AIBU to feel a lot of sympathy for Lily Allen?

[longwayoff]

The description of her childhood in her recent memoir sounds horrible and extremely damaging. As described, her self indulgent showbiz parents may have paved the way for her in her career but seem to have failed on every other level. Very depressing, I hope she gets a good therapist.

Wow there are some very very angry people on here. Anyone would think LA had done something nasty to them personally!

Just because she has money doesn’t mean she hasn’t suffered. The bile directed at her is quite scary because as far as I’m aware she hasn’t physically hurt anyone or used hate speech. To me she looks a bit lost and has no filter.

Liam Gallagher was caught on camera assaulting his girlfriend and the thread barely made 3 pages and even then people didn’t seem half as enraged as they do about LA??

You're right mypoint. A child who has never been loved will often fail to recognise love in later life whilst looking for it through incontinent sexual behaviour, self medication with drink and/or drugs and infantile attention seeking behaviour. We all recognise people like this. Some we loathe, some we venerate, some we like to scapegoat. Money isnt really significant.

Didn't you make mistakes that someone with your gifts or privileges could have avoided? I know I did.

I can’t really think of my privileges in comparison to LA’s, I was thrown out at 17 as my DM had addiction issues and my DF had died of cancer when I was 12. The Bloomsbury “digs” was not their only home, her mum owned several properties, which Lily continued to live in once she had left school and was earning her own money. I think her wealth and privilege gives her more time to ruminate on what she didn’t have. If she was busy scraping to eat she might not have time to bemoan her DM missing a school concert because she had the audacity to have a car crash on the way and end up in hospital (this is from the book). I also find the miscarriage lie to be really upsetting.

I really did have sympathy for her but the more I read, the more I feel she is being indulged.

I'm genuinely sorry you have verb through such hard times pickle. I hope things are better now.

I hadn't realised she had lied about a miscarriage.

gone not verb Sorry.

If only every parent would take a bit of what she's having now. I found it genuinely impressive that she's willing to admit she's screwed up so her children don't wrongly apportion blame to themselves. That takes real love.

Um, wouldn’t real love be to not screw them up in the first place?

Yes. That would be better still obviously :)

But handling things well now is also important.

@mypointofview - handling things well would be to quietly continue therapy and make sure everyday that she’s not making the same mistakes. It isn’t writing a book about it.

I don't see why. Making your private life public wouldn't be my thing but it doesn't preclude handling it well. It's quite helpful for the public to see what she's learnt in therapy IMO.

@mypoint - why is it the public’s business. What happens in therapy is between you and your therapists. The beneficiaries of that therapy are you and your family and friends. Being on the public eye is not good for mental health. She admits having mental health issues. Therefore she’s not really doing much to help herself or her family. It’s all about the attention and the ££££££

It's how she makes her living, isn't it. You can hardly hang one person up to dry for something that thousands are doing unless you apply the same standard to everyone else in the public eye. That doesn't seem fair.

She also said that the book was primarily for her girls. Publishing it doesn't make it any less for her girls.

A lot of people share what they've learned in therapy. I don't know why that would mean you were insincere about it. It certainly wouldn't negate what you've learned in therapy.

@mypoint, and there I was thinking she was a pop star.....hmmmmmm

If she wants to write her thoughts down for her kids, that’s a beautiful thing. Why then share it with the world. That cheapens it.

I have been in therapy for many years. There’s a massive difference between sharing general principles of counselling and advice for life versus what she does, ie applying it directly to her fuck ups. Of course people are therefore going to have opinions. Those opinions will probably effect her negatively which won’t help mental health.

She’s by no way the only celeb who does this. Complains about public intrusion and effects on health, but then uses that machine to sell stuff.

YABU. She is a dreadful fake person.

Philip Larkin, This be the Verse, and Adrian Mitchell, This be the Converse, summarise the extremes of how parenting affects us all. Recommend both to anyone who's not come across them.

Just finished her book. I commend her for her honesty. While what's happened in her life since having kids will no doubt have had a negative impact on them at least she has made attempts to sort herself out & take responsibility

I feel a bit sorry for her as it sounds like she suffered from neglect when she was a child, hence the ultra attention seeking lifestyle. I have never thought of her as being talented although I quite liked the satire she did on pornified hip hop imagery a couple of years back.

I don't really see the book as being very useful to her 'recovery' though (although I guess it will make her a lot of money).

A PP nailed it

Women often get it way way worse than the men do . I am now off to google what that Bell end Liam Gallagher did .

It really baffles me . I don’t know if it’s tall poppy or something . I don’t really hate anyone and for Lily I just desperately hope she is OK . As I would for most humans .

We seem to be OK with the pretty and rather neutral anodyne celebs but pour vitriol on the ones who have , and dare to state an opinion. It’s the same for Caitlin Morán .

I wonder if she has borderline personality disorder. Often caused by a traumatic childhood. She has so many of the traits - self destructive behaviours, addiction, impulsive behaviour, lies, constant need for attention but hyper sensitive of criticism.

I don't have strong views on her to be honest - she doesn't come across as a malicious or nasty person at all. At times there is something quite endearing and very vulnerable about her. Then she does or says something ridiculous and you just think 'Oh Lily'. The lyrics on many of her songs are lovely, and so clever - The Fear for example. The acoustic version of that is one of my favourite songs.

I wish her well, she is just struggling through life like the rest of us.

swan, I thought that too. I hope she has the sense to see some professionals and try to solve her issues. It would be very sad if she sent her issues spirilling down to her daughters, it reminds me a bit of Paula Yates and Peaches which is uncomfortable.

And to be fair to Lily, whatever her faults she’s always totally protected her kids from the press, never used them as props. I wouldn’t recognise them if I saw them in the street.

I've recently finished reading her book and it's remarkably astute and very moving actually. She is very aware of her tendancy to "self-destruct" and describes it very well in the biography. I couldn't read it and not feel sorry for her.

I like that she had the guts to write it. And call it no shame.