to ask you what it was like when you first held your baby?

[Tamiah]

Sorry, this is my second post tonight! I just joined MN (though have had the app for a long time!) and have had two questions floating around my head that I wanted to ask, so here goes number two...

I was having a discussion today with a colleague, who was trying to describe to me what it was like when she first held her baby. I have struggled to bond with my son/daughter as we have had a few bumps along the way and I've felt a bit detached at certain points in my pregnancy. Hearing her today telling me about the wave of emotions she felt, including the live she never knew she had in her, for a tiny baby that she created really helped me to feel more positive about giving birth.

WIBU to ask you to describe (or try to!) what you felt when you saw your baby for the first time?

I can imagine it's such a hard thing to describe - sorry if I've asked for the impossible!

I felt like I knew him as soon as I saw his face. It was the strangest feeling, like we’d met before and were being reunited. It was amazing.

Relief.

Not much else.

Relief that the pain was over and that we were both healthy.

Before I had my first baby my sister told me that if I didn't feel that fairytale falling in love with my baby straight away then that was OK, some of us so things gradually, and over time.

I am so glad she told me as I would have felt a failure otherwise.

When I took my babies home I cared and cuddled, but it took months for the bond to grow.
It was a slow steady thing, and ultimately just as powerful as the love that any mother has for a child.

I am a slow burner when it comes to falling in love with men too- I am not a love at first sight, or even a few dates, it takes me many months to fall in love with a man- just the type of person I am.

I felt nothing. I kept handing him back to my husband as I couldn't stop shaking and I was utterly disinterested. I think I was in shock after a traumatic birth so needed a few minutes to process everything. The midwife made me do skin-on-skin and then my husband had to go home (middle of the night) so I was left alone with my boy and then I started to feel something.

All I said was ‘Oh my God, Oh my God!’ Over and over again as the MW passed my baby under my shirt to lie on me.
However when she lay there looking up at me calmly, and making cute little noises, I fell in love so completely.

It’s a good thing really, as her horrendous reflux for the next 10 months, had me wondering what I did wrong to deserve the misery at times.

I was prepared to not feel anything as one of my best friends had admitted to me that she didn't actually love her baby right away, it was more a "shit I'm responsible for looking after you" rather than a beautiful moment.

When it came to it I'd had a very long labour with the baby stuck etc, they'd basically explained I needed forceps, but I really didn't want them so pushed as hard as I could. The baby shot out before anyone was ready in one push. I only realised she'd been born when I felt something very warm and wet on my tummy, the room was asking me what had we got, I thought boy but myhusband pointed out that was the cord ! It's cheesy but it did feel like time had stood still, I sat and stared at her and thought to myself I've only just met you but I'd happily die for you to save you (I had a strange daydream imagining a big red double decker bus coming and pushing my baby out the way to save her, drugs and exhaustion I guess!). About 5 minutes after she was born I cried and announced to the room it'd only just hit me she was here!

Second time around it was a bit more relaxed, only 2 midwives rather than a full audience. He was born much slower. He came out and my husband said we had a boy. I thought wow it's a boy (I'd decided we were having a girl so had been imagining a girl all along) and again I had the rush of love when I sat and stared into his eyes.

I think I'm very lucky to have two lovely moments and to feel complete love right away. I fell in love with my husband again both times too, it really was a beautiful moment for us both. (Oh and I'm really not mushy in real life, I'd never describe it like this to anyone in real life!!).

DS1 my first thought was how huge he was and how "new" if that makes sense.
DS2 I felt a rush of love and he seemed so tiny
DS3 I felt euphoric
DS4 I felt a rush of love. DH held him first (c-section) and I asked him to move closer so I could see ds. ds looked over at me when he heard my voice. I thought that was amazing.
DS5 I didn't hold him for about 15 hours after he was born. I was shown him briefly and I remember thinking he looked like one of those reborn dolls.

I was thinking about this recently. I was shaking like a leaf with my first after the emergency csection. I didn't want to hold him in case I did it wrong. I didn't get the overwhelming love feelings until much later. I didn't feel numb or worried that things weren't right at the time, but thinking back it was several months later before i felt love love.
With my second, who was actually quite a spotty scrawny little thing, I was in total rapture immediately, i kept saying to the midwives and visitors "look how gorgeous he is" :-)

Very hazy as I was so full of drugs. Its a girl, shes alive! followed by couple of hours sleep and "are you going to breastfeed her?"

I had an ELCS and as soon as I heard his cry and my husband say it was a boy I cried, I had that rush of love for him instantly. Ironically it was the weeks after that I struggled and ended up being diagnosed with PND.

I felt resigned and sad. Difficult pregnancy and long labour - he came out blue and not breathing and I was convinced he had died. I was also in shock and just let him slide off my stomach where he had been put by the midwife ( luckily someone caught him). I still have issues with this.

Second time around I felt elated and had that rush of love you hear about. Totally different circumstances though and my expectations were different (having been through labour before) which made a huge difference.

Always annoys me when people tell pregnant women that when their baby is born they'll fall madly in love. If this thread is anything to go by then it's really rare. Causes a lot of unnecessary stress on mums as they feel there's something "wrong" with them during what is already a vulnerable time.

Sorry OP I veered away from your question - it just gets by back up as I was one of those women who felt lacking after DC1 was born... beat myself up for months for not loving her the way I "should". I felt no attachment during pregnancy (to either of my DC) and I felt nothing when she was born. I felt protective of her in the early months but definitely no mushy love type feelings. It was a very VERY gradual process for me. She's two now - when she's being adorable it literally brings tears to my eyes I love her that much! So don't worry if it takes some time for you too. First time motherhood is overwhelming, if the love is there in the early days it's often buried under anxiety, stress, sleep deprivation and shock at the massive changes you've just undertaken. Best of luck

Mainly relieved that the Labour was over!
But also incredibly emotional and high on oxytocin.

The love I feel for him now is more based on falling in love with him over time.

Very underwhelmed. Like it was an anti climax, subdued even. I've often wondered why I felt like that because I've only ever heard how wonderful women felt, so it's good to read this thread.

It didn't last long and within a few hours I was on top of the world!

I had hg sickness the whole time I was pregnant so I found it hard to connect with baby while she was inside me.

My labour was amazing though (despite not going according to birth plan) and when she was born I felt really peaceful. Mainly because I didn’t feel sick for the first time in about eight months.

It’s ups and downs. You’ve chosen to ride the rollercoaster. You never know what’s around the next bend. And I say that 6 years on. I still don’t know what’s coming or how I’ll feel. That’s part of the privilege of being a parent.

Scary.
Scary.
Scary.
Amazing.
Scary.

That's the chain of thoughts, not 5 kids.

It took two nurses to lift him carefully out of the cot, making sure his ventilator etc stayed in place. I had a big pillow on my lap and he was placed into that so he was well cushioned. The nurses watched him and his machines and asked if I was OK and watched him and his machines and asked if I was OK etc. DH walked in during this time as. He was back from work and it had been an impromptu hold when the nurse realised we'd never held him.

The photo of us I just look so so happy. My smile masks being terrified haha!!
He was a little too settled and his blood pressure started to drift so nurses very efficiently took him back and got him resettled.

He was about 10 days old.

I didn't get to HD him again until after his operation so at about 3 weeks.

Weirdly can't remember the first time I could just pick him up and HD him because I wanted to.

My first thought was "OMG can I really do this?"

I didn't have much connection for the first 24 hours; I snuggled her all day but no strong feelings. The second night she opened her eyes and looked into mine and I felt an enormous surge of love.

It was three days before I held her. Suffice to say it was pretty emotional!

I'm not sure how I would have felt if she hadn't have been premature, but nothing that was supposed to come naturally has actually happened that way so I suspect it would have been "huh? ok, can I sleep now?"

I felt nothing. After reading about and seeing people talk about this rush of love you get and crying etc it affected me badly and I think was partly to blame for my PND.

