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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Second week at school - teacher made daughter cry...

274 replies

MissRoadie · 20/09/2018 08:42

I'm really upset and not sure if I am overreacting. My daughter, 4, just started reception - only in the second week. She came home yesterday saying the teacher made her cry because she told her off because her letters and numbers 'were wrong'. Poor little mite gets her 'a's the wrong way round but we have always told her she is amazing at writing and never corrected her.

Anyway, DD totally refused to go to School this morning. Started a huge fight with me on my way out the door and is currently begging DH not to take her in. Up until yesterday she loved going to her new school.
AIBU to ask the teacher WTF?

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 20/09/2018 09:14

OP A LOT of kids go through this exact same phase as your DD when they first start school. It's a big change that they can take some time to settle in to, especially as things start being a bit more "learning based" than "fun based" if you see what I mean.

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 09:15

Critisiced is not the same as corrected which can be done in a nice way. I would tell the teacher she was upset but as for asking the teacher WTF which is what you said, no I absolutely wouldn’t do that.

waterrat · 20/09/2018 09:15

And it is absolutely not right for a 4 year old new to school to be made to feel she has done something 'wrong' and no good teacher would do that. My son could barely form letters when he started year 1 - he literally didn't have the wrist control - nobody at his school every made him feel bad about that and now aged 7 he is perfectly able to write letters the correct way.

The teacher NEEDs to know they have upset one of the children so they can make the child feel comfortable in her new classroom.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 20/09/2018 09:16

OP I do agree you're doing the right thing by not over correcting with writing. My eldest was a great reader before even starting reception but he found writing very tricky at first and was very hesitant to do it at all - he also wasn't keen on working with a pen in general. If I'd micromanaged and corrected every error it would have held him back massively. At that age the important thing is getting them using a pencil - accuracy comes later.

Believeitornot · 20/09/2018 09:16

Actually for those all saying you should correct a four year old - I didn’t. And now both of my dcs are pretty much top performers in years 2&4 - we were told to encourage writing and have the right resources so they can see how to do it.

I wouldn’t be impressed if my dcs came out of school upset like that in reception and I would have a quiet chat with the teacher just to work out what happened and pass on the fact my child was upset.

claraschu · 20/09/2018 09:17

The main job of the teacher of a 4-year-old is NOT to make sure that all her letters are formed correctly. What nonsense!

RangeRider · 20/09/2018 09:18

Only on mumsnet ....would a parent of a distraught 4 year old be told 'DON"T go and speak to the teacher'
There's a big difference thought between talking to the teacher about DD being upset and going in 'to ask the teacher WTF'. The first is fine, the second is not.

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 09:18

Jesus Christ I feel sorry for teachers. Imagine if they don’t correct your child’s work?! Bet you would have something to say then too.

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 09:18

Exactly, big difference between mentioning her being upset and going in all guns blazing.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 20/09/2018 09:19

I very much doubt the teacher has "told her off" . DS still does letter reversals at 8 (suspected dyslexia). They are corrected/pointed out. As they should be. Many of the kids in her class won't be able to write anything.

I suspect your DD is both tired (it's stressful going to school when you are 4) and also eager to please.

AlevelConfusion · 20/09/2018 09:20

I doubt the teacher has told off a reception child in her second week of starting school. Let it go and teach your child she's not right all the time

Original poster

MissRoadie · 20/09/2018 09:20

Also, maybe 'WTF' was a bit strong. I'm not that kind of person. I would just explain quietly to the teacher what was going on at home...

If I was a teacher I would want to know - no?

OP posts:

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 20/09/2018 09:21

Only on mumsnet ....would a parent of a distraught 4 year old be told 'DON"T go and speak to the teacher'

Yes but the Op didn't want to speak to the teacher she wanted to go in and as what the fuck she had done to make her child so distraught. Totally not the same thing.

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 09:21

Yes I would want to know if I was the teacher, if in a reasonable way!

RabbityMcRabbit · 20/09/2018 09:22

Claraschu what exactly is a teacher's job then...?

echt · 20/09/2018 09:23

I'm not surprised your DD was upset if your OP and the subsequent post is indicative of how you treat her writing. You've moved on seamlessly from never correcting and telling her she's amazing to helping and copying.

If it helps, don't tell your DD she is amazing, say what is good about the writing. Praise the product, not the person.

Also, in your post you said the teacher made your DD cry. She didn't Your daughter cried because of whatever happened.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 20/09/2018 09:23

I would just explain quietly to the teacher what was going on at home...

So in 3 pages you have gone from never correcting her to correcting her sometimes and not going in saying WTF instead you would have a quiet word with her. Its so frustrating when people change their story when they get the answers they don't like to hear. We are not mind readers we can only go with what you have written.

starfish8 · 20/09/2018 09:23

If you haven't corrected your child with writing, I understand

In the early days of writing it's best practice to let your children start mark marking how they want. My son is a reluctant writer and also left handed, so has written letter backwards, even mirrored. I'm personally trying to build confidence with my child and let him have a go at this stage. I wouldn't be getting anywhere if I'd corrected his every mistake, but I am starting to comment on and off about where he is writing needs improvement/practice.

I do understand at school that a teacher will be starting to encourage correct letter formation and that's their job. I'd have a casual chat with the teacher about it, and explain where your daughter is up to with writing at home. It may help you to understand how writing is taught in reception and their expectations, so you can support her at home with suitable practice.

I'd also talk to your daughter about how her teacher is going to be helping all the children improve their writing skills and she's not being told off. I'm sure her teacher hasn't shouted at her and is likely overreacting.

Good luck, I know it's difficult times in the settling in period.

ppeatfruit · 20/09/2018 09:24

The child is FOUR ffs. A lot of 4 year olds can't write at all, their brains have not developed enough to do it. Waterrat is right .

I was a EY teacher and I wouldn't be correcting a 4 year old's writing,. Everyone learns in different ways and at different times.

piscis · 20/09/2018 09:24

If you've never corrected her writing/spelling then I'd guess she's just upset because she's not used to criticism. Unfortunately she needs to get used to it as it's just a fact of life - she won't always be perfect/right. I'd work with her so she can slowly get used to constructive criticism

This.

I do not understand that if she was doing it wrong you were telling her she was amazing. You can still correct a child in a nice and positive way.

echt · 20/09/2018 09:24

Jesus. Full stop.

And to think I'm about to mark English essays.

ppeatfruit · 20/09/2018 09:25

They get there in the end. There is far too much pressure on children nowadays it can put them off school for life.

Alltheprettyseahorses · 20/09/2018 09:25

Definitely check. I brushed off similar stories my DD told me about other children in her class until the day I actually saw the teacher bend down and screech into her face. It's not always exaggeration - far from it.

PaintingOwls · 20/09/2018 09:25

Poor little mite gets her 'a's the wrong way round but we have always told her she is amazing at writing and never corrected her.

Are you taking the piss?

Wendigowoman · 20/09/2018 09:27

She isn’t amazing at writing. She’s getting it wrong and you have encouraged this. The teacher is doing her job unlike you.

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