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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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Dieu · 22/09/2018 13:17

It's fine to only offer - and pay for - vegan food. It is your wedding after all. Don't even do a meat option though. It is not in keeping with your beliefs, which are perfectly within your rights to integrate into the celebrations. Plus, it cheapens your big day, if you are asking people to pay (I don't mean that in the literal sense!). And do you know what, if people can't enjoy - or at least put up with - tasty, fresh vegan food for one day, then the problem is definitely with them. And I say that as a meat-eater!

GoldenBlue · 22/09/2018 13:17

No one should expect you to compromise your beliefs at your wedding. No one would expect a Muslim or Jewish couple to serve pork and their beliefs are religious, surely moral beliefs are even more important.

Serve a delicious vegan menu, tell people in advance if you're worried they'll be funny about it. But don't serve something against your beliefs. Imagine being left feeling that your wedding had led to animal cruelty. Don't let people put you in that position.

I'm not vegan but I'd happily eat it to celebrate with people I care about on their special day. Good luck X

snowone · 22/09/2018 13:19

Would you expect to be served a vegan meal if you attended a meat eating persons wedding or would you happily accept a dish containing meat? I would personally be happy to eat a vegan meal - my DH on the other hand would struggle as he literally hates fruit and vegetables. Unfortunately OP I think that you should offer a meat option and your guests shouldn't be expected to pay for it!

myrtleWilson · 22/09/2018 13:22

Am chuckling at Salems increasingly ridiculous posts. Am looking forward to the OP sharing photos of her creeping around her wedding with a pile of falafel winking at all the vegans in the know as she deceptively coerces meat eaters to consume non flesh based products. Posters weren't saying to lie just not to announce in advance, posssibly to avoid the militant omnivore rights activists. Grin

Johndoe10 · 22/09/2018 13:27

There are lots of vegan foods that you wouldn’t even be aware off.

Cocopops are my best find Wink

Lots of fierce meat eaters in this thread will already eat vegan food with out realising it.

RockinHippy · 22/09/2018 13:30

Crikey, the ignorance on this thread is mind blowing Confused

It won't kill you not to eat meat for one meal, you probably do it at times anyway. Vegan food can be delicious, DH does chilli nights with his mates, his vegan chilli is preferred to the meat one as it has more flavour. As above, we got stuck with meat dishes at our wedding as the vegetarian & vegan stuff was better

Ffs step out side your comfort zone & stop being so bloody narrow minded, you might actually learn something 🙄

Geraldine170 · 22/09/2018 13:31

Being inclusive to meat eaters is not what veganism is about, so hospitality in that form is quite ridiculous.

Well in that case by return I would ask why meat eaters need to be hospitable to vegans? I don’t share their principles yet I am bound by them when I host. And it’s a damn sight more inconvenient when paying for it. Actually the vegans I know who did this have made a rod for their own backs. They’re usually told now when they visit people they need to sort out their own food and invitations are a lot scarcer.

Geraldine170 · 22/09/2018 13:36

It won't kill you not to eat meat for one meal

It won’t. But that completely misses the point that weddings are supposed to be enjoyable. Good weddings are enjoyable.

I agree with a previous poster that vegan food is sparse and unsatisfying and not suitable for people unused to the diet to eat with alcohol. If you go for vegan food you have to be prepared for guests to leave to eat or to go to bed early and leave early.

You’ll have your principles. But you’ll also be remembered as ‘that awful wedding where they gave us vegan and everybody was at home in bed by 10pm’.

theymademejoin · 22/09/2018 13:38

@SalemBlackCat - I have read of vegan weddings before where the guests had to go out and get McDonalds or something from a takeaway place because the wedding meal was inedible and not enough of it.

And I've been to (not just read about) meat based weddings where the meal was inedible and not enough of it. I don't think I've ever nipped out to McDonald's though.

So what is your point? Some hosts provide crap food at weddings. Some hosts provide insufficient food at weddings. It doesn't matter whether they are vegan, vegetarian, kosher, halal or just food. Hosts differ. Budgets differ. Tastes differ.

Johndoe10 · 22/09/2018 13:39

I think that’s the vegans you know personally op your hosting difficult people. My experience is different.

I’m baffled at the insistence of eating meat in a meal being crucial. There is so much more food to try than flesh

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/09/2018 13:40

I love meat

I often have meals that have no animal products in most people do

Just have a vegan menu can’t see why anyone would complain

Johndoe10 · 22/09/2018 13:41

And I've been to (not just read about) meat based weddings where the meal was inedible and not enough of it. I don't think I've ever nipped out to McDonald's though

And I’ve been to a wedding where the guests ordered a pizza and ate it under the table. I’m sure it was a meat feast...

