Nursery shortening DDs name? Possibly UR and more WWYD?

[Isntitjustaname]

DDs name is a fairly old but still common name (think Lillian or similar but not that). It’s 3 syllables easy to say and I know I am bias but very nice.

Nursery shorten her name (so to say Lily) but DD has said she doesn’t like it, her name is Lillian.

I’ve asked Nursery not to shorten it and use the name, but the Manager just says “Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”.

I have no issue with the Nursery other than this and I wouldn’t bother if DD wanted to be called Lily but she doesn’t she wants to be Lillian, which is fine by me as that’s her name. I won't remove her just on this issue as it's an outstanding private nursery and as I said no other issues than this.

WWYD? DD only says to me at home “My name is Lillian, not Lily or Lill” but she’s very quiet at Nursery and doesn’t really speak much (so I’m told) so don’t think she’d be able to say “My name is Lillian”

[hazeyjane]

The eyfs actually states that practitioners should always use children's full names.

Does it? I thought early years settings were supposed to adhere to preferred names, which is why most settings ask this on settling in forms.

[StateofIndependance]

I presume they mean the full name that parents have given as preferred. So if it's a Kathryn known as Katie use that and not Kate.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

That does make sense - thank you, @StateofIndependence.

[amgine]

I have a name that people want to shorten because it’s a bit of a mouth ful (worse with my surname - people glaze over when I say it). People ALWAYS ask to shorten it. I don’t, partly on principle, but it’s my name and I like it. It’s also easily confused with a similar sounding name - I often dont realise when someone is talking to me when they get it wrong. It’s my identity not someone else’s, I don’t stand for it as an adult and wouldn’t expect children too either if it’s not their preference.

[shannonichigo]

Tell them she doesn't like her name shortened

[LoveAGoodChat]

Op just tell them to use her actual name..Lillian and Lilly are two different names in the same way Liz and Elizabeth and Kate and Catherine are two different names...insist Lilly is not her name , you don't want her called that, your daughter doesn't like being called that, so they should use her actual name...

[SPR1107]

Anyway, ignoring all of those who seem to just have an opinion and not actually answer your question.. here's what I would do..

As you've said you've no other issues with the nursery, and your daughter is a bit too shy to say anything herself.. on drop off, I would say to her key carer or manager; 'Lilian has mentioned to me again that she isn't keen on her name being shortened, it might be a phase, but at the moment, I think it would make her feel a bit better if everyone called her Lilian'. I would say it in front of her, and then I would say to Lilian, 'don't forget you can always talk to your 'teachers name' if you aren't happy about something'. It keeps it lighthearted and also shows Lilian that it's okay to say how she feels

[AjasLipstick]

My child's name is Rose and at school she's Rosie which PISSES me off.

She likes it but it's not what I called her and reminds me of whatshername from Corrie.

Our Rooooosiiiieee.

[AliceLutherNeeMorgan]

I was in a meeting the other day and all the way through, a guy I’ve known for about five years was calling me Amanda and referring to me as Amanda, and then all of a sudden he called me Mandy. The room went a bit quiet, and a couple of other people glanced at me for a reaction - but I wasn’t particularly fussed myself.

It was just slightly weird, because my name is actually Rachel. I’ve never been known as Amanda or Mandy...

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

You need to have another word with them and tell them she is getting upset about it at home, but is too shy to speak up at nursery. Tell them you wouldn’t mind Lily, but she does, so that’s what YOU call her and what they need to call her. I think that although it would be your right, as her parent, to insist on her full name, it’s better that they know it’s DD that doesn’t like it, not you. It sounds less precious.

[DustyCropHopper]

Ds2 has a very popular name that is commonly shortened. His pre school kept using the shortened version of his name which we never used then complained he was ignoring them or not responding or doing as he was told. I pointed out that they may like to use his name as using the shortened version was like calling him George when his name is Fred! I then taught him to say my name is x not y when they did shorten it. He hated it being shortened. Now, at 10, he has chosen to allow his school friends and teachers to call him by the shortened version but becomes upset if we, his family do it. He prefers the full version but accepts that some people will shorten it.
I would speak to the nursery and teach your daughter to politely correct them.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Anyway, ignoring all of those who seem to just have an opinion and not actually answer your question.. here's what I would do..

🙄

Mind you don’t fall off your high horse.

[SPR1107]

@AnnieAnoniMouse I don't think I'm on my high horse by thinking comments like 'Don't raise her to be one of those wet, stick up the arse 'My name is Elizabeth, NOT Liz' people', aren't helpful or necessary... particularly when the OP has already stated she doesn't have an issue with her daughters name being shortened. I just thought if a post asks for help, it might be a good idea to, I don't know... perhaps help?!

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Ds hates people shortening his name. I think he used to think that they were actually confusing him with his friend whose birth certificate name was actually a diminutive of his name.

Say his name was Alexander and people called him Alex, but he had a friend who was actually an Alex - he would say 'that person thought that I was Alexander, but I am not Alex - he is Alex, I am Alexander.'

It is disrespectful and she should (within reason) be known by her preferred name.

[DustyCropHopper]

Interesting how calling people by the wrong first name is fine and you are pretentious/stuck up etc if you ask for your preferred name to be used but it is totally ok to be outraged when yo7 are called by the wrong surname (such as that of your child or your husband). Surely if it is ok for someone to decide what first name they will use for you, it is ok for them to decide what surname they use too?

[Sashkin]

and say things like 'Yeah, Majestic is a cooler version of Veerendra, I might start using it.' which has massively increased my respect for them

Reminds me of Prince Charles’s polo friend who apparently just loves being called “Darkie”... it wouldn’t make me respect them, it would make me think they were a bit of a doormat tbh. Your hopefully-fictitious friend Veerendra doesn’t need to apologise for having a foreign name.

[Sashkin]

Tora Shae, on the other hand, I respect:

www.vibe.com/2016/01/tora-shae-twitter-story/

[littlemisscomper]

I had the opposite problem when I was little. My parents always called me the shortened version of my birth certificate name, but when I started reception my laminated name card was the full version. I remember being expected to copy it out for writing practice, and sobbing to the teachers 'That's not my name!' with them standing over me insisting that it was!

These things do matter. Don't be afraid to put your foot down OP.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

SPR1107 then say what you actually mean. The vast majority of posters ‘gave their opinion’ rather than ‘answered the OP’s question’. Your sweeping statement to ‘ignore them all but here’s MY advice’ was rude & full of yourself. IF you meant specific, equally rude, comments as per your example, you should have said so, not generalised to include most other posters.

[Mum2OneTeen]

She needs to wear a t-shirt to the nursery that says "My name is Lillian" That should do the trick!

Seriously though, you're not being unreasonable at all.

[candlefloozy]

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I will double check the wording today.

[AdamHi]

Our names are one of the things that we have control of in our lives, make sure that whatever your daughter wishes to be called is honoured.

[DunkerOfSussex]

I was prepared to say yabu

Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”

But this is wrong. Telling her something that makes her unhappy is fine because it is "cute" and someone else thinks it suits her... is really quite bad. terrible message.

[LonginesPrime]

I think it's terribly presumptuous to shorten someone's name without their permission, and I do secretly judge people who shorten someone's name to something they prefer which isn't what the person is known as.

Most people ask me what name I prefer as my name is one that's usually shortened, but sometimes people (funnily enough, always men) shorten my name to a common contraction which I don't use (think Vicky vs Tori, or similar).

This causes great confusion when they're talking about me with someone else who knows me. If everyone calls you whatever they think your name should be, it makes names far less useful.

[happinessischocolate]

Identity politics is bullshit. We should be teaching children resilience and encouraging them to have a strong sense of self, rather than becoming hysterical when someone calls them a shortening of their name they don't like.

But not just "someone" calling her the wrong name, it's the people in charge at her nursery, and therefore the children at the nursery will also start calling her that.

If she goes to a local nursery and then on to a local school the children who knew her from nursery will continue to call her the wrong name.

It's not being wet or not having resilience to want to be called by your given name.