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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second week at school - teacher made daughter cry...

274 replies

MissRoadie · 20/09/2018 08:42

I'm really upset and not sure if I am overreacting. My daughter, 4, just started reception - only in the second week. She came home yesterday saying the teacher made her cry because she told her off because her letters and numbers 'were wrong'. Poor little mite gets her 'a's the wrong way round but we have always told her she is amazing at writing and never corrected her.

Anyway, DD totally refused to go to School this morning. Started a huge fight with me on my way out the door and is currently begging DH not to take her in. Up until yesterday she loved going to her new school.
AIBU to ask the teacher WTF?

OP posts:
MissLingoss · 20/09/2018 08:56

I'm.all for discipline but to shout at her when she can't grasp the teaching is way way way out of line.

Where does op say the teacher shouted?

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 08:57

WHERE DOES IT SAY THE TEACHER SHOUTED?

ShatnersWig · 20/09/2018 08:58

@Awwlookatmybabyspider Repeat - where does it say that the teacher shouted at the child? It doesn't. You made that up. Ironic, you now saying "sadly though we're not all perfect"

woollytights · 20/09/2018 08:58

Aww, starting school is a big change for you both. People are being too harsh. That said, she is there to learn after all and will get used to learning when she has got something wrong and start to build some resilience. It's not anything to worry or complain to the teacher about. All you can do is reassure her that as long as she tries her best and listens to what the teacher says, she'll be absolutely fine.

crimsonlake · 20/09/2018 08:58

How will your daughter ever get her letters / writing correct if she is not corrected? You are in the wrong for never correcting your child , you simply say ' great try ' and show her the correct way. No wonder she is getting upset if she has never been corrected before. Her version of events will differ wildly from what actually happened with the teacher. You must explain to your child that the teacher is there to teach and help her and she is their to learn and she needs to listen to grown ups.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/09/2018 08:59

Told her off and shouted the are the same where I'm from .

PiperPublickOccurrences · 20/09/2018 09:00

Sadly though we're not all perfect.

No but most of us have enough education to read an OP and understand what is there in black and white, not leap to conclusions which aren't there.

"told off" does not equal "shouted at".

ShatnersWig · 20/09/2018 09:01

@Awwlookatmybabyspider Stupid is as stupid does.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 20/09/2018 09:01

Understand supportive mumsnet yet again at it level best

It's not about being supportive, telling the Op to go into school and have a chat will not achieve anything or resolve the issue. Being supportive in this instance is explaining that actually she is overreacting. Also it is not unsupportive to suggest that by not correcting her child naturally her child will get cross that she's been doing something wrong for a while and nobody has explained it to her. You'd be pretty pissed if you had done something for a while and thought you knew how to do it then someone came along and explained it wasn't being done correctly.

MorningsEleven · 20/09/2018 09:02

I think just letting the teacher know DD was upset is OK. It's so hard in the first few weeks and there's so much stuff to take in - it can take some of them til October to remember where the loos are.

LuckyAmy1986 · 20/09/2018 09:03

She probably didn’t even tell her off- just corrected her ffs!!!

womanintrousers · 20/09/2018 09:04

The teacher has to show her how to do it correctly, that's her job.

It doesn't do children any favours to never hear criticism - how else can they improve and achieve their potential?

JayDot500 · 20/09/2018 09:06

Showed this to my husband who said 'That's how an entitled nation is formed'

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/09/2018 09:07

It's no use criticising someone if they don't understand how to do something

JayDot500 · 20/09/2018 09:07

You sent her to school and are complaining that the teacher tried to teach her ffs

PinkAvocado · 20/09/2018 09:08

I’m a teacher and have taught Reception. I’d rather you did mention it to me as it was obviously a big deal for your dd to tell you about it (even if it was a simple correction that she didn’t respond well to).

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/09/2018 09:09

Like anyone gives a fly fuck what some randoms husband of mumsnet thinks.HmmGrin

Original poster
MissRoadie · 20/09/2018 09:10

The teacher didn't shout at her. I'm sure she wouldn't. never said that.

Maybe I was a bit misleading saying 'we never correct'. We do - only we encouraged her and shown her the correct way of writing letters / numbers by writing them ourselves and getting her to copy. And lots of reading together. But I certainly do not pull her up on every mistake. She is 4 and trying her best!

I tried this morning with her to write a birthday card - simple stuff that she can do / has done before (even if some letters are a little wonky). And she got really upset and said she 'was stupid' and 'would never be able to read or write'.
She is a confident, happy kid who seems to have had that knocked out of her in week 2!

What I am upset about is her going from being confident and happy and actually WANTING to go to school. To crying and causing problems in the morning so she doesn't have to go. (Obvs she will go... but just making it difficult).

I don't understand this attitude that being sympathetic to your child is somehow a weakness in parenting. Cheers for that.

OP posts:
PiperPublickOccurrences · 20/09/2018 09:11

It's no use criticising someone if they don't understand how to do something

Like understanding that "telling off" isn't the same as "shouting at"? Hmm

claraschu · 20/09/2018 09:12

There is no reason for a 4-year-old to be criticised about letter formation. This is a child who is in her first couple of weeks of Reception! Surely, at this age, the most important thing is to keep kids interested in writing, encourage their confidence, and show them how much fun it is. I would think the best thing to do is to model correct letter formation, and maybe say something like "Oh- try doing it this way" or "Everyone check if your letter looks like this" if their letters are backwards or otherwise unconventional.

Having said that, I don't think that any parent is going to get a teacher to change their methods. The only thing you can do, OP, is talk to the teacher about how your daughter is feeling.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 20/09/2018 09:13

I think you just need to have a brief chat with the teacher. I agree with PP that's it's unlikely the teacher actually shouted at her over the letters. However if the teacher knows your DD has been upset she'll be able to reassure her so it would be worth having a chat.

JayDot500 · 20/09/2018 09:13

Aww if a man talks sense, said sense is shared and credit given.

waterrat · 20/09/2018 09:14

Only on mumsnet ....would a parent of a distraught 4 year old be told 'DON"T go and speak to the teacher'

erm - if our education system chooses to educate children younger than in any other European country - then the teachers need to be in 'loco parentis' in an age appropriate way.

OP probably the teacher was perfectly pleasant but your daughter is new, overwhelmed and not used to be told to do specific tasks as they start to do in reception.

OF COURSE you should speak to the teacher - you can clear up what happened and help your daughter get used to new expectations.

On mumsnet you will be told to back off and not in any way try to support or learn about what is happening to your four year old during the day -

remember that in most countries 4 year olds are 2 or 3 years away from entering this sort of formal learning situation!!

claraschu · 20/09/2018 09:14

OP I completely agree with you.

marriageoftrueminds · 20/09/2018 09:14

I’ve been a reception teacher too. Obviously I don’t know what happened in this particular case. But I, and several of my fellow FS teachers, have had experiences of parents asking me why their child was ‘told off’ or ‘shouted at’ when that isn’t what occurred at all - normally it was a gentle chat or correction but the children have been upset by it. They are only little and everything is new to them.

It’s always good as a teacher to be told when these misunderstandings have occurred because then we can be more sensitive to the child’s needs and feelings - we want our little ones to be happy at achool! So please do speak to the teacher. But please don’t assume that bechase your child is upset, the teacher must have been unkind. In my experience (and I have seen a lot of reception teachers at work!) almost alll of them have a gentle and encouraging style with such little children and really want them to have a positive experience.