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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have basically told neighbour to fuck off

221 replies

MrsPuff5 · 21/09/2018 18:11

Neighbour is also a school mum. Neighbour is generally rude to everyone. I tried to be friendly, invited her and kids over, out for days etc. She is not interested and ignores me. I wave hello and try to be cheery and she ignores me still. I take parcels in and over to her, she grunts and takes them. Last week I made a last ditch attempt at conversation and was told by her husband to leave it because my brother, who lives with us, is gay. They are Jehovah's witnesses... Sad but never mind. Would rather not be around people who think like that.

I have recently become friends with a couple of other school mums, who my neighbour is also friendly with apparently. Today I had invited those mums over for a drink before school run. Ten minutes in neighbour knocks and says she saw visitors arriving and can she join us? I replied "absolutely no, you ignore me, insult my family, but want my hospitality because your friends are here. You do not want to be around me, but will happily drink my drink and sit in my house. No." And I shut the door.

The women at my house said they understood but also called me harsh. Am I? Was I wrong?

OP posts:
KeiTeNgeNge · 21/09/2018 23:13

But scones aren’t birthday cake so why would JW friends or even awful neighbour have an issue eating them?

GettingBackToMe · 21/09/2018 23:41

Going against the grain a bit here, but ... you say you've spent ages trying to be friendly, but her husband is quite forceful and rude about her not mixing with you. When she finally does pluck up the courage to be friendly, perhaps in the face of his objections, you slam the door in her face!

I totally see how you were offended, and of course you want to stand up for your brother, but I think you might have been able to do more good by inviting her in. Even if she did only come because her other friends were there, you could have shown her that there was no basis for her prejudices. Bit late now though!

itinkthereforeima · 22/09/2018 01:46

Unfortunately, potential victim status of the woman is not OP's problem. The woman needs to learn that her rudeness is not acceptable, even if it's being inspired by her awful husband. If OP let her in, she'd learn that she can completely get away with being nasty to people for religious reasons, reinforcing her husband's ideology. If indeed that is the reason for her behaviour and she's not just a nasty piece of work...

JustJoinedRightNow · 22/09/2018 01:49

Absolutely not wrong at all OP. I am pleased you had the courage to stand up for yourself and your family. Well done

Showpony2 · 22/09/2018 01:57

Good for you OP! Not harsh at all. And never take in another parcel for her again!

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 22/09/2018 02:11

I wouldnt have anyone who's openly homophobic under my roof either. I think she's learnt a harsh, life lesson.

CallMeRachel · 22/09/2018 02:20

Why do the neighbours know your brothers sexuality!?

It sounds as if you've tried your best with this woman up until today but I don't think it was fair to do that to her in front of your mutual friends.

You'll probably find they will side with her as you were 'harsh' and it'll be you watching them going into hers next Friday for the prosecco afternoon tea!

Cheetoburrito · 22/09/2018 02:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1forAll74 · 22/09/2018 03:45

That was the best response that you could give to the standoffish neighbour. I would have done the same.
Talking to Jehovah's witnesses can be very difficult, if you haven;t got the same beliefs.. I used to get a married couple of Jehovah's coming to my door, and I remember that they said that gay persons were very sinful,, but also they asked me if I had any children, so I said yes, they are in their forties now.So the conversation went on,and I said my son is disabled, he was paralysed in a motorbike accident years ago,, and the Jehovah man said, well do you realise that disabled people will not go to heaven.. and maybe we can speak with him sometime..

So I said, my son would never ever speak with you, and I wont speak to you again either. So never saw them again thankfully.

FannyOutOfTheFarawayTree · 22/09/2018 03:56

I want to be you when I grow up, op.

klondike555 · 22/09/2018 04:29

Good on you OP! Neighbour has reaped what she sowed.

Despite many people acting otherwise, religion is never, ever an excuse for bad behaviour, rudeness, bigotry or general nastiness.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2018 07:49

Be the bigger person-be a mug

Op was truthful, the truth hurts.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/09/2018 07:55

If I’m gonna be picky I’d say the jam goes on top (but I have seen wars break out over this sensitive issue)

But honestly you rock. Well bloody done. Can’t stand shit like that dressed up as okay as it’s their ‘religion’. And you’re a bloody awesome sister. Why isn’t there a prosecco emoji when you need one?!

Juells · 22/09/2018 08:00

do you realise that disabled people will not go to heaven.. and maybe we can speak with him sometime..

...and tell him that. Hmm

billybagpuss · 22/09/2018 09:11

Jam first, then clotted cream!

Oh dear Mrs Puff and you were doing so well Wink

Sicario · 22/09/2018 09:25

Massive round of applause!

mariniere · 22/09/2018 09:34

I agree with gettingBack... I can see why you did what you did OP. But maybe she was trying to take a positive step regarding her beliefs and attitude? And now there is a massive issue between you which will never go away.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2018 09:45

Marini she saw her friends going in and wanted to join them, and would probably have sat with her back toward op in op own home ignoring her. Her nasty attitude towards op brother is awful, and the comment about exposing op kids to him. Sorry, if she wanted to give op an olive branch, she would have behaved like a decent human being, approached op and asked to have coffee with her and apologise.

Beliefs do not provide an excuse to be rude and anti homophobic. She was rude to op because op brother is gay, despite op being polite and helping her out. I think she owes op a big apology. OP spoke the truth, she was not nasty or rude, she was fed up of being treated like crap.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2018 09:46

Marinie there was always a massive issue between op and the neighbour, they were never friends, because her brother is gay.

BrokenWing · 22/09/2018 11:57

YANBU, you tried and each time she threw it back in you face. You are a great sister, school mum and friend.

But please tell me no one was driving to school after the prosecco. Even if it was a small glass and you were under the legal limit for England (unlikely for Scotland which is much lower for good reason to aim for zero drinking before driving) drinking before the school run when you need to be extra alert is just so very wrong.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/09/2018 13:08

Jehovah man said, well do you realise that disabled people will not go to heaven

WHAT???!!!!

scaryteacher · 22/09/2018 13:24

Well done OP both for the way you dealt with your neighbour, and for applying the jam and cream in the correct Cornish order.

CityFarmer · 22/09/2018 16:09

Jehovah man said, well do you realise that disabled people will not go to heaven

Jehovah's witnesses dont believe this. (In fact they don't believe anyone will go to Heaven, except 144,000 specific appointed people.)

OP i think you were correct. She had no interest in you, just her friends, by the sounds of it. No need to tolerate that in your own home.

As Christian's we should be kind, imo. If I expressed myself the way she did, I'd not be suprised by that reception.

Take the faith element out
...and then it's just Cheeky Fuckery

MadameButterface · 22/09/2018 16:46

Gosh op you must be well and truly the talk of the school gates by now. were any of the assorted players in this week's drama the same ones who had a go at you about being friends with the abusive school dad from last week's drama?

Original poster
MrsPuff5 · 22/09/2018 16:49

@MadameButterface
No, I took advice from here to make new friends and invited a couple of mums I knew a little over, they seem quite nice but only really knew them to say hello to and a quick chat. That went well... 😂

OP posts: