Second week at school - teacher made daughter cry...

[MissRoadie]

I'm really upset and not sure if I am overreacting. My daughter, 4, just started reception - only in the second week. She came home yesterday saying the teacher made her cry because she told her off because her letters and numbers 'were wrong'. Poor little mite gets her 'a's the wrong way round but we have always told her she is amazing at writing and never corrected her.

Anyway, DD totally refused to go to School this morning. Started a huge fight with me on my way out the door and is currently begging DH not to take her in. Up until yesterday she loved going to her new school.
AIBU to ask the teacher WTF?

No the teacher shouldn't shout. (but you've confirmed she didn't) (babyspider always adds her own rather peculiar slant to OPs, you get used to it, read and move on, read and move on)

So glad someone has pointed this out. She really does and its very strange.

Maybe it's not just what happened, she might be feeling a bit overwhelmed with the realisation that she has to go to school every day too. My DD started getting upset in her 3rd or 4th week at school. She couldn't explain to me why she was upset and didn't want to go I think she just felt out of her comfort zone. It may be that what happened with the teacher, triggered more emotion. I wouldn't worry too much at the moment or mention it to the teacher. Just keep reassuring her and keep reading for fun. By half term it will feel like a million years ago.

Nursery to reception is a huge jump. She could be overwhelmed and a little thing has tipped her. For example, a child in my class has been taught to write her name in capitals by her parents. Another child asked her why she always shouts when writing her name and got the child's name card. "Write it like this. Miss Purple doesn't shout when she writes your name" the child burst into tears and told mum she had been told off for writing her name wrong. The child is struggling with being away from Mum for a whole day and it tipped her.

Poor little love, sounds like classic Friday morning behaviour in the first weeks of reception. My snotty teary 4 year old snivelling to me "Whyyyyyyy isn't the weekend 5 days so I only have to go to school for two?!" is a lasting memory.

Weekend of Paw Patrol and pjs sounds in order to me.

Also doubt teacher shouted - DD who is now 7 went through a phase of thinking any dissenting adult voice ever was "telling me off" or "being strict." The letter formation isn't really the issue here.

My grandson came home from school one day last week and told me his teacher shouts at him all the time, he’s also in reception. After talking to him for a while we managed to work out that she wasn’t actually shouting but having to use her “big voice “ so she couLd be heard over all the background noise. He went into school happily the next day, when he was collected that afternoon, my daughter in law was called over by his teacher who told her that apparently my grandson had gone up to her and said, “grandma told me that Just because you shout at me doesn’t mean you’re cross all the time, it’s because you are telling us we have to Be quieter” teacher told my daughter in law that’s exactly what was happening!. Our grandson is an only child so is pretty used to having a quietish home life and starting school has opened his little eyes rather quickly

Why haven't you ever corrected her??

Op I have not read the thread but without a doubt say something, you can nice about it though but definitely say something

IF YOUR CHILD IS FOUR YEARS OLD IT IS A WASTE OF TIME TO CORRECT HER WRITING BECAUSE IF YOU LOOK YOU WILL NOTICE THAT SHE IS MUCH SMALLER THAN YOU ARE !!!!!! THAT' MEANS HER BRAIN HASN'T GROWN ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND OR REMEMBER THE CORRECTION.

SHE WILL GET IT EVENTUALLY.

Why haven't you ever corrected her??

EVER? She’s 4! How long do you think she’s been forming letters? It’s hardly decades is it?

HER BRAIN HASN'T GROWN ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND OR REMEMBER THE CORRECTION.

How is it grown enough to understand and remember how to write inthe first place then?

If she cried and now she is begging not to go, something happened that is not explained away as simple exaggeration. I would listen to your daughter and I would speak to her teacher. I find it hard to believe that a child that was just being corrected would be this traumatised. Something happened.

YABU. You can’t tell a child they are writing correctly when they clearly aren’t. If you’ve not been giving her constructive criticism and telling her when she’s wrong then of course she’s going to upset when someone comes along and tells her what she’s been taught is right is wrong! Stop pandering to her

I would agree with most of the posters about criticism unless.........the teacher is a bitch that's jaded and hates her job or your daughter. Ask the teacher what happened to make your child cry. Get both sides.

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0145213411001803

four year olds are not ready for writing
what is this teacher thinking ????????

Soup She can make the marks and SOME children are mature enough to write too (it's not the norm ) ,and it's much better not to push this, let it happen naturally IF the child enjoys ir..Correcting is not necessary.

Perfection will come later. How many times do I have to explain this to you 'correcters"? Talk about dense.

No need to be so rude.

It was an honest question.

It is ridiculous to expect a 4 year old to be writing perfectly (or at all IMHO) - I understand it is the teachers job to correct mistakes but jeez louise all the people on here talking as if your child is some pampered princess rather than a little girl who just has not alreay been drilled into perfection at home! You have done nothing wrong.

Plenty of very clever people throughout history have made use of backwards writing, btw.

At this stage it’s not even wrong - it’s a creative and playful way of approaching writing, and indeed should be encouraged.

She has made an intentful mark. She may not even live and work in a country with the Latin alphabet as an adult. The most important lesson is that if you make certain marks you can use those to communicate. Given that the vast, vast majority of people would still be able to read the word ‘cat’ if the ‘a’ was written backwards, then there is no need for precise correction of letter formation at this stage, as the overriding lesson - of communication through writing - is still apparent.

Also - our brains do not look at the detail of every letter or spelling when reading. Part of this playing with writing is helping the brain to understand the ‘priority’ aspects of written communication, which in turn contributes to faster reading speed. Too much interference in the process of the brain’s learning will over complicate matters.

Adults really need to learn to trust that kids want to learn, and that human brains are pretty well equipped to learn how to communicate in various forms. The key is to facilitate spontaneous learning, not constant correction.

Batterries Thank you for your intelligent contribution which will not be understood by most of the posters on here.

our brains do not look at the detail of every letter or spelling when reading.
Nonsense scans of eye movement show we are actually looking at every letter simultaneously when we read.

Nobody was in the classroom with the OPs DD, we have no idea how she was told that she had written her "a" is the wrong way round!

Probably the first time the poor child hasn’t automatically been called amazing for so much as breathing.

Apologies bruffin I meant we do not NEED every detail. Plenty of research has shown you can be shown a ‘word’ that is shockingly ‘wrong’ and still understand what it means. Mixed up letters, some back to front etc.

You don’t need the full word to be written perfectly to understand it, was what I meant.

Obviously the brain is amazing and takes in all sorts of detail simultaneously, including the colour and texture of the paper, colour of the text, and all sorts of unrelated stuff (noise in the room etc) as well.

Matilda Where is your compassion for a 4 yr old who has just started school and is confused and upset? We don't know if the teacher was correcting unkindly, (it's quite possible) plenty do. I know because I have been there and seen it.

I was an EY teacher and a CM\nanny also a mum of 3. I go by the child never correcting especially when the child is intellectually unable to do something. like most 4 year olds when it comes to forming all their letters perfectly