Geraldine170 · 22/09/2018 13:41

Just offer a bloody vegetarian option with the vegan ffs. You can even source it from free range, organic farms where they sing the cows lullabies and put electric blankets in their stall if you want!

theymademejoin · 22/09/2018 13:42

@Geraldine170 -
Vegan food is not a completely different food group that omnivores have never before eaten. It's part of a normal omnivorous diet.

It's only sparse and unsatisfying if the hosts don't cater properly.

Johndoe10 · 22/09/2018 13:43

I agree with a previous poster that vegan food is sparse and unsatisfying and not suitable for people unused to the diet to eat with alcohol

That’s really so untrue

theymademejoin · 22/09/2018 13:45

@Johndoe10 - And I’ve been to a wedding where the guests ordered a pizza and ate it under the table.

That's a bit rude (and potentially messy). I'd have held off until after the meal and gone a different room/bar.

RockinHippy · 22/09/2018 13:47

You’ll have your principles. But you’ll also be remembered as ‘that awful wedding where they gave us vegan and everybody was at home in bed by 10pm’.

What a load of bollocks, sounds to me like you need to get out more 🙄

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 13:47

Well said Geraldine170 but you may be screaming at the ocean, as the militant vegan activists on here do not seem to grasp the concept that it is give and take. Proving once again, how deceptive and arrogant they are. Hmm If you are hosting a vegetarian/vegan, provide vegetarian/vegan food. If you are hosting a meat eater, provide meat/animal product food. Why is this concept so difficult to understand for some on here? Completely ludicrous. Hmm

Johndoe10 · 22/09/2018 13:47

Geraldine170 vegetarian is still eating animal products.

RockinHippy · 22/09/2018 13:52

Well said Geraldine170 but you may be screaming at the ocean, as the militant vegan activists on here do not seem to grasp the concept that it is give and take. Proving once again, how deceptive and arrogant they are.  If you are hosting a vegetarian/vegan, provide vegetarian/vegan food. If you are hosting a meat eater, provide meat/animal product food. Why is this concept so difficult to understand for some on here? Completely ludicrous. 

Another pig ignorant load of bollocks.

Many of the posters who say go for it are meat eaters, though clearly more worldly wise ones than yourselves. We are also pescatarian & love fish. Not eating fish for a meal wouldn't phase me at all.

Best wedding food I've ever eaten was at a Hindu wedding. It was amazing & ALL vegan. Thinking it's going to leave you hungry & taste crap & you can't go without meat, just shows ignorance

Geraldine170 · 22/09/2018 13:52

Some hosts provide crap food at weddings. Some hosts provide insufficient food at weddings

Yes, but they rarely do it on purpose and, again, people don’t enjoy themselves and it makes for a bit of a crap wedding. When it’s an because of a poor supplier or low budget people are polite and pretend it’s lovely. To deliberately serve something you know probably won’t meet the tastes of most of your guests and they don’t tend to hide their dissatisfaction, particularly as the people who do this are usually ones who their guests will have made a lot of effort to accommodate their taste before.

I’m not even saying there has to be meat, just a bit of cheese and a few eggs or milk ingredients in one option.

PickleNeedsAFriendInReading · 22/09/2018 13:55

I'd serve a vegan menu too, and just not make an issue of it. Give people choice between two dishes if you want.

However there might be times when you want to mention ingredients, if it sounds like a more typical meaty dish, but has other subsitutes that people might not expect in. For example, I find I react to soya milk and similar products, but I never really need to mention it as most of the time if I'm having something like cake, it's not an expected ingredient. (And I"m not allergic or anything severe enough to make me question all the ingredients of everything). But I would potentially have an unpleasant time that evening, if I'd eaten much cake with something like soya milk in, or if it was in a number of different dishes. And other people might have similar difficulties with some of the typical vegan substitutions, whether it's different nut flours or soya products or coconut, or whatever.

PickleNeedsAFriendInReading · 22/09/2018 13:56

(not that I meant that cake, specifically, was meaty! But you know what I mean. Ordinary dishes, that if not vegan, might not contain a particular ingredient, and thus I'd not normally check or think about it).

SalemBlackCat · 22/09/2018 13:58

RockinHippy so a host catering to their guests is 'a load of bollocks'. Hmm In what weird upside down world?

kenandbarbie · 22/09/2018 13:59

I'm a meat eater. I would love to try the food at a vegan wedding. Also the alternatives to dairy. Don't be so precious about eating animal products, one day won't do anyone any harm. You sound like those people who take cornflakes and tea bags on holiday to Spain.