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... to feel insulted that my son-in-law called me "Thingy"?

154 replies

DancingForTheDog · 24/09/2018 17:08

Had the family over this weekend - eight of us in all. We ordered in a takeaway and SIL was handing out the different dishes at the table. He was saying the name of the dish and then the name of the family member who ordered it, until he came to mine and said, "Red thai curry - pass that to Thingy", gesturing towards me with the tray. I said (in a good humoured way) "Thingy? Well I've never been called that before." and my daughter said "Perhaps not the best idea to call your MIL Thingy". I let it go, but it has narked me. I'm generally laid back but I think it's just the undercurrent of disrespect that's annoyed me. We get along fine, although not particularly close as he can be rather stand-offish with all of us. He's from a very wealthy background and I may be wrong but feel he may feel rather superior to us. Anyway, am I being a snowflake, or would this annoy you too?

OP posts:
BunnyColvin · 24/09/2018 17:10

Would annoy me. Just call him 'thingy' from now on! Grin

SnuggyBuggy · 24/09/2018 17:10

Some people are crap at remembering names.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 24/09/2018 17:11

Maybe Thing instead - like from The Adams Family!!

SilverHairedCat · 24/09/2018 17:12

You've never had a momentary loss of someone's name? Ever? God knows I have, at all sorts of inconvenient moments of many loved ones including people I've known all my life. YABU and OTT.

MawkishTwaddle · 24/09/2018 17:12

Maybe he's not sure how to address you?

Like, Mrs Whatever is too formal, your first name seems too informal, but 'mum' is too intimate?

If he was brought up a bit old-fashioned, that might be it. Maybe have a chat about it with him?

Daytimetvsucks · 24/09/2018 17:13

My gran called my now husband this when we were younger! We just laughed it off and like to mock her for it occasionally ! She's Irish catholic and his name is very Protestant (apparently, I have no clue or care!) so she always apologises and says that's why she couldn't get it right. Anyway she knows now and we have all moved on :-) I suggest you laugh it off but gently rib him about it at Christmas etc ;-) I doubt he meant it offensively unless there is a back story :-)

NC4Now · 24/09/2018 17:13

My mum’s a right scatterbrain. She calls me about three different names till she gets the right one. It wouldn’t bother me.

Cynara · 24/09/2018 17:13

I don't know, I was once introducing my colleague to someone and completely and utterly forgot his name. I've worked closely with him for years, he's my friend. In that few moments though I could not for the life of me recall his name. I doubt your son in law did it on purpose. If it's the only time it's ever happened I'd just forget it if I were you.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 24/09/2018 17:13

Was your name written on the box (like on Starbucks) and it looked like 'thing? Probably not. I'd call him 'it' for a while and see how he likes that!

Johndoe10 · 24/09/2018 17:15

No he was being arse. Id constantly call him by the wrong name now and maybe even your daughters ex.

BuntyII · 24/09/2018 17:15

Sounds like they say that kind of thing to each other in their family - you know how people who are very close mildly insult each other - and don't find it offensive, so he's just not realised other people may not take too kindly.

Bestseller · 24/09/2018 17:17

Have you ever told him what to call you? I avoid using ILs name as much as possible because I'm not sure what I should say. My parents both called their own ILs mum and dad but I'm not doing that. Also not sure if their first name is "right"

BertrandRussell · 24/09/2018 17:18

If someone came on here to complain that her mil had called her "thingy" the answers would have been very different.....

Bestseller · 24/09/2018 17:18

That said, I think you're looking for the insult if someone momentarily not being able to recall your name is going to offend you (I get DC's names muddled several time a day.)

Perfectly1mperfect · 24/09/2018 17:21

It would depend on whether I thought they were deliberately being rude. I seem to constantly forget or mix up names of people and objects. But if he's an arse in general then just treat him the same.

lynmilne65 · 24/09/2018 17:24

Dear Thingy
No !

DancingForTheDog · 24/09/2018 17:24

He's always called me and DH by our first names, but I think the fact my daughter picked up on it makes me think it's not just me being precious, but happy to admit I may be being pathetic Grin.

OP posts:
theymademejoin · 24/09/2018 17:28

There's a massive difference between momentarily forgetting someone's name and calling them thingy! I regularly get brain farts where I forget a name but would never be that rude. If you can't remember, just say will you pass that down. Or even I'm not sure who this is for.

Nanasueathome · 24/09/2018 17:31

Just start to call him ‘Wotsit’ from now on. He’ll soon get used to it

NotUmbongoUnchained · 24/09/2018 17:31

My dad goes through the entire family’s names before he gets to mine. And I’m one of 12! Grin

Bestseller · 24/09/2018 17:31

Maybe he mistakenly thought he was part of the family! I agree I wouldn't call a colleague I had only a formal relationship with Thingy but in a relaxed family situation it would be affectionate more than rude.

Stillme1 · 24/09/2018 17:31

One SIL calls me a kind of jokey Mum alternative. The other refers to me as X's (my DD and his DP) mum and X junior's Grandmother, but never addresses me by any form of name. I don't mind, they could be calling me all sorts of nasty names as a MIL.


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KnotsInMay · 24/09/2018 17:33

So you decide to feel narked, and then what? Keep up a frostiness? Tell your dd you felt insulted? Demand he apologise? Yay, and before you know it you are the MIL from hell and everyone has gone NC. It was a momentary lapse of co-ordination between brain and mouth as he was dealing with all the dishes.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 24/09/2018 17:33

My husband and I have been together since we were in school, (40 years next month!) and married for 35. Last Christmas was the first time I called my mother in law by her first name - I've never known what to call her. In your son in law's position I would either have made eye contact with mil and said "This is yours" or given it to my husband and said "This is for your mum". I am sure she wouldn't have been insulted if I called her "Thingy".

KeepingTheWormsQuiet · 24/09/2018 17:34

I think it sounds like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder, because he's from a wealthy background. My mother is one for always thinking that people are looking down their noses at her when they aren't. It would annoy me if it was done repeatedly, but I wouldn't care about a one off.

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