In reality most people are so tired that they cannot take it all in at that moment (especially if they are about to deliver the placenta, have stitches done etc). Next time I am going to be much more aware and prepared for this and not judge myself.

I was just glad he was out. I wouldn't say I felt any love or anything. Relief it was over. I didn't have a clue what to do with him. I said to dp "what do I do?!" He said "just love him!"

I gave birth to DS standing up after an exhausting drug-free 24-hour labour. Think of the closing scenes from The Enormous Turnip and you're halfway there!

Midwife caught him and passed him up to me. He was hot, slippery and heavy (almost 10lbs)! I think I mainly felt a sudden peace and calm wash over me. We'd been TTC for 8 years and been through a horrific late miscarriage. Also overwhelmed and relieved that labour was over! He did feel like a little alien at first - a hungry, shouty little person who was very much in the room. But a very, very lovable little alien.

DD was born in a birthing pool, very quickly in comparison and I felt a bit shell-shocked. Thrilled that she was a girl, and again an overwhelming sense of calm after the storm.

I think I felt less connected to DD initially than I did to DS. We were sent home a few hours after she was born and I was straight back into family life and everyday jobs and concerns. Definitely had more of a babymoon period with DS.

Love them both equally and heart-burstingly now though :)

I had an unexpected pregnancy discovered at nearly 25 weeks. I wasn't maternal and a single parent.

I wasn't expecting to feel anything. I knew I'd love my DS but didn't expect to feel that rush you hear people talk about.

I was wrong.

I had a csection and I'll never forget seeing him for the first time. I still feel emotional every time I recall that intense powerful rush of love when he was lifted up. I've never experienced anything like it.

When I held him for the first time I nearly fainted as I had lost a lot of blood and they had raised the back of my bed too quickly. The second time I held him he'd had a poo and was covered in meconium. The third time was all good though :-)

No rush of love for me, either, I recall mainly thinking how gross and wrinkly and covered in gunk she was and wondering whether I'd be allowed to sleep now (answer: no)... it took a while for us to bond, maybe 2/3 months even, but I can't imagine not adoring her now. Expecting number two and have felt less connected during this pregnancy so wonder if it might go the other way when she's born too, and I'll be instantly smitten!

Weird.
Like he wasn't really mine. I had been awake for 31 hours, having contractions for 19 of those hours and he was delivered by emcs. I was annoyed that I didn't get to see him come out of me - had random thoughts that they could just have produced any old baby from behind the curtain, how could I be sure he was mine?

Also was still reeling from the fact that I could feel so much pulling during the section. Up to that point I thought the surgeon sliced you open and the baby popped out a la Red Riding Hood out of the wolf's stomach.

Didn't get to hold him until recovery because there was a bit of a hairy moment closing me back up. I still don't know exactly what it was but DH had gone off with DS and the next thing the anaesthesiast was asking me if I'd ever had a reaction to a general anaesthetic because he might have to put me under so I had a cry on my own and felt miserable. All was well in the end.

I felt the rush of love when DS was 3 and a half weeks old.

I felt completely overwhelmed and was sobbing when he finally bloody made it out. When they tried to take him away to weigh him i got all uppity and grrrrrrrrr.

With DD (EMCS) after 12 hours of labour i felt strangely detached...the next day she developed jaundice and had to go under the lights for 4 days. I just couldn't leave her under the lights on her own - she was so tiny and vulnerable . So i held her under them for 4 days and it was during that time (when i was a totally demented )...i really felt the rush of love.

I still get the feeling if overwhelming love now when they are asleep and look angelic.

Congratulations and don't fret. Everyone is different and their experience is different.

Hi all please can anyone advise me .my aunt passed away at the weekend and I'm going to see her in the chapel of rest .I want to go to see her but I'm scared as well and I'm not sure what to expect .I feel immense guilt I wasn't there when she died my mum was so horrid to me about it as my phone was on silent while I slept .I feel lost and a bad person that I wasn't there there.