Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have basically told neighbour to fuck off

221 replies

MrsPuff5 · 21/09/2018 18:11

Neighbour is also a school mum. Neighbour is generally rude to everyone. I tried to be friendly, invited her and kids over, out for days etc. She is not interested and ignores me. I wave hello and try to be cheery and she ignores me still. I take parcels in and over to her, she grunts and takes them. Last week I made a last ditch attempt at conversation and was told by her husband to leave it because my brother, who lives with us, is gay. They are Jehovah's witnesses... Sad but never mind. Would rather not be around people who think like that.

I have recently become friends with a couple of other school mums, who my neighbour is also friendly with apparently. Today I had invited those mums over for a drink before school run. Ten minutes in neighbour knocks and says she saw visitors arriving and can she join us? I replied "absolutely no, you ignore me, insult my family, but want my hospitality because your friends are here. You do not want to be around me, but will happily drink my drink and sit in my house. No." And I shut the door.

The women at my house said they understood but also called me harsh. Am I? Was I wrong?

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 22/09/2018 16:58

Is the gay brother the same one who is having a destination wedding that you were unsure about attending because your sister who once attacked you with a fork will also be going? or is this another brother who wasn't mentioned on that thread?

sueelleker · 22/09/2018 17:08

Jehovah's witnesses dont believe this. (In fact they don't believe anyone will go to Heaven, except 144,000 specific appointed people.)
I always wonder why they bother trying to convert people if they aren't going to Heaven anyway.

user1471456357 · 22/09/2018 17:14

Because they believe they will live on a paradise earth.

Original poster
MrsPuff5 · 22/09/2018 17:20

@MadameButterface
It goes crazy sister, then me ten years later, then my bro who is getting married. My littlest bro who lives with me is my dad's so technically my half bro, hence he is so much younger than all of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPuff5 · 22/09/2018 17:24

To clarify though, my mum has nothing really to do with my youngest brother and his mum died when he was little and he moved in last year after dad passed away.

OP posts:
figelnarage · 22/09/2018 17:26

You absolutely did the right thing.

PlinkPlink · 22/09/2018 17:30

Think you're bloody fantastic OP! Well done! You stood up for your family! There's no shame in that at all.

If she really wants to make amends, she will. I doubt that will happen however.

GreenMeerkat · 22/09/2018 17:32

No excuse for homophobia! I'd have done the same thing!

Rudi44 · 22/09/2018 17:38

My god, you are my hero. This is the kind of thing I always wish I had had the guts to do after the event. I hope it felt great

ApolloandDaphne · 22/09/2018 17:49

You did the right thing OP. I hope your neighbour rethinks her attitude to you and your brother.

GinghamStyle · 22/09/2018 17:58

I think if she can shun you for her beliefs, then you can shun her for yours!

Original poster
MrsPuff5 · 22/09/2018 18:02

@Rudi44
It didn't actually. I hid it because people were over but I felt really shaky and upset by it. I don't like conflict and have had a knot in my stomach since thinking I did the wrong thing and have caused us problems with the neighbours.

OP posts:
Elephant14 · 22/09/2018 18:05

Excellent. I like the sister attacking you with the fork story although I appreciate its much less fun on the prong end it. Jehovah's witnesses who don't go to heaven go to Scunthorpe ("I've been to heaven but I've never been to Scunthorpe" opined Tinie Tempah).

You are the Best Neighbour and I love you.

AHoleInTheWorld · 22/09/2018 18:08

Not harsh, you reap what you sow.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 22/09/2018 18:11

I have bad neighbours. For years I was patient with them, asking politely for consideration etc. I really wanted to get on with them.

A few years ago I snapped and now I won't put up with it anymore. Some people are just unreasonable and I need to accept that I will never get on with them.

Their bad behaviour has been toned down after several complaints to the council and landlord from me and other neighbours. I am the from most directly affected and lately the most vocal. They have directed their anger onto me and it has escalated again.

I feel better about myself for no longer being passive about it. I no longer feel walked all over but it's not pleasant seeing them and ignoring them everyday.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/09/2018 18:12

She had it coming .... at least you were honest.

WhiteCoyote · 22/09/2018 18:19

There’s one in every congregation.

I grew up with jehovahs witnesses (parents both were) although I never was myself. My first job most of the company were witnesses. 99% were lovely people (never homophobic - quite a number had gay siblings/family and would still treat them like family!) but there was always ONE complete and utter bonkers one who took every belief way too far.

The very same with every other religion or strong belief - veganism etc. I wouldn’t place too much on the fact she’s a Jehovah’s Witness, just a shit person.

josbd · 22/09/2018 18:25

The usual judgmental crap from the God botherers again. I had the same extreme prejudice and judgment made at our last house by a bunch of Christians AND the Jehovahs... For being gay. Furthermore, my housemate taught fire dancing in our garden. That went down well... We all became "heathens" too.. OP, you tried every which way to be friendly. She can fuck right off.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2018 18:26

I wouldn’t have had the nerve to say what you did. I probably would have asked her why now after all the effort you made. You made a choice to turn her away. There is only a certain amount a person can take. Unfortunately she is brainwashed but that is not your problem.

I agree with User. Most JW or anyone from very dogmatic religions generally mix very little with outsiders. I have heard some do a little.

ToftyAC · 22/09/2018 18:32

Major clapping from over here... we’ll done!

Serialweightwatcher · 22/09/2018 18:35

Well done you - you're all right to associate with if her other cronies are there, but otherwise to be avoided and ignored - you did exactly the right thing. If the others decide to dump you, you didn't need them in your life - stick by your principles Star

iris96 · 22/09/2018 18:49

Well done OP

vanillapieandicecream · 22/09/2018 18:58

OP, I think you are amazing and I wish there were more people like you. I cannot bear toxic, judgemental and malicious people like that. If we were friends, I would be pouring you lots of prosecco and then telling your neighbour that you had a massive point.

jcsp · 22/09/2018 19:23

Harsh, but justifyably so.

The head part of me would have invited her in for a chat and a gentle piece of my mind.

The heart part of me would have done just as you did.

Which would have won? Probably the heart in defence of my (adult) gay children.

I’ve never had neighbours/‘friends’ like this but if I’m honest I’m always half prepared for a conversation. I’m sure some acquaintances chatter behind our backs.

Visiting Jehovahs Witnesses and Mormons are treated politely but left in no doubt about my views on their LGBTQ treatment.

Family come way ahead of strange neighbours.

All the best.

Geekynzmum · 22/09/2018 19:57

Well done op for standing up to her and making her realise she can't have things both ways. You may find that she starts to make a bit of an effort to be more friendly with you and you may even receive an apology with any luck!
I find that unfortunately some JWs take things too literally with their teachings, however please don't tar them all with the same brush as a lot are lovely.
Most of my dad's side of the family are JWs and my sister is a lesbian, she is treated no differently to anyone else in the family despite this. We do however have one family member who took the teachings to the extreme, so much so that she cut contact with anyone in the family who wasn't a JW.