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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you deal with the incredibly spoiled children of your friends?

287 replies

Merryoldgoat · 22/09/2018 22:54

Just that really.

We’ve had some friends over today with their children.

It was awful. They’re overindulged little drama lamas and they absolutely destroyed my son’s room.

Their parents were entirely unconcerned.

I sent a message after they left to explain the extent of the horror and they’re apologetic but I honestly am shocked.

My son is no angel by any stretch but he’d never behave like that, never.

I feel very upset by the lack of respect.

I’m suffering from PND so am a bit sensitive and I don’t really know what I want to say. I just had to vent a bit,

OP posts:
hmmwhatatodo · 22/09/2018 23:41

I can’t bear that kind of nonsense.

llangennith · 22/09/2018 23:42

One of DGS's 3yo play dates walked into the playroom and suggested 'let's tip all the toy boxes out'. Fortunately I heard him and went into the playroom fast but not before he'd tipped out two boxes: one of Playmobil and one of soldiers. I told him there would be no more of it and made sure we all put every item back into their boxes saying "this is not playing, this is making a mess". Poor DGS was completely overwhelmed by the chaos! And he wasn't (and still isn't) a particularly tidy child😂
Some kids are born evil and some just have crap parents.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/09/2018 23:45

llangennith that's a bit extreme for superficial mess. Of course I'd be angry like OP is, and I think no play dates for a while and if they they play where they can be watched but it makes them naughty, not evil.

OP what did yiur friends say when they saw it? I'd be bloody mortified of my kid had been involved!

Babyroobs · 22/09/2018 23:45

I once held a birthday party for my son and two of the kids didn't want to join in with games etc and went off into our front room which was a playroom. They completely trashed it, broke things, pulled tapes ( we are going back a good few years) off the reels. I was shocked. they have never been invited back .

ny20005 · 22/09/2018 23:45

One of my sons friends used to make a mess & then conveniently need to go home before tidying up.

He stopped doing it once I wouldn't jet him leave till he'd picked up every Lego brick (he'd tipped the whole storage box upside down)

Can't believe the parents saw that & didn't make them help tidy up !

Alittlebitofthat · 22/09/2018 23:46

We have friends whose DC does this. The rule in our house is one toy out last toy in which my children tried to tell this other child. I tried the ok ........ let’s put some of these in the toy room before anything else is taken out. I was totally ignored by child and parents, before they left I commented about what a mess toy room was and that their DC should help tidy. Parents ignored me as did child. When they left I went to clean up room as I didn’t feel it fair making my kids do it, they hadn’t even been in room, but both of them came in and helped me tidy as ‘it’s not fair you have to tidy up mummy’. But even though the parents are really good friends of ours I’ve realised their parenting ideas are v different to ours and we just prepare before the visit. My kids pack away precious toys, Lego etc and as a family we blitz tidy after they leave. It’s not worth losing good friends over in my opinion.

RachelTeeth · 22/09/2018 23:49

Marthas do you mean you think it’s acceptable for friends to fail to control their children while they trash someone’s property? Because surely you don’t think that’s in any way ok?

MissEliza · 22/09/2018 23:49

You're fortunate it's just friends whose dcs do this. My dh's dns behave like this. They also nag bad whine incessantly.Unfortunately I can't say a word. My dcs are starting to hate them though as a result. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

Jeanclaudejackety · 22/09/2018 23:52

From an nt 7 year old that's very poor behaviour and I'd be very very annoyed at my nieces and nephews who are that age if they did that. However did you not hear any of this going on? Did no one pop up and see any of it?

Skittlesandbeer · 22/09/2018 23:52

Can’t believe posters saying that you’re overreacting, and that it’d only take them 10 minutes to clear up!

Yeah, right, OP has to redo the ironing and separate out multiple puzzles and board game pieces that have been tipped into a pile.

10 minutes, my arse.

OP, friendships are built on shared values. This family clearly don’t share yours (or mine). I’d be phasing them out. No anger, just a clear calm decision. Modern family life is chaotic enough without having to work around other people’s lazy parenting, and giving up your rare free time to mitigate the damage they do.

