Things you should never say in front of childless women

[Clothrabbit]

Just following on from another thread I started, what things have childless women on here had said to or in front of them, or read celebs spouting in public, that really hurt or upset them.

For me:

You don't know what real responsibility is until you have a child.
Having a child makes you less selfish.

User a whole line of people have challenged your comments, told you they find them insulting and offensive and pointed out why. Yet you keep defending them. When I get annoyed I 'just want to be offended' or just 'have personal issues'.

I genuinely and seriously pity anyone in your life who is childless because they certainly won't get any tact or empathy from you.

Clothrabbit there is no need to be rude.
I have lots of friends that are childless. They really do not get offended about me saying how tired I am.
My friend looked after one of my children for the weekend and she said she was exhausted.
It’s just a fact that children are tiring and before I had children I did not realise just how much.
It is not something you or others need to get offended by.

*Also childfree by choice,

I get "you'll change your mind"*

That is unbelievably patronising and smug isn’t it. Invariably said by parents it means

“Oh my way is the only right way to live and you’ll see that eventually”

'No one would dream of saying that to someone who'd chosen not to eat meat, or a Muslim, or some other lifestyle decision'

Like having a baby maybe!

'I'm pregnant'
'Oh gosh, are you sure? I mean, you might well change your mind, you know'
......... said no one ever unfortunately

User, seriously, just shove off now. Don't be a thoughtless, insensitive twerp, it's not a good look

Lotta it is also not a good look to be be rude and name calling in a forum.

user, I don't know if you are willfully misunderstanding what people are saying or genuinely don't understand but maybe read the thread a bit closer? Noone is saying that you don't get tired when you have kids, or that you shouldn't say you are tired in front of childless people. If you can't understand this then maybe this isn't the thread for you.

Tammy have you read all my comments? You will clearly see that I have said that some comments can be very offensive and I would not say them.
However the tired comment is not offensive.
Maybe when you have read all my comments then you can have an opinion on what you have think I have said.

Some people just want to be offended and you are clearly one of them

But you did say the above as if OP is just simply choosing to be offended for no reason (by something which actually a lot of us have agreed is hurtful to us too).

But you don't (or won't) understand what the tired comment we are talking about is! (and judging by your goady comments I don't think you ever intend to)

I give up, I'm off to bang my head against a wall. I think it would be more constructive.

Tammy no worries. I hope your head doesn’t hurt!

User

You seriously don't get it, do you. Any chance you would just get off the thread, instead of telling everyone else they're rude?

Peanuts if I was childless and said I was not offended my the tired comment would that be ok?
Is it just because I have kids that I am not allowed to think that comment is not offensive?

Is this clearer...

SAYING YOU PERSONALLY ARE MORE TIRED AFTER HAVING KIDS IS DIFFERENT TO SAYING TO SOMEONE, WHOS PERSONAL STRUGGLES YOU DON'T KNOW, THAT THEY DONT KNOW WHAT TIREDNESS IS UNTIL THEY HAVE KIDS.

Clothrabbit any chance you can get off the thread instead of actually being rude?

PEANUTS I GET IT BUT STILL DONT FIND IT OFFENSIVE!!

I am a mother and I do find the comments a lot of mothers make incredibly smug and self-righteous - and insensitive to those you don’t have children.

However I disagree with a PP - some of the advice I’ve had from a young, childless midwife was very inaccurate and unhelpful and pissed me off because she was spouting off from a textbook and didn’t know wtf she was talking about when she came to visit and criticised my breastfeeding latch!

Well as it's my thread User, no. And you are the only person who has accused me of being rude, whereas many people have accused you of being insensitive.

You are coming across as one of those people who will never, ever admit you're in the wrong and will keep on digging and trying to turn the tables on other people rather than graciously apologising.

You are acting as if we're saying you aren't allowed to say that you are more tired after having kids.

No one has said that.

Saying that someone else doesn't know what tiredness is until they've experienced x,y or z is a shitty thing to say. It's irrelevant whether you are childless or not.

The only thing I’d say that those without children cannot understand is the overwhelming all consuming love/worry package (for want of a better phrase). And the paradox between that being the best and the worst part of parenting. Before I had children I understood the concept but feeling it first hand is overwhelming. I don’t mean the concept of love or worry I mean when they’re bundled together. I do think the love a parent feels for their child is like no other love but that doesn’t mean those who choose not to have children are missing out on love. I was blissfully and happily in love with DH before we had kids; I still am. But that’s a love that only makes me happy if that makes sense. I know if it stopped making me happy I could leave. Parental love is far more draining. Which is why if you don’t want children you absolutely shouldn’t have them and it’s bollocks for people to suggest your life would be any less fulfilling. Your life is just less overly emotional I would say. It’s a perfectly valid life choice and why anyone would feel the need to justify their own choice by berating someone else’s is beyond me.

But that is pretty much the only thing that I feel is without compare. But there’s no smugness about that. Although I may have chosen differently if I knew beforehand that I’d feel that way. It’s stressful and unpleasant but then plenty of other people live with stressful and unpleasant things so why does it need to be a competition?

Clothrabbit, Just don't engage with them, you are wasting your time. If you have a different point of view, you are professionally offended, if you challenge them you are rude.

This is a thread for things not to say to childless people, not a thread for thing that people with children don't find offensive, HTH.

Andrea Leadsom:

"Yes. I am sure Theresa will be really sad she doesn't have children so I don't want this to be 'Andrea has children, Theresa hasn't' because I think that would be really horrible but genuinely I feel that being a mum means you have a very real stake in the future of our country, a tangible stake. She possibly has nieces, nephews, lots of people, but I have children who are going to have children who will directly be a part of what happens next."

"I think that would be horrible so now I'm going to be even more horrible."

Childfree and very happy by choice and no one has ever said anything at all to me which I could construe as offensive or rude/hurtful.

If they did I would shrug it off and shrug them off too for who needs to spend any time with idiots?

Are you still here User.