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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second week at school - teacher made daughter cry...

274 replies

MissRoadie · 20/09/2018 08:42

I'm really upset and not sure if I am overreacting. My daughter, 4, just started reception - only in the second week. She came home yesterday saying the teacher made her cry because she told her off because her letters and numbers 'were wrong'. Poor little mite gets her 'a's the wrong way round but we have always told her she is amazing at writing and never corrected her.

Anyway, DD totally refused to go to School this morning. Started a huge fight with me on my way out the door and is currently begging DH not to take her in. Up until yesterday she loved going to her new school.
AIBU to ask the teacher WTF?

OP posts:
IGiorni · 20/09/2018 08:46

Yes YABU. You don’t know the context or how it said, or whether she actually was ‘told off’. It’s awful when your child is so distressed but I think you’re overreacting a bit. It obviously needs correcting as she’s doing it wrong, that’s the teacher’s job.

Charm23 · 20/09/2018 08:46

If you've never corrected her writing/spelling then I'd guess she's just upset because she's not used to criticism. Unfortunately she needs to get used to it as it's just a fact of life - she won't always be perfect/right. I'd work with her so she can slowly get used to constructive criticism.

Karigan198 · 20/09/2018 08:46

Honestly I would do nothing more than mention she was a bit upset.

You can’t go through life never correcting your child and telling them they are amazing at something when they aren’t. All that happens is a massive shock when they find out they aren’t.

You need to build up confidence whilst using positive criticism. ‘That’s really good but we can make it better by ...... because this isn’t right’

peachypetite · 20/09/2018 08:47

You aren't doing her any favours.

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 08:48

Why have you never corrected her?! You don’t have to do it in a horrible way. I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous that you are upset the teacher told her she’s got them wrong - that’s her job.

MyAuntyBadger · 20/09/2018 08:48

Why didn't you correct her? You're setting her up to fall.

Lazypuppy · 20/09/2018 08:48

Why would you not correct her??

Holidayfromreal · 20/09/2018 08:49

I doubt very much she "shouted" and as a teacher surely it's her job to correct children when they do something wrong? Speak to the teacher by all means if it makes you feel better but I would imagine it's just a case of a 4yr olds perspective of what happened isn't always accurate.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 20/09/2018 08:49

Please do NOT go in and have a discussion with the teacher. You have no idea what was said to your child, it could be that the teacher was reminding her where to start the letter to ensure it was formed correctly. It could even be that she noticed another child doing it correctly and got cross with herself. Making it into a huge deal is not the answer. She is 4 and Reception is hard, there's lots to learn and remember and most children will cry at some point. Just brush it off, she will forget all about it in no time at all.

MarthasGinYard · 20/09/2018 08:49

A casual

'Morning teacher, dc not happy to come in this morning, seems upset about being told off re letter formation, what's happened'

It's probably just adapting to being in a new class environment, new teacher perhaps different to Kinder one?

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 08:49

And also. Refusing to go in? You are the parent. How can she refuse - you tell her she’s going and that’s that surely?

PiperPublickOccurrences · 20/09/2018 08:49

My daughter used to cry all the time when she started school. It got to the stage the teacher phoned me to talk about it - every time DD did something wrong like writing a 3 back to front and the teacher corrected her, DD burst into tears. DD was desperate to please and took it as criticism which it obviously wasn't. Teacher felt dreadful about it, but couldn't let mistakes like that go uncorrected.

She is a lot older now and still desperate to please, but doesn't cry in class any more!

bridgetreilly · 20/09/2018 08:51

Yes, YABU. It is the teacher's job to tell students when they are doing things like writing letters wrongly, so they learn to do them right. Frankly, it's part of a parent's job too. Your daughter needs to learn now that being corrected is not a big deal and you are the ones who need to teach her that.

LyndorCake · 20/09/2018 08:51

Reverse.

bruffin · 20/09/2018 08:51

This isnt a teacher problem , its a parenting problem!

ShatnersWig · 20/09/2018 08:52

Lots of unreasonableness here.

  1. You automatically assuming what your DD says is 100% accurate
  2. You having let your DD get to 4 without ever once correcting her
  3. You over-reacting with a "Should I ask the teacher WTF?"

This may well not be the first time your DD cries at school. You can't pop up every time she has a tizzy. Obviously you wouldn't go in all guns blazing - would you? - but merely try to find out why your DD came home crying, not accuse the teacher of some misdemeanour?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/09/2018 08:52

I'm.all for discipline but to shout at her when she can't grasp the teaching is way way way out of line. I'm not surprised she's scared to go in. Imagine you're starting a new job and you're struggling with certain aspects and getting called in for disciplinary meetings.
I'm not a teacher but I wouldn't expect a 4 year child who had only been in school for 2 weeks to be able to form their letters properly if at all. She seems like a horrible teacher if I had to put my hand on the Holy Book and tell the absolute truth.
Unless it's a class full of Einsteins love children, It can't be only your dad who this is happening to.
I think you need to go in assertively and have a long conversation.

MarthasGinYard · 20/09/2018 08:53

'DD totally refused to go to School this morning. Started a huge fight with me on my way out the door '

Ah I misread that

I wouldn't be asking teacher actually

I'd step it up a bit, sounds like she has you dancing to her tune already.

Returnofthesmileybar · 20/09/2018 08:53

Huh? Why have you not corrected her?

Reverse?

ShadyLady53 · 20/09/2018 08:53

It’s to be expected that a reception class child will have tears at some point! I agree you should explain to the teacher that she’s been upset about her work being wrong and ask if there is anything you need to know or that you could do to help her at home. You really haven’t done her any favours for telling her she’s amazing when she’s been writing her letters wrong. She’s probably felt embarrassed and confused when she’s been corrected, poor thing!

ShatnersWig · 20/09/2018 08:54

@Awwlookatmybabyspider Did you even READ the OP? Where the fuck does it say the teacher shouted at this child? "Go in assertively and have a long conversation" for fuck's sake. It's parents like you who are making teachers quit the profession.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 20/09/2018 08:55

to shout at her when she can't grasp the teaching is way way way out of line.
Except it is not out of line because it never happened. It is a 4 year olds opinion on the situation, I doubt the teacher even raised her voice. But sure lets hang draw and quarter the teacher on the word of a 4 year old.Hmm

Shoxfordian · 20/09/2018 08:55

You're not doing her any favours by not correcting her when she's getting things wrong. Yabu

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 08:55

Where does it say the teacher shouted at her? And 4 years olds can exaggerate sometimes!!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/09/2018 08:56

Understand supportive mumsnet yet again at it level bestHmm.
All their kids must have flew through school op and came out reciting the Alphabet backwards and forwards.
Sadly though we're not all perfect.