Things you should never say in front of childless women

[Clothrabbit]

Just following on from another thread I started, what things have childless women on here had said to or in front of them, or read celebs spouting in public, that really hurt or upset them.

For me:

You don't know what real responsibility is until you have a child.
Having a child makes you less selfish.

The absolute worst thing that we have had happen to us was to have the loss of a baby thrown at us in a "family row" . it was phrased in terms of how selfish we were not to discuss with said family member and how they found out by "accident". sufficient is it to say that we no longer speak to this family member and things will never be fixed. We have been devastated by the losses we have been through. We have watched friends and family mark wonderful milestones with their children and wished that we could have too.

@user1494667160 that wasn't the comment people said... Saying you are more tired after having kids might be true.

The actual statement people said they found insulting was 'you don't know what tiredness is until you have kids'

The two are totally different. And yes the latter is insulting.

If you make a lifestyle choice (whatever it is) then I think you should be prepared for people comment on i

Um. Thats a firm no from me.

We should all be celebrating each other as women. There is so much nasty in the world as demonstrated by some of the things women have had said to them. I really believe that being a mum has changed me in so many ways and not all for the good. But motherhood aside - my life has been some journey! I'm sure we all have history that has shaped us and we need to show respect for each others strength and courage and qualities brought on by a variety of life events! There are too many nasty, stupid, vindictive or oblivious people around and I hope for my DD a more loving and accepting world. ..... I've gone a bit ranty women supporting women

Newjobtime and User

Words fail me. You're like two bulls in a china shop.

Clothrabbit why the need to be rude?
I understand that certain things can be considered rude to say to people without children ( obviously at one point in my life I did not have children so had things said at me).
So I would not sat these things to people without children.
However I think saying you do not know what tiredness is until you have children is not offensive. If someone is ill etc then obviously it is a different sort of tiredness and a tiredness that I could not understand as I have never experienced it.

You really are the gift that keeps on giving User.

I am rarely directly rude to posters, but you persist in coming onto this thread and repeating and defending a comment that childless people have said in their droves they find upsetting and offensive.

I think you've lost the right to call other people rude.

@Newjobtime
Sorry, but I disagree. Someone saying "you don't know real exhaustion until you've experienced what I have" is not only acting the martyr, but is also trying to belittle my experience.

User then what you say is I did not know what tiredness was until I had children. Not you, which immediately imposes your personal findings on the person you are speaking to.

You say you would never say insensitive, rude things to women with no children, well too shitting late because you already have.

Clothrabbit I was childless once and would not find some of the comments offensive.

Some people just want to be offended and you are clearly one of them.

@user1494667160 you're just not getting it clearly.

All this stuff about there being all these different sort of tiredness' to make your point is silly.

Saying to some who's personal circumstances & struggles you don't know that they don't know what tiredness (in general) is, is rude.

I'll bow out.

So you've never experienced that type of tiredness? Who's to say it's not more tiring than looking after the kids you decided to have?

You? I think not. Therefore you don't know what tiredness is until you've had a deliberating illness. Looking after kids is a walk in the park and you really shouldn't complain.

I hope you find this offensive because then maybe you'll understand.

New job time when I was childless and someone said that comment to me I would not think they were trying to be a martyr. That is obviously an issue that you have to take the comment that way.

I'm just waiting for the first 'you are all just PROFESSIONALLY OFFENDED by the truth!' accusation.

btw, where do pick up our paychecks?

@ScreamingValenta

"I'm childfree by choice. I get annoyed at 'your life isn't complete until you have children'"

That annoys people with children too. 😂

"Don't you think it's selfish not to have children" (colleague who doesn't even know me)

"Blimey, it's alright for some, I can't remember what a lie in feels like" (friend's DH when DP and I came down for breakfast at 9am whilst staying at their house one weekend, having politely waited in our room for them to finish bathing the baby in bathroom first)

"So kids are on the cards then" (colleague after announcing engagement)

"When are you going to have kids" (random friend of a friend)

"So why've you not got kids then?" (table of married strangers at a wedding)

Upteen as I’ve said before I have not been chronically ill so would not get offended if someone said to me you do not what it like/tiredness to be this ill.
I would accept it as they have experienced being ill and not being ill so are obviously in a better position to know what is more tiring.

Also the love/bond. FOR ME it's nothing like I have ever known and as sweet and pure as I could have hoped for. But I know parents who really really don't think about their kids that much.

Are you seriously saying that people who don't have the same opinion as you re parental love don't think about their kids that much? What is this thread, let's try and offend everyone central?

Also childfree by choice,

I get "you'll change your mind"

No one would dream of saying that to someone who'd chosen not to eat meat, or a Muslim, or some other lifestyle decision.

That must be it User. All those years of yearning for a child and feeling like I've been kicked in the stomach when yet another friend announced their pregnancy, and trying not to burst into tears when someone made belittling remarks about how you don't 'feel' or 'realise' or 'understand' this, that or the other until you have children are just me 'wanting to be offended'. Thank you so much for explaining that. It makes everything so much better.

If you don't have children you can not know the crushing tiredness that comes with them. I always find it strange when a childless person argues the point that they understand they same level of tiredness that a parent does

Yeah, I'm lucky I only know the CRUSHING TIREDNESS that comes from having a chronic incurable auto immune disease. Your children will grow up. I will carry on feeling this tired until someone finds a cure (unlikely) or I die (much more likely)

@user1494667160 I was going to ask if you honestly can't see how saying that to someone who may be going through fertility issues (or other) could be hurtful but I won't bother, think I know the answer.

Cloth rabbit I haven’t said anything like that to you. They are your personal issues that you need to deal with. Please don’t put that on me

Upteen you are being rude. We are on a forum having a discussion. There is no need to get personal.