AIBU to feel a lot of sympathy for Lily Allen?

[longwayoff]

The description of her childhood in her recent memoir sounds horrible and extremely damaging. As described, her self indulgent showbiz parents may have paved the way for her in her career but seem to have failed on every other level. Very depressing, I hope she gets a good therapist.

So let me understand this. As long as someone is perceived as having more than enough money LA, JO, its ok to project all kinds of hatred at them as their money protects them in some way?

She’s the new Anthea Turner.

JO gets, rightly, slagged off for trying to direct the the poor how to live. E.g. the big televisions and cheesy chips outcry. Yes, poor person has a half decent tv and eats shit food. So fucking what.

No. Even I can't feel for Anthea. I dont think their circumstances compare.

I thought Jamie was Jamie Winston (Lily’s brothers GF) who is bloody awesome and a local girl, so I was about to go all Norf London 😂

But I see you mean Jamie Oliver who I neither like nor dislike. His food’s alright.

I dont think its up to us to judge if what she says is true...... all I think is that if what she says is true, she must understand the damage self obsessed parents, who are more interested in partying than parenting, do to children.

In that case she owes it , and owed it from when they were born, to calm down and think about their lives is 15-20 years time. No one wants their kids to read this stuff. This isnt exclusive to her though. Its a path walked by far too many famous people who will damage their children in ways their self obsession cant fathom.

I agree Oracle but I have noticed over the years -personal observation only, not researched - that damaged children sometimes, despite being aware of the poor parenting they received and complaining bitterly about it, go on to do the same with their own children. Almost as if they have a blind spot in that respect or it's an unnoticed compulsion. Logic would dictate that if you didn't like it, you wouldn't repeat it but that isn't always the case sadly.

I feel incredibly sorry for her in terms of everything that has happened to her, the stalking, the statutory rape, the awful experiences of losing children (I believe there was one miscarriage and one stillbirth), etc etc, but it's how you deal with those horrendous events in the aftermath that is what matters.

There are thousands of people who go through these things day in, day out, and still try and seek a better way forward (and many of them don't have the resources - i.e. the finance - to do it any way but on their own). She has the money and ability to gain the best possible treatment, and to work through these things, and many, many people do not. None of it can be used as an excuse for the behaviour shown in the recent past or at the moment, because otherwise you may as well say 'well X and Y happened, therefore I am going to be like 'this' and f*ck everyone else and what they think!'.

If, as some reports would have us believe, she is now seeking help, then good on her. I sincerely hope it works. Publicising one's misdemeanours and behaviour is not a form of therapy, nor will it help her children, in my opinion.

JO gets, rightly, slagged off for trying to direct the the poor how to live. E.g. the big televisions and cheesy chips outcry. Yes, poor person has a half decent tv and eats shit food. So fucking what. There are people lining up to offer poor people TVs for eleventy billion percent interest over 50 years. Chips are more hard to come by when you’re poor. Not that Lily has ever been a mother with no money.

Dear Lord, off topic but, I saw an ad on itv yesterday for a company flogging desirable household items for about a tenner a week at 99 per cent interest. I don't know why that's not illegal.

Absolutely every toxicity of privileged society is laid bare in this thread - and it's not Lily Allen.

Honestly, the majority of posters in here are beyond spiteful, really sick stuff.

No vitriol from me. I was just relating how genuinely shocked I was when I read something repellent LA had posted. I don't defend her many missteps, but I do always think that a famous man doing the same would be excused a lot more and reviled a lot less.

Lots of people have challenging childhood and misspent youth, I think saying she shouldn't have had children is foul. .... Most people are a bit twatty in some aspect or another, so she writes a book about it? I hardly think it warrants such vitriol.

Absolutely every toxicity of privileged society is laid bare in this thread - and it's not Lily Allen.

Honestly, the majority of posters in here are beyond spiteful, really sick stuff.

