... to feel insulted that my son-in-law called me "Thingy"?

[DancingForTheDog]

Had the family over this weekend - eight of us in all. We ordered in a takeaway and SIL was handing out the different dishes at the table. He was saying the name of the dish and then the name of the family member who ordered it, until he came to mine and said, "Red thai curry - pass that to Thingy", gesturing towards me with the tray. I said (in a good humoured way) "Thingy? Well I've never been called that before." and my daughter said "Perhaps not the best idea to call your MIL Thingy". I let it go, but it has narked me. I'm generally laid back but I think it's just the undercurrent of disrespect that's annoyed me. We get along fine, although not particularly close as he can be rather stand-offish with all of us. He's from a very wealthy background and I may be wrong but feel he may feel rather superior to us. Anyway, am I being a snowflake, or would this annoy you too?

There's a woman at a group I go to who, in nearly two years of attending, can't be bothered to learn my name. She calls me thingy. In this case, I think it is rude. She is so self-centred that she is only interested in what she has to say. I bite my tongue and ignore her when she says it. This does sound like a momentary brain fart though.

Maybe try to see it from another prospective... at least it wasn't shitbag,fuckface,battleaxe, or fanny face !

A simple mistake, a brain fart when you are busy and posters think this is massively disrespectful and he is a twat suggesting the OP should think of names to call him and 'retaliate' in kind.
The playground would be a haven away from some of you! This. Why are so many people so desperate to take offence at the simplest of things? It would be so much simpler if everyone stayed in their homes, communicated with no-one and had zero interaction because then you'd not be able to take offence - though someone would no doubt post here to complain about that too!

I think the Op didn't like him in the first place and is quite gratified to have something to hang her dislike on.

Although something may be insulting we do not all have to be insulted. Other people's behaviors define THEM not me. I think we could all have a happier life by being less insulted. I think calling your sil thingy from now on could be funny, done in the right spirit but not if you do it out of spite.

Lol assumming he has not forgotten it before seems like a momentary glitch. I forgot my fiances name the other day and it took me 5 months to get my daughter's name right even though I was the one who chose it and loved it (not even am abnormal name it's heather fs!). Some people are just bad at names.

I'd be pissed off because Thingy implies an inanimate object, not for any other reason.

I don't think it's massively disrespectful or should be the cause of a feud or anything. But it's rude. And I like nice manners. And I bet if he had the same sort of memory lapse in a meeting at work, he wouldn't say "Could you pass these papers to Thingy" if it was his boss or a client. And I speak as someone who frequently call my children by the cats' names.

"Thingy" (or "thingme") are both the norm in my area if you can't think of a name.

""Thingy" (or "thingme") are both the norm in my area if you can't think of a name.". For a boss? A client?

I let it go, but it has narked me

You definitely have not let it go! But you should, he had a momentary lapse of concentration and you have bigger issues with how you think he views you because of his background. He was pulled up on it at the time... let it go!

If it's a one off and does not do it on a regular basis I would let it go .If you do as other people say call him the wrong name cause he made 1 mistake it makes you worse than him .Totally up to you you can confront him and make a big deal out of it but if I was him and got that over one mistake I would distance myself from you as can't be arsed with pettiness .

Probably being a bit precious if it has only happened once. If he keeps doing it, then ask him why. Simples.

I also find it rude and dismissive. Maybe I'd say "thingy" if I were talking to someone else about someone and had a brain fart "I saw whatsisname the other day... thingy, you know... Paul!" But actually calling someone in your company that, is lazy and rude and looks like the person you're referring to is unimportant.

I do this sometimes when i forget a name. I dont do it to be rude. I just get flustered that i cant think and you can tell people are waiting for a name or whatever and so i say thingy or thingamabob. Gives me enough time to remember. Not done to be dismissive or purposely rude. Never had an issue IRL guess for me its just another time MN is completely different to RL ( in my experience)

“I do this sometimes when i forget a name”

Would you call your boss or a client Thingy?

Seriously Frustrated, you call people "Thingy" and just leave it there?

We all do this in my family. When addressing someone I can easily work my way through 3 or 4 names before I hit on the right one. Lots of people do it. And "thingy" isn't insulting. I'd consider it jokey if anything. YABU. And might you have a bit of a chip?

I can see why you are offended but I have chronic migraines and fibro and forget people's names or can't articulate them properly and people have been called whatdoyacallyou, a mangled version of something unintelligible or in the case of dds and my niece and nephew one of the other kids names until I get the right one or just yell "you". Everyone knows I genuinely don't mean any disrespect though.

Well no annoyingly the name comes back to me straight after i said it do i add " sorry i mean ..." . I guess thats more polite than the OP. I am talking a 5-10 second delay thinking of the name with people just staring at me whilst i get physically more frustrated, gesticulating, not being able to recall the name.

And in those circumstances i would do the same Bertrand whats the alternative? Point? Stand in silence until it may not come to me? Depending on the person they could still be offended by saying excuse me ive forgotten your name. Saying "thingy" often brings a shock to my system and i remember instantly.

He only said it because your name slipped his mind for a minute.
That said, he could have politely made a joke of it rather than calling you that.

whats the alternative?

There is always an alternative. I'm terrible for name blindness and its never necessary to call someone "Thingy".

SiL was passing out the food, he could just have easily said "Mary's mum". He could also have said "sorry having a name moment but I mean Mary's mum".

"would you address your boss or a client that way" is actually a good yardstick.

He managed to remember the name of every other person at the table, the fact that his own wife thought it significant enough to mention is consistent with the OP's perception of dismissive.

I wouldn't go to war over it but it was rude.

Do people seriously think that running through a list of names to get to the right one and calling someone “thingy” are even remotely similar?

Nobody has answered whether it would be OK to call a boss or a client “thingy”

You really aren't 'laid back' if you've been irked by that..........it wouldnt even register if someone forgot my name for a few seconds 🤷‍♀️

It wasn't that he forgot my name, it was that he referred to me as "Thingy" in a dismissive way. I get called all sorts by family and friends. Often get called my daughters' names and sometimes my sister's name - no problem. I have friends and siblings who take the piss regularly, and I them - no problem. For some reason it was just the dismissive way it was said that bugged me. It just kind of reinforced the rather cool way he interacts with us generally. Anyhow, thanks for all the responses, pro and con. Love, Thingy x