Bit shaken. Aibu to be?

[duchessofsussedsex]

I've just been to Sainsbury's. I was in the fruit aisle and there was a lady and her teenager by the apples I wanted. I waited a while until they were done (they were inspecting each packet for a while) and as they were moving off I reached over and took a packet. I pretty certain I wasn't in their personal space but as I had waited a while I did swoop in a bit.

The woman shouted "stupid bitch" after me and I turned round and said "excuse me" and she incredibly angrily said "you heard". I said "what's your problem" and her teenager proceeded to come and get right up in my face (o could feel spit) and start shouting at me never to speak to her mother like that and that I needed to speak to her. She repeated this at least 10 times and every time I said "I am speaking to you - what exactly is the problem here". The only other thing she said was "ill give you a problem if you don't back off". No other answer at all. I was nothing but polite as it was a busy public place. I the. walked off and she kept shouting "stupid bitch" after me.

I just carried on for a few mins and then I just started shaking and crying and had to abandon the basket and leave. Lots of people witnessed this and nobody said a word.

I'm over 30 years old and I've been reduced to tears by a teenager. I feel so pathetic. I'm just sat in the car crying. I really don't think o did anything wrong. Aibu or are people really this unbelievably nasty and, in the case of everyone else, passive in this day and age and I need to suck it up?

YANBU. Horrible thing to experience and I'm not surprised you're shaken.

Surely if someone 'swoops in' at the supermarket a patented British tut, or eye-roll, or raised eyebrow (or a combination of any or all of the above) is enough.

OP where do you live that this was ignored? London?

bluelady she said she swooped in as she’d been waiting a bit, which has obviously pissed them off. She also replied ‘excuse me’ when the unhinged duo called her a stupid bitch, I’ve interpreted this as OP pissed them off then engaged with them at clearly aggressive behaviour. Like I said, I would have said sorry for ‘swooping in’ and walked off, no good was ever going to come from engaging with them.

An aggressive confrontation coming right out of the blue like that, of course you're shaken and upset. Honestly OP, don't beat yourself up any further, you're not pathetic - some people are just plain nasty. Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree in this case.

God knows what kind of life they have when they feel they have to escalate every tiny perceived slight into a full on row and think intimidation is the means to whatever end they have in mind. The other people watching would have probably been worried they might turn on them if they intervened but it'll be them they are judging not you. Just be thankful you aren't them.

They both sound like nasty little gobshites.

If I'd noticed someone 'swooping' in to get something after I'd walked off I'd have apologised for not noticing that I was in the way. Because they clearly were.

Why say anything? Either have the argument and give as good as you get or ignore! So yes I think yabu a bit.

Are there people who hang around all the time on MN just waiting to give stupid first responses to posts?

Of course they were aggressive loons. Why on earth would OP 'give as good as she got' unless she is also a nutter? What's the value in shouting at a stranger for no apparent reason?

@OP of course you are not unreasonable to be upset. Keep in mind that their punishment is that they have to be them for the rest of their lives.

she said she swooped in as she’d been waiting a bit, which has obviously pissed them off

Which is fucking crackers. Who gets so enraged at someone moving quickly to get something they were just looking at that they start screaming in someone's face?

Um Creeper, the OP did wait her turn. She didn’t dart in front of them, push them out of the way or grab their apples from their trolley.

Ok, she was close to them. And the crime here is?

They are nasty people. Imagine what their home life is like to be like that around total strangers.

I cant understand why the op said “excuse me?!” unless she was equally looking to argue. She obviously was just outnumbered which is why shes upset.

So she asked for it because she said excuse me to being called a bitch?

Of course it wasn’t her fault. She went in for produce when there was an opportunity. That may have been rudely early or not. Responding the way they did was beyond any rational response.

I bloody hate it when some people will try to justify any behaviour at all no matter how ridiculous.

I wouldn't try to analyse it because you'll never understand their behaviour. Some people just operate on a totally different level and you'll never get it looking at it from a reasonable point of view.

This totally ruined your day but it will be par for the course for them to treat people like this so it won't even register. It's just how they go about their daily life.

You could console yourself with thinking what miserable lives they must have if this is how they treat people. They wouldn't be able to hold down a job for a start.

Like I said she probably came off as passive aggressive tbh.

Their behaviour is clearly out of line. Its not even a question if they were unreasonable. There was however no need for you to engage with them when they called you a stupid bitch. There also was no need for others to get involved. We can't change how others act only how we react to it. Had you ignored their comment they would still be in the wrong and you wouldn't be upset right now.

Creeper so you're one of those people who think it's OK to spend ages inspecting each item on the shelf while a queue of people builds up behind you? Those people are a massive PITA - you do realise it's extremely inconsiderate to others?

(Most people have a life, and a 4hr trip to the supermarket isn't the highlight of our weekend )

Oh ffs creeper8

What about the woman in Paris who got a smack to the face for telling a sexist lout to piss off? Did she deserve that because she might have come over as a bit aggressive?

Sometimes there is behaviour which simply isn’t justifiable.

Honestly I just wouldn't engage. Just back away and ignore. Some people just want to fight.

I wouldn't bother with security, they tend to be slow and fairly useless.

I cant understand why the op said “excuse me?!” unless she was equally looking to argue

There are a lot of pushovers around today.

Thank you all. I've called and made a complaint.

And to the poster who asked if it was London. Yes, lewisham.

The op isn’t at fault. She didn’t start it. She waited until they moved off to pick the apples up and reacted, as most people would to being called a name. I’m sure we have all said ‘excuse me’ in reaction to being shocked at hearing something that you can’t quite believe you have heard.

YANBU, even if they did feel you was being pushy that is still no way to behave.

If someone gets in my face shouting I normally recommend a breath mint. Though that always has the potential to escalate

Like I said she probably came off as passive aggressive tbh.

How can simply reacting to actual aggression be criticised for being passive-aggressive?

@Creeper8 and how would you respond if someone called you a stupid bitch apropos of nothing? Would you really just say sorry and walk off? The OP responded with faint surprise and politeness.

Tbh if I understood this kind of behaviour I'd be worried about myself. And as for those defending it ... I just hope I don't shop in the places you do.

I am glad you have made a complaint. Try to put t out of your mind now