Firstly, you have no idea whether posters are privileged or not. Secondly that is an awful double standard. So it’s okay for Lily to publicly say the most awful and nasty things about people from her mother, to Cheryl Cole to teenage rape victims? Yet people who complain about her nastiness are the ones who should be told off for not being nice to Lily? You’ve just done the same thing yourself anyway. Poster’s are complaining she’s not very nice to people and insults them and you’re complaining that posters aren’t being nice to Lily and insult her! It’s a bit of a circular argument, but don’t forget Lily is not innocent of public spite either. She doesn’t extend to others the kindness you want to her to be given.

I don't think she should have had children. Hardly sets them a good example does she?

Also it was obvious her marriage was never going to work and then she lets the world know she is having an affair while still married. Why get married and have children almost immediately?

Oh and I agree with the poster who said she ruined the Keane song. I hate her version of it. She can't sing to save her life

She made a few good pop songs. She's pretty and funny and so on. You can only wish her the best - bringing a bit of fun and creativity into the world. The Calais setup with the BEEB annoyed me though, you can understand her getting emotionally overwhelmed but making a political statement blaming "the English in particular" and apologising on their behalf was a pretty cheap shot. You can understand why people wish she'd shut up.

I've no idea why she's written this book, but I can't really attack it as have not read it, and have no intention of. There do seem to be elements of Kiss n' Tell though . And from the snapshots given her parents don't sound Little House on The Prairie, but some quite average neglect for a 70s childhood (I know she's more 80s). Its terrible they seemed to have offerred her no guidance but being liberal showbiz themselves, its unlikely they have any to offer .
However eating toblerone with your brother in a room above the Groucho isn't great, but does it make a misery memoire book?

The she shouldn't have had children posts are spiteful though, really awful.

I read the sample of her book, quite liked it, doubt I would read the whole book because I have so much else to read but I reckon it will be interesting and readable enough if you like that sort of thing

landisfur, so no matter how awful a parent someone is they still should have children?

Maybe if she had waited a bit to have them it might have been better. As it is, no, she should not have had any

@mydog, life really doesn’t work like that tho does it. By your rule most of the population of the country shouldn’t be having kids as many people have unresolved issues from their childhoods. I’m sure that LA’s kids are not in any immediate danger either. however LA can pay to get her shit sorted. The issue is she isn’t self aware enough to do so quietly and act on it.

I’ve read a few more chapters since and sadly she does become more unlikeable.

She doesn’t really understand how much her mothers influence has helped her. She talks a lot about people saying her Dad giving her a leg up and how she hates it, but the connections her mother has given her have helped beyond belief.

She blames the press for some things she was quoted saying about Madonna, she talks about how the press go on about her going to boarding school as if that’s the source of their dislike of her, but it isn’t. The source is that she doesn’t take any blame for her actions, she doesn’t appreciate anything especially having money growing up, which she doesn’t think she did. And then there are pictures of her as a baby at a UB40 video and in Canada as if it’s standard.

I think she’s just said she faked a miscarriage but I can’t be clear because it’s like reading a teenage diary.

I saw her explaining that she'd written her book so her children could know how she had neglected them when they were small and rather than internalising it and thinking it was their fault, think 'That was Mum's fault' because now they know exactly how she failed them. And she's explaining that on morning tv.

If only every parent would take a bit of what she's having now. I found it genuinely impressive that she's willing to admit she's screwed up so her children don't wrongly apportion blame to themselves. That takes real love.

She grew up in BLOOMSBURY btw. In “student digs” with her Mum, brother and dad. Student digs in Bloomsbury for a family that size would be about £2k a month. I think she could have been showered with love from dusk till dawn as a child and would still be sad as an adult.

What does it matter what you think could have happened pickle? What matters is what did happen. How much your rent is has nothing to do with the security of your home life. Didn't you make mistakes that someone with your gifts or privileges could have avoided? I know I did.

Yes I'm sure she's sobbing all the way to the bank🙄

Surprising how many people think money buys happiness and a safe childhood. I thought we all knew that wasn't true.