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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a terrible parent or was the woman BU?

274 replies

poppy2006 · 22/09/2018 13:26

In the library in the kids' section my DCs (nearly 3 and 15 months) were a bit squealy and shouty.

Woman covers her ears and says "For gods sake, can't you keep them quiet?"

Me or her?

OP posts:
MadMum101 · 22/09/2018 17:43

Perhaps all mothers of young children should be prepared and put duct tape over the mouths of their children just in case they let out a squeal or a shout (as young children are prone to do) and offend adults who are sensitive to childish sounds which they probably made themselves at some point.

OP consider yourself told. You terrible parent you Grin.

starryeyed19 · 22/09/2018 17:43

There are some very outdated ideas of what a library should be like on this thread. I still maintain that the woman who complained in that manner was rude. She could have asked a member of staff to say something.

OP, you weren't being unreasonable. Kids make noise. They don't always behave appropriately or as you would like or as complete strangers would like. Please don't let this put you off going to the library. It's supposed to be a place for everyone to go.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 22/09/2018 17:44

Perhaps all mothers of young children should be prepared and put duct tape over the mouths of their children just in case they let out a squeal or a shout

A simple “no squealing in the library darling” will suffice. You know, like most of us with children do?

MissLingoss · 22/09/2018 17:50

It's supposed to be a place for everyone to go.

Including people who want a quiet space to read or study?

One of the purposes of a library used to be to provide a safe, quiet place for schoolchildren to do homework, if they didn't have such a place in their own homes.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 17:52

The majority of people have said that they prefer libraries to be quiet and restful environments. Is it really the case that their ideas are outdated and they should put up and shut up, or is there now an issue that libraries no longer offer a usable facility to these tax-payers due to their encouragement of poorly behaved children?

Btw in a thread of some really quite spectacular moments (yes I've reported you tillytops) I think one of my favourites was that people should wear ear defenders in libraries. Brilliant.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 22/09/2018 17:53

It's supposed to be a place for everyone to go.

To read. Which requires quiet.

People aren’t allowed to play football in them either, even if they’re professional footballers, (they’re footballers, it’s what they do! Wink

Birdsgottafly · 22/09/2018 17:54

I felt sorry for the Man who had to use the computer by the area were the 'Rhyme time' was held.

He had to try to concentrate and take a phone call as seven children sang 'the grand old duke of York' and 'sleeping bunnies' etc. He didn't show that he was bothered by it, in any way, though. I was there with my GD.

It's a shame that many libraries have had to move premises and the children's sections aren't out of the way. However, the 15 month old can't be helped, but the 3 year old should be able to behave appropriately.

Babyshark2018 · 22/09/2018 17:56

Yeah library’s should be quiet but sometimes people just need to cut you some slack. Don’t feel bad.

I regularly go into my towns library to breastfeed in the kids bit as it’s comfortable and my baby is sometimes screaming on the way in...

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 22/09/2018 17:59

She could have asked a member of staff to say something

I don’t understand starryeyed you said it’s fine to make as much noise as you like in libraries so what would a member of staff be expected to do if the lady spoke to him/her?

starryeyed19 · 22/09/2018 18:01

OK, this libraries being quiet thing is obviously going to be the hill that people will die on. I've worked in libraries for 20 years. School, public and academic. And have experience of the different types of users. I'm not just talking out of my arse.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience, OP. And everyone else, I hope you find the libraries you are looking for. As long as you go and use them and take books, magazines, DVDs, ebooks and audiobooks out. And attend events and story times and baby rhyme times.

Enjoy your libraries whilst you can x

abacucat · 22/09/2018 18:03

starryeyed Lifelong library users like me have stopped going because it has turned into a playground. Now open plan so whole place is very noisy. Before the children's section was in a separate room and it was fine.

PhilomenaButterfly · 22/09/2018 18:06

They're 3 and 15 months, it's the children's section.

  1. Good luck with keeping them quiet.

  2. I think everyone expects a little noise in the children's section.

I hope she's never there at storytime!

Courtney555 · 22/09/2018 18:09

There's 150 people saying, it's basic manners and respect to have your children behave appropriately and to show consideration to others. If they keep shouting, a quick word outside, to say, look, if you want to go back in, you need to stop XYZ.

Then there's one or two coming out with sensible things, like, well I'll just duct tape their mouths shut. If you are incapable of getting your children to act with respect to others, that you can't think of anything else than tape their mouths shut, then your parenting skills are exactly why you've got such shouty entitled children.

These are the ones letting their kids act equally as ignorantly in restaurants Grin

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 22/09/2018 18:09

I don’t think OP has said that it was the children’s section has she?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 22/09/2018 18:10

I hope she's never there at storytime

Noisier organised sessions are easy to avoid. Children just making noise the rest of the time without any attempt to stop them is totally different.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 18:11

Starryeyed, our library is now part coffee shop, part soft play area so no, I don't go there any more. Policies brought in by people like you have made libraries unusable for me.

yestocheesecake · 22/09/2018 18:12

@MadMum101 I second that!

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 18:12

@courtney555

I’m currently doing a metaphorical happy dance round my living room at your last post.

Yes. That sums it up.

I just want to read a book at the library. I want my children to be able to do that too - is that not what libraries are for?

Charell20 · 22/09/2018 18:15

Are we still living in the 60s? Library's are supposed to encourage young children to read and enjoy books. My library has a sign that says something along the lines of 'If your children are noisy, it's ok, we want them to feel comfortable coming here and enjoying the books' or something to that effect.

Andro · 22/09/2018 18:16

is that not what libraries are for?

It's what they used to be for...in some cases I'm not so sure anymore.

Fortunately my local library has the children's library on a different floor to the main library, the reference library is also completely separate. I love not needing ear defenders!

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 18:19

Are we still living in the 60s? Library's are supposed to encourage young children to read and enjoy book

Yes. To read - typically if a child is reading they are also not simultaneously running around shrieking and screaming. That’s not reading!!

It’s like taking a child to the swimming pool to play on the floats and bouncy castle things and saying they had a swimming lesson.

Topseyt · 22/09/2018 18:20

Namechange, in her very first sentence she says it was the kids section.

Courtney555 · 22/09/2018 18:24

Again.

I was raised to respect the place I was in and show consideration to those around me from day one. If I behaved in a way that disrespected or disturbed either of those things, I was removed from the situation, explained to that if I wanted to go back in, I had to stop XYZ.

There's plenty of places I was allowed to scream and shout. Parks, playgrounds, tearing around the garden with my friends. In libraries, restaurants, etc it's not "what children do", it's what children are allowed to do when parents don't respect other people and instil that lack of respect and entitlement on their children.

Sit in stark silence? No one expects that from an under 5. Sort out your kids screaming in a library, er, yes, that is expected of the parent.

CherryPavlova · 22/09/2018 18:26

Running around shouting in adult areasxnot acceptable but I can’t imagine reading some children’s books without being quite loud. How do you whisper ‘Bear Hunt’? How do you not squeal at the Gruffalo? Ho do you not shout when looking at Peepo or finding the little duck in Apple tree farm pages?
A love of literature is far, far more important than silence. Encouraging young families into rapidly disappearing libraries is vital to ensure we retain them in public ownership.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/09/2018 18:28

Lifelong library users like me have stopped going because it has turned into a playground

That was happening at the one where I volunteer so, while keeping all the kids' facilities, staff started asking the parents - politely of course - to discourage too much noise

Needless to say a few stomped off claiming they were all "haterz", but the majority of parents really appreciated it. Now it's a really lovely space which the youngsters (and everyone else) love coming to, and is getting more popular by the day

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