To ask how you deal with the incredibly spoiled children of your friends?

[Merryoldgoat]

Just that really.

We’ve had some friends over today with their children.

It was awful. They’re overindulged little drama lamas and they absolutely destroyed my son’s room.

Their parents were entirely unconcerned.

I sent a message after they left to explain the extent of the horror and they’re apologetic but I honestly am shocked.

My son is no angel by any stretch but he’d never behave like that, never.

I feel very upset by the lack of respect.

I’m suffering from PND so am a bit sensitive and I don’t really know what I want to say. I just had to vent a bit,

I'd have told them off but then again I'm close enough with my friends that we can give each others kids a ticking off without being afraid. Too many people are offended if you even look at their kids never mind criticise them

Well, I'm not deluded enough to think that my kids - good, my friend's kids - bad. My friend and i always used to say that wehn our girls got together they egged each other on a bit. They're still the same, their bedrooms a normal mess now. But the giggling! And I'm still friends with a woman whose friendship was very valuable to me.

Everybody has to do what is right for them but it seems like it's one of those situations that is screaming out for a bit of a think before a kneejerk reaction.

I wouldn;t have children like that over again. Not a chance. One of my DD's friends scribbled all over her duvet cover and tipped toys out like that at the age of 7! WAY old enough to know that's wrong. From a 4 year old I could JUST forgive that but not at 7.

She was never asked again. I honestly think some parents don't say anything when children do this at their own homes and then of course, they're not doing them any favours because the invitations soon dry up.

I think it is the lack of respect from the other parents that I could not get over.

Crikey OP - that is fucking feral.

I really like the post about friendships being based on shared values. That is so true.

Clear up the sty and notch it up to experience. Lesson learned that this family will NEVER be welcome again.

A few children can get carried away and make quite a mess without being awful children, I mean yours was doing it too.

What would annoy me is that they could have helped you tidy or if I'd seen that going on and my children involved I would have put a stop to it.

The room we have with all the toys in does look pretty horrendous after a few children have been in it.

This is not just toys. It includes lots of other stuff like clothes and ironing. And I too am amazed that some think this is okay.

I had one kid spit chewing gum out onto my floor and another one stuck it in my newly valeted car door handle.
I've now banned all make up, fake nails and nail varnish from my home too. A group of 11yo's fucking wrecked the place while my own DD pretty much stood by (on the Xbox and her iPhone). DD didn't touch the nails (thick blobs of nail glue all over my new flooring and DD's bedding) or play with the make up that they began squirting at each other with and trying to smear it on each other like a bloody Indian powdered Paint festival!!! And that was after DH and I had told them to stop. We got ignored.

I do sometimes wonder what other people's houses look like. Mine's quite a mess but their's must be horrendous.
Tbh losing friends who allow their kids to disrespect your home so badly is no loss at all.

I’d expect the 7yo at least to know that game wasn’t on.
It does just seem to be mess though rather than anything broken or destroyed. Surely you can just tell them that any mess made next time will have to be tidied before they leave and I’m sure they’ll be much more careful in future. Get your child to tidy most of it and I’m sure they will police any mess making in future!
I’m pretty laid back about mess though and so long as they were being nice to each other and nothing was actually broken it wouldn’t be a big issue for me.

Christ from some of the comments here, your houses must be a total mess.

Piggy OP's child is Autistic. She's said so quite clearly.

'Children are children'..Er, mine don't behave like that and I'd be fucking livid if they did. Children do what they can get away with. It's the reason mine are always invited back to other people's houses: they're expected to tidy up their shot, not make it.

Ok sorry it wasn't in the OP.

I wasn't being unkind in any event I just said kids get carried away and make a mess, as did the OP.

The parents of the visitors should have helped or stopped them.

It’s bloody irksome, lovely friends who let their DC go feral.
I sit on the strict end of parenting because I have four children, two large rescue dogs and a job I’ve worked very hard to be good at.
Some of my good friends now have one child and don’t do paid work.
We’re at totally different stages. While I love them and their children, I hate the consequences of their parenting choices in my house.

But, teen DC’s most annoying childhood friends are rather lovely now they’ve grown up and I love their parents even more.

I’m glad I didn’t let one lifestage wreck a friendship.

Meet your friend on her own for catch ups, don’t socialise en famille at your house till the DC are old enough to come over by themselves.

Surprised by the posters saying it's not a big deal. For most people, more than two hours tidying would feel like a pretty big deal and when you've got a baby and PND, it's a fucking massive deal.

Friends who don't offer to help tidy up after their kids have made that kind of a mess aren't proper friends. Fuck 'em.

My house isn’t a total mess as any mess is tidied but it does get messy when the children are playing sometimes - especially when they were little.
I agree it’s not worth losing friends over. The ops was joining in and could easily become involved in a similar game in someone else’s house. Would the op think it a little excessive if her child was banned from someone’s house in that case? Supervised play dates downstairs would be more sensible.
While I agree that tipping stuff out is a pita I’ve had play dates where things have been broken, children have been aggressive etc and I’d take mess over those any day. The only children I ever stopped aiming over where those who were mean (and not pulled up in it by their parents).

DS made a mess like that once when he was about 4. I put it all into bin bags and he had to earn it back, but by bit. YANBU.

The kids were not just playing and happened to make lots of mess. The game was about making a mess. It was deliberate.

And how could the parents help tidy if neither they nor the op knew about the mess until after they left? Had they just sat and watched it happen then yes they should have stopped it.
Surprised that so many people on here have kids that never misbehave. I’ve never hosted perfectly behaved children so would love to know where they’re all hiding!

I thought OP had said the other parents had gone up to get them to go home. I'd have expected them to help sort it all out if they'd seen it.

If I had been a parent who went to collect my kids and seen that mess, I would have read them the riot act and made them tidy up and apologise before leaving.

That family are going to run out of places to visit. Who would ask them back a second time?

The kids were brats, and parents not much better. Certainly no loss in the friend department.

Ok I’ve seen the dripfeeds now about the parent seeing it (even though it says in the op she had to text to tell them the full extent of the mess so they clearly didn’t see it all). The other parent also told the op they were making a mess, as did the children, and she said it was fine. So maybe they took her at her word.
Arsey texts and banning the children from the house is insane behaviour. Just supervise the kids and make them tidy up before they go!

I wouldn't have them over again OP.
They made the mess on purpose and the parents didn't do anything to stop them or tell them off.