JungMum · 22/09/2018 23:53

you must have friends to burn if you're going to lose a friend over your their children being extremely messy.

One of my best friends, my dd and her dd used to trash my dd's room. Never her daughter's room though Confused but anyway, I'm extremely glad I never fell out with a good friend over a bedroom that could be tidied up in half an hour.

Have a glass of wine and tidy it up tomorrow.

Cindersdonegood · 22/09/2018 23:54

Your pic looks extremely similar to how my DS's room looks after a certain kid has been round. In the end my DS stopped letting the boy in from playing on the park outside because his room was wrecked every single time. If I told the boy (and my DS) to clean it up he would just stare at me and then completely refuse to acknowledge me. He always reacted that way. When I'd tell him not to kick a football in the garden he would stare straight at me, look at the ball, look back at me and then carry on kicking it as if I hadn't said anything at all.
His mother has fallen out with me recently because I'm okay with my DS (much younger than him and not really a friend as it's my DD and his DSis who are the friends) not wanting him inside the house when they boy's DSis comes in.
He actually smashed my kids iPad once and bolted out the door admitting nothing. I know for sure that even if I did tell his mum, she'd say he never did it. I had to claim a new one on my home insurance. He took out one of my garden pots too after I'd said no kicking the ball in the garden. Some parents really don't give a shit what their kids do because they simply refuse to see it or believe it.

abacucat · 22/09/2018 23:55

OP I would be furious too.

JungMum · 22/09/2018 23:55

@marthasginyard, I agree, when my kids were small i used to see the tidying up as the PRICE you paid for the opportunity to talk to your friend without having kids interrupting you. and ps, I'm extremely lazy adn i don't love tidying up! but kids make mess.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/09/2018 23:58

you must have friends to burn if you're going to lose a friend over your their children being extremely messy
It isn't just the mess though is it, it's also about a lack of basic respect. Their kids have strewn OP's dirty underwear around!! The parents have gone up and seen it and said oh it's a bit of a mess and come back down again. No riot act of this is not how we treat other people's things. And when they've all seen it together they've again just slunk off and ignored it.

I assumed OP meant that if friends saw this they'd stop talking to her rather than other way around but even so, I wouldn't want them back over next week for a repeat performance.

Just sorting out the ieces from several puzzles, jigsaw puzzles and games into the right boxes and making sure it's all there will take ages. Plus sorting out the washing, tidying all clothes away, putting all toys back etc.

It's bloody rude

abacucat · 22/09/2018 23:58

No this is not just mess. It was done deliberately to make a mess.

JungMum · 23/09/2018 00:00

The parents didn't make the mess. They have apologised.

It's a pita tidying up, I get it. But if they're good friends and you lose them because their kids are messy, then.......... Confused you may be lonely in a tidy house one day. It's not good priorities.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/09/2018 00:01

see the tidying up as the PRICE you paid for the opportunity to talk to your friend without having kids interrupting you
You'd prefer the kids rummaging through the dirty washing and your own kids upset than having to actually supervise them for an hour?

Jeanclaudejackety · 23/09/2018 00:04

Jesus some frightening perspectives on here, if your kids did that in someone's home, dragged their dirty knickers about, dragged around clean ironing, you'd not care and just be grateful for an uninterrupted chat? Good luck with your little darlings

Jeanclaudejackety · 23/09/2018 00:05

Kids behavior is at an all time low these days imo and I can see why!!

MarcieBluebell · 23/09/2018 00:06

O is this a game! Once had kids over who broke things off our playmobil toys and emptied every box of toys then put all the duvets in a bundle. Couldn't work out what they'd been doing!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/09/2018 00:06

Yanbu. Okay fairenough when kids are playing there's bound to be some mess.
However Assuming theyre not 2year old babies. That's just down right disrespect.
I bet there's not a thing out of place in theIr homes.

MyHusbandSaysIHave1000MNNames · 23/09/2018 00:07

Just saw the picture. Fucking hell. Made me laugh in a shocked way.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/09/2018 00:07

All that said though. I'm not sure it's worth ending a friendship over

SleepingStandingUp · 23/09/2018 00:08

Jung and Martha can have lots of fun play dates with each others kids!

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