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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a lot of sympathy for Lily Allen?

297 replies

longwayoff · 22/09/2018 08:02

The description of her childhood in her recent memoir sounds horrible and extremely damaging. As described, her self indulgent showbiz parents may have paved the way for her in her career but seem to have failed on every other level. Very depressing, I hope she gets a good therapist.

OP posts:
Theboldandthebeautiful1 · 22/09/2018 23:27

@CesiraAndEnrico

So moved by your insightful and honest post. Thank you for sharing this Flowers

Booom · 22/09/2018 23:29

Having a dysfunctional family is not improved by wealth. In fact being very rich from a ypung age is no good unless it is managed well.

Belina · 22/09/2018 23:31

No I dont feel sorry for her

Eemamc · 22/09/2018 23:32

I’ve just read a bit more about what she says about her childhood. It sounds like she was an incredibly vulnerable teenager. I work with very vulnerable young people and I would have serious concerns had I heard something similar relating to a young person I worked with. I would have to report this to my DSP and it would be followed up and taken very seriously. It seems like she was failed by a lot of adults in her life.

Eemamc · 22/09/2018 23:35

Neglect isn’t related to poverty or wealth. There are all kinds of reasons why a child might be neglected. Neglect can have a very negative impact on mental health.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/09/2018 23:51

Eemamc

That is a lot of assumptions made from very little.

Eemamc · 22/09/2018 23:54

A lot of assumptions made about what?
That neglect in childhood can affect adult mental health?
That a traumatic stillbirth can negatively affect mental health?
I’m confused.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/09/2018 23:55

A lot of assumptions made about lily allen.

Eemamc · 23/09/2018 00:03

If what she says about her childhood is true, then it definitely falls under neglect. I have regular safeguarding training as part of my job and this is exactly what it is for. Sadly i’ve also had to work with young people where this is a reality for them. It sounds like she was very vulnerable, something I would try to protect the young people I work with from. Also she has spoken publicly about the loss of her first child and how she feels she hasn’t moved on from it. Of course these would all impact someone’s mental health. Do you not think so?

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/09/2018 00:08

as you say if its true.

Yes she has spoken alot about the lost of her first child and much kudos to her for that.

but that doesn't excuse her use of escorts or dragging other people's names through the mud.

If she wants to write a tell all story about her life, then that would be her business, her life, her choice.

But to bring others in to it that is low.

Jeanclaudejackety · 23/09/2018 00:08

She's totally that girl who talks about that awful time her mum and dad had to sell one of the cars to pay that terms fees for the trendy 30 grand a year boarding school that gets everyone into RADA

Aka a bore
Try real life

PawneeParksDept · 23/09/2018 00:15

But "if it's true" is the big point

Her song about her brother the stoner?

A lie

Her average London Working Class Girl Schtick?

A lie

That time she said HBO had tried to get her to be in Game Of Thrones but they wanted her to let her brother feel her up?

A lie so HUGE that her own brother publicly called her a liar as did everyone associated to the show

That time she claimed to be homeless?

A lie

So forgive me if I pull a Hmm at her "neglected childhood" it's an insult to genuine victims of neglect. At worst she suffered from imperfect parenting as her children clearly also do now.

Eemamc · 23/09/2018 00:18

Just to be a provocateur here... are ladies involved in #metoo also “dragging peoples names through the mud”?
If her dad did laugh off one of his celebrity friends having sex with his 14 year old daughter that deserves to be called out right?
That was not right. Too long has stuff like this been brushed under the carpet. Some people deserve to have their names dragged through the mud. If she’s lying, then this is where libel laws should come into effect.

Admittedly involvement with sex workers is a different thing.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 23/09/2018 00:21

Nadine Shah was robbed of the Mercury Prize, not Lily Allen.

Eemamc · 23/09/2018 00:31

Right, i’m going to bed.
I can see people feel very negatively towards her. I can just see a lot of similarities between her early life and some of the young people I work with, which makes me sad.
Also, what she experienced with her first child was horrific, and that she has had PTSD from it, then later PND with her other children. That’s just all really hard. Regardless of anything else, just as a human I have sympathies for anyone who’s been through that.

viques · 23/09/2018 00:36

At least she appears to have abandoned the mockney accent.

ThatsHowYouSpellFRENDS · 23/09/2018 00:39

At some point, around 21, you have to grow up and stop blaming things on your “childhood.”

ThatsHowYouSpellFRENDS · 23/09/2018 00:40

Also. Some people allege that the sad tale she shares so easily with others is not actually true.

EachandEveryone · 23/09/2018 00:43

Her brother and sister dont seem to be affected. I remember her public spats with Peaches Geldof they were like peas in a pod really.

deadcat · 23/09/2018 02:42

@ThatsHowYouSpellFRENDS really?

5Yearplan4000 · 23/09/2018 02:51

Some people say all she does is lie for attention.

Strongmummy · 23/09/2018 07:19

If she’s telling the truth about her childhood then of course it’s awful. Her stillbirth; awful.

I feel sad for anyone who has gone through this. Do I feel more sad for Lilly Allen? No. Do I feel that she enjoys the attention? Yes. Do I think that she could be far more self aware about the struggles of others who don’t have her money and privilege? Absolutely.

Original poster
longwayoff · 23/09/2018 07:32

If all she does is lie and lie and lie again, how sad is that? Kudos for dead baby pp??? I know nothing about her other than bits of her recent memoir. If half of it is true, its more than enough to give her some sympathy. The comparison with Peaches Geldof? Well, she was an exemplar of good mental health wasnt she? In both cases, money was not enough to protect them. It rarely is. I feel more sorry for her than before. I feel more sorry than ever for her children. I loathe self indulgent parents whose children's needs are at the bottom of a long list of parental wants and needs. They produce maladjusted adults like Lily and Peaches. Who perpetuate more of the same. It is possible however, to find behaviour distasteful but have compassion for those playing out their disturbances.

OP posts:
AlphaBravo · 23/09/2018 07:36

Her PR machine is doing wonders at the moment. 4 weeks ago everyone had forgotten she even existed.

DeadGood · 23/09/2018 07:36

“
There is a lot of vitriol here. It must take a lot of energy to have such negative feelings about someone you’ve never met. I don’t really have a strong opinion about her either way tbh”

Agree