gave up correcting people.

My relative is Jonathan, same thing happened. He is still Jonathan to most of the family but all his friends, his brother and his girlfriend all call him Jon. He also refers to himself as Jon now but the family have stuck with the long version.

I totally agree with you, but I would lay money on it being shortened once she's at school. My daughter is 2 syllables as are many of her friends, yet they all call each other by shortened one syllable versions!

[Goldenbug]

Start calling the Manager "Lard Arse". Tell her you think it's cute and suits them better than their name.

[strawberrypenguin]

They should absolutely be calling her by her preferred name, which in this case is her full name. Very rude of the nursery. I'd talk to them again and insist they use her proper name.

My DS is the opposite - absolutely hates to be called the full version of his name - although nursery called him the shortening for some reason they labelled everything with his full name. When he started recognising letters we had to ask them to change the labels which they did.

[DorasBob]

Goldenbug - is that how you go through life?! 😂🙄

[aspoonfulofyourownmedicine]

Don't raise her to be one of those wet, stick up the arse 'My name is Elizabeth, NOT Liz' people

I'm Michelle. I was named Michelle, not Mitch, Chell, Chelle, Shell or Shelley. I ignore anyone who calls me any shortened versions. I like my name being the one I was given at birth.

Am I rude if I ignore you when shortening or changing my name? No, call me by my proper name and I'll answer you. I'm not precious about my name, I just HATE all derivatives of it!

[SheGotBetteDavisEyes]

and say things like 'Yeah, Majestic is a cooler version of Veerendra, I might start using it.' which has massively increased my respect for them

Why? Someone would have to do more than accept someone else's 'label' for them to win my respect.

Because ultimately Kate, no one but you gives a fuck, and what does it matter anyway...

It matters to Kate. Why should Kate care whether you 'give a fuck' or not?

I just don't get this train of thought at all - how is rolling over and going 'ohh alright then...I'll just be called what you think I should be called' mean that someone is 'secure' or 'strong'?

Why is it 'insecure' to expect people to use your correct name?