... to feel insulted that my son-in-law called me "Thingy"?

[DancingForTheDog]

Had the family over this weekend - eight of us in all. We ordered in a takeaway and SIL was handing out the different dishes at the table. He was saying the name of the dish and then the name of the family member who ordered it, until he came to mine and said, "Red thai curry - pass that to Thingy", gesturing towards me with the tray. I said (in a good humoured way) "Thingy? Well I've never been called that before." and my daughter said "Perhaps not the best idea to call your MIL Thingy". I let it go, but it has narked me. I'm generally laid back but I think it's just the undercurrent of disrespect that's annoyed me. We get along fine, although not particularly close as he can be rather stand-offish with all of us. He's from a very wealthy background and I may be wrong but feel he may feel rather superior to us. Anyway, am I being a snowflake, or would this annoy you too?

I think it’s one thing to refer to someone as thingy when they’re not there and you can’t remember their name, but to call someone thingy to their face? Very rude in my opinion. Why didn’t he just say “your mum” or something? Sounds like something a 12 year old would say.

Bloody hell @Johndoe10 that's a bit harsh! 😂

it was that he referred to me as "Thingy" in a dismissive way
You obviously don't like him and will interpret anything he says or does as being a personal slight against you. If he went out of his way to be really genuinely nice to you he'd be accused of faking it. He can't win. Just tell your DD to LTB and have done with it.

Don't worry Thingy.

I think he just had a brain fart

I do it all the time.

Don't read too much into it

It is not like he said 'can you pass this to the old bag' or something equally as horrific. (not that you are, but yswim

My mother has never liked my husband. She's a very bitter woman though - and when we had not long met she would say 'How is John-Jerk' (that is not his name btw, just a standard of how silly the nicknames were. I never told him
Just pathetic

He does pick up on it

we don't have a lot to do with her as she makes him, and me, feel so uncomfortable

Sorry, OP. You are a MIL. There really was only one way this thread was going to go. Give it a few days and do a reverse- "My mil called everyone else by their proper name, but called me Thingy-AIBU to be a bit upset?"

As a once off you might want to just let it go. If he starts regularly calling you Thingy then you might have an insult.

Thingy
Whatsherchops
Whatsit
Heroverthere

A few examples of non-insulting temporary name substitutes.

Well using "Thingy" as a placeholder while you um and ah
your way to the correct name, possibly apologising for your brain fart along the way, is one thing; to just leave it at "Thingy" is quite another.

If you don't even attempt to use or remember someone's name it shows you couldn't give a stuff about them and that they're totally unimportant. Doing this to your wife's mother is horrendously bad manners.

Stripy your examples of "whatsherchops" and "heroverthere" would only be used when talking about someone, not talking directly to them (unless you call people you're talking to "her" instead of "you"). So that is different.

Notice that whatsyourname, whatsyourchops, whatsyourface etc. are not the well known colloquialisms that the 'his' and 'her' versions are... because talking to someone like that is kinda rude.

Obiously Rude, isn't it?

I can't ever remember calling someone thingy in their presence. I have a terrible memory for names but somehow avoid this!

I don't know how I'd respond tbh.

I would be disappointed in him. "Insulted" is a bit giving him the power iyswim.

Thingy is not an insult. YABVVVVU.

If your mil called everyone else round the table by their names and you “thingy” how would you feel?

It’s not a mistake. My mind goes blank occasionaly re names amd I still haven’t managed to refer to anyone as thingy. Things - yes, remormte co ttiller is usually a thingy round here or a pen or whatever.

Even if he'd momentarily blanked on your name, he could have come up with something better than "Thingy". I'm fortunate to have a warm relationship with my MIL, but I'd never refer to her in that way. Very disrespectful.

It is not like he said 'can you pass this to the old bag'

Yeah, and he didn't kick you in the face either so what are you moaning about?

I know I’m very lucky that my husband isn’t bothered by me occasionally calling him my ex-husband’s name. I’ve been separated then divorced from the tosser for 17 years and with DH for 15. My children regularly get each other’s names if not the dog’s, I’m awful, but there is nothing behind it.
Unless there are other instances of him showing a lack of respect, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. He’s been made aware you didn’t appreciate it, so hopefully knows it was an error of judgement and will take more care. Could it have been a sort of joke at his own expense?

Oh dear, I did this to my own dad this weekend. We were away on a big family holiday and I got his name - ‘Dad’ - mixed up with my son’s. So the sentence started something like, ‘Rob! Er... Robad! Sorry! Dad!’ I don’t think he took offence, but reading the OP he might have done

I don’t think he took offence, but reading the OP he might have done

You are describing a completely different scenario. A moment of name blindness running through several names and apologising for it.

The OP describes being called Thingy after everyone has been correctly named, in front of the rest of the table and no "sorry having a name blind moment".

YANBU I would be offended too. A colleague called me dude once when she first started at my work and I found that a bit offensive too.

“Oh dear, I did this to my own dad this weekend. We were away on a big family holiday and I got his name - ‘Dad’ hmm - mixed up with my son’s. So the sentence started something like, ‘Rob! Er... Robad! Sorry! Dad!’ I don’t think he took offence, but reading the OP he might have done confused”

A completely different thing. As I am sure you well know.

I think you're seriously overreacting and will make yourself look very silly if you make a thing about it, no pun intended

Pathetic. Sorting out food quickly for 8 people he probably just had a memory lapse for names and the orders.

Not worth worrying over.

Am I the only oddball, surrounded by other odd balls who say "thingy" if we momentarily struggle to recall a name. It happens regular enough amongst family, friends and colleagues where someone is referred to thingy and it's not meant in a derogatory manner. Would usually happen if there's lot of people around or been discussed and someone would say, "pass that to thingy" gesturing to whom they meant or "thingy asked if you'd do such and such" you'd know by the request to whom they were referring.

It is possible that when your child and he discuss you in your absence you are referred to as 'Mum/your Mum'. This may mean that he actually uses your first name quite rarely.

Not an excuse but perhaps may partially explain his sudden confusion over the name.