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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a terrible parent or was the woman BU?

274 replies

poppy2006 · 22/09/2018 13:26

In the library in the kids' section my DCs (nearly 3 and 15 months) were a bit squealy and shouty.

Woman covers her ears and says "For gods sake, can't you keep them quiet?"

Me or her?

OP posts:
tillytop · 22/09/2018 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/09/2018 18:35

it's not "what children do", it's what children are allowed to do when parents don't respect other people and instil that lack of respect and entitlement on their children

We could do with that being somehow "pinned" to every thread about child noise ...

GreyGardens88 · 22/09/2018 18:36

YABU!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/09/2018 18:37

They’re lending libraries, Cherry?
Take the books home and shriek away to your hearts content.
It’s no more compulsory to read the books on the premises than it is to eat the food you’ve just bought whilst still in the supermarket.

C0untDucku1a · 22/09/2018 18:37

You definitely because children should not be squealing and shouting in a library. YOU have to teach them they are quiet places. And reinforce this each time they are noisey. Fun doesnt mean always having to be loud!

Her possibly. It depends how long the childrwn were squealing and loud for before she reacted so rudely. First bit of shouting - she was also BU. Several minutes of shouting and squealing, then no.

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 18:45

Are we still living in the 60s? Library's are supposed to encourage young children to read and enjoy books.

And they did that perfectly well in the 60s. Probably better than they do now. Since when does reading and enjoying books involve shrieking and shouting?

MissLingoss · 22/09/2018 18:46

Where I grew up, the children's library was in a separate room, but the children's librarian, Miss F., certainly wouldn't have tolerated squealing and running around. She did however teach generations of children how to appreciate and care for books. I can remember her demonstrating the best way to turn a page to avoid tearing it or creasing it. On Saturdays she always had a group of older children 'helping' with shelving books and filing the cardboard tickets we had then.

YouTheCat · 22/09/2018 18:46

How did I ever manage to foster a love of books? I wasn't allowed to run and shout in libraries.

In order to learn to read, children need to be able to sit and listen. When they do this and enjoy the stories they are listening too that's when they start loving books. I really can't see how running and screaming helps at all.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 22/09/2018 18:47

YABU, libraries are supposed to be quiet places.

YouTheCat · 22/09/2018 18:47

*to

Andro · 22/09/2018 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CherryPavlova · 22/09/2018 18:51

Our libraries are called public libraries not lending libraries - although they do loan books they offer so much more. It’s about 15 years since I last went to storytime. The children were sitting mainly but they were certainly not encto be silent. Reading is interactive and that is why most good children’s areas in libraries have huge beanbags, puppets, cuddly sofas, colouring tables and are separate from the adult section.
No I wouldn’t expect children to bounce on the sofa, run between the adult book shelves or shout “Bottom” very loudly but neither would I expect or want hushed silence in response to an exciting story.
Do none of the “Silence advocates” ever laugh out loud when reading a book on a train?

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 18:52

Probably why libraries are closing, they don’t really feel welcoming to young people with children

So why were young people with children fine with them before all the extra fussy stuff?

its More likely to be finding cuts and the ease with which books are available cheaply.

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 18:53

funding cuts

amusedbush · 22/09/2018 18:58

I have ASD and that high pitched shriek that babies do when they are excited gives me heart palpitations. I would have been totally on edge and (internally) angry about it too.

Libraries used to be quiet retreats but apparently it’s not the case any more. When the university library was closed for a holiday last year I went to our local community one and it was like Bring In Da Noise, Bring In Da Funk. I couldn’t get a bastard thing done!

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 22/09/2018 19:00

When I was trying to write my dissertation I went to the public library and it was so loud that I gave up and went to the pub next door, which was quieter.

HisBetterHalf · 22/09/2018 19:03

for gods sake children should be able to enjoy libraries x ignore the haters

youlethergo · 22/09/2018 19:04

Surely there's a reasonable position where everyone gives a little? Isn't that the only way to get along in life?

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 19:04

Amusedbush I know exactly what you mean and it's awful but your description has made me smile! Our university library lets students eat in there! In a fucking library! Shock

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 22/09/2018 19:04

Yes but so should other people. Kids should be able to enjoy libraries but not in the same way they enjoy, say, soft play.

Nameynamechangeforthis · 22/09/2018 19:05

Had a similar experience to Ethel. My parents came to stay for the laat week of the summer hols to care for my dc's so I could finish a piece of coursework. I went to the town library and there was so much noise I would have been better of at honr. One lady came in to use the photocopier with her preschooler shouting LET ME OUT (of his buggy) for about half an hour. It would be much more tolerable if she'd made even the tiniest effort to keep him quiet except tell him to SHUT Up at 5 minute intervals. when you are trying to get away from your own noisy children someone else's noisy child is like nails down a blackboard.

pandarific · 22/09/2018 19:07

The children's section part of the main public library in my area is open plan. Whose genius idea this was I am not sure, but omg the echoes.---- Hmm

It's a library. People go there to read and to study. It should be quiet.

Bimgy85 · 22/09/2018 19:13

Both... she was rude however you should be warning your kids prior to the library that it is a quiet space and not being quiet will lead to leaving

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 19:22

HisBetterHalf

ignore the haters

Can you please explain to me why you see dissenting voices as “haters” as that is quite an extreme conclusion you have arrived at.

There is no hate from me.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/09/2018 19:24

Anyone who dismisses those with a different opinion as haters must have an IQ in single figures.
Or is actually 10 years old...