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Original poster

Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

466 replies

UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:01

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

OP posts:
neveradullmoment99 · 20/09/2018 19:06

FFS - a bubbles or a novelty toy! She felt awkward about meeting you after over that?? I have been to numerous parties where I have gone and there has been extra and these have been given out to siblings. I perhaps wouldn't have asked but all the same, think she is the one with issues. It was a novelty toy fgs!

MirriVan · 20/09/2018 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wexta · 20/09/2018 19:12

I don't see the problem as it seems she had leftover toys anyway?

TonnoEMaionese · 20/09/2018 19:15

I wouldn't think any further about it - I mean, I've been on the other side of this - an invitee turned up with 4 of her cousins! And they all lined up expectantly for their party bags..

Luckily, I had over-catered so there was just about enough - although I apologised to one of the invited guest's mum's because the toddler she'd brought with them (and cleared bringing in advance) had a couple of bits less than the bigger kids, because I'd run out due to the extra big kids.

TBH, until now, I hadn't even thought of it since. Shit happens.

lisahpost · 20/09/2018 19:18

I don’t think it was rude tho I would not ask that personally as it’s a tad cheeky .

I do however think this “saving arguments at with sibling that didn’t get one “ is just plain stupid . Life isn’t equal and if one kid goes to a party and they get something that sibling doesn’t then tough luck ! I cannot understand the need to pander to siblings and make eveything the same or avoid life lessons like that .

noj1980 · 20/09/2018 19:18

I don't think it was unreasonable. At least you were decent enough to ask( many others aren't). Don't let others make you feel more worse than you clearly already are over something so minor. It will be old news soon.

lisahpost · 20/09/2018 19:21

Tho If its just some novelty party toy the other Mum is over reacting

OneStepSideways · 20/09/2018 19:22

OP I don't think you were rude. It's unusual to ask for an extra toy but there were spares and she was probably glad to get rid of them! I've given out extra cake, balloons etc for kids to take home to siblings. Nobody has asked me (yet) but if they did I wouldn't mind. It's annoying when you're left with a heap of party bag toys so I try to get people to take the excess home!

More likely she was tired/stressed/had a headache or something. Or is shy and socially awkward with new people!

TBH anyone who begrudges a child a spare toy for a younger sibling isn't someone I'd want to become friends with.

noj1980 · 20/09/2018 19:23

Just to clarify.. I meant there's people who would just take without asking

MyLearnedFriend · 20/09/2018 19:25

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 19:31

OP - ignore 90% of these comments

What becayse youre right, everyone else is wrong and only your opinion matters?

That's fairly arrogant, 😳

FrayedHem · 20/09/2018 19:32

I wouldn't dwell on it. It's quite possible that party mum was feeling frazzled at the end of the party and the WhatsApp message could even have been having a dig at those who left the toys behind. Did anyone respond to her message?

vivprod · 20/09/2018 19:40

Life is too short, please don't worry about it. Its not like you stole the toy she could have said no, she is the one with the problem not you. Move on............

Iseveryusernametaken · 20/09/2018 19:42

I'm confused. So loads of people forgot strategically abandoned their plastic crap gifts and she tried to get rid of more after the party? Is this correct?

Sounds like you did her a favour 😂

DesertSky · 20/09/2018 19:42

I actually think there were plenty left over, she didn’t mind you taking extra and wanted to get rid of the others seeming several didn’t taken theirs. She probably was the one who got embarrassed when you apologised for taking an extra toy and offered to return it as she then thought you had taken her global message as a dig to you!
OP don’t give it a second thought.
I too suffer from anxiety at times and over analyse things. You weren’t intentionally rude, but I’m sure you’ve learnt from the experience none the less. Just smile and act normal next time you see her.

littlemisssunshine81 · 20/09/2018 19:44

@Usualname I think that so many of the responses here are over the top and uncalled for and are making you feel worse than you really need to about this whole situation. If it had been me I would not have thought you rude for asking to take one of the apparently spare toys. Similarly (depending on how well I knew the other mum) I wouldn’t have felt it rude to ask to take one for my other kid if they seemed to be extras. Ultimately you need to tell yourself that this is not a big deal and certainly not worth you getting upset about. Even if the mum thinks you were rude she’ll get over it and the best thing you can do now is try to draw a line under it and move on. As parent we get ourselves into a state about so many little things you really do have to try to keep some perspective and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for something as innocent as this!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 19:45

In fairness to greyhound the op has been in tears because she thinks the mum may have looked at her funny. Can you imagine if the other mum HAD called her a cheeky bugger??

No. The OP was upset because the woman's body language made her feel like she thought she was odd and uncomfortable around her. This was after her posting on WhatsApp mentioning about the toys - which was probably done to make the OP feel like shit.

thismummydrinksgin · 20/09/2018 19:55

Don't be daft , it's no big deal. You are just being over sensitive and over thinking it. Ignore the people o their high horses. They will be telling you to leave your husband next. It's a bottle of bubbles, really. Even if she did think you were being presumptuous it's not that bad in the grand scheme of things! Personally so always have sweets or something to give siblings anyway at parties.

hiplink · 20/09/2018 20:04

I wouldn't worry about it anymore OP. I think given they were on the floor and most people had gone home it wasn't that unreasonable to ask. At least you did ask too, some people would have just taken one.

You don't know how the lady feels about it and you never will so it's not worth worrying about anymore. Just focus on feeling proud that your child was kind enough to think about their sibling.

MyLearnedFriend · 20/09/2018 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HotNatured · 20/09/2018 20:08

This place is full of loons Grin

OP you did NOTHING wrong. I’d be happy for you to take surplus of cheap post party plastic crap off my hands and most sane reasonable people would not think you rude for asking.

What is weird is the party woman chasing parents up about collecting said plastic crap that their kids had left behind! Hilare Grin Grin

cherish123 · 20/09/2018 20:19

Even if it cost 10 pence, it was still rude to ask. Poor etiquette.

cherish123 · 20/09/2018 20:21

However, I would doubt the party host is overly bothered.

HotNatured · 20/09/2018 20:21

cherish123

It is not ! Get a grip Grin

Tartsamazeballs · 20/09/2018 20:29

Not rude, jeez if it was £2 it's just some crappy placky tat, lifes too short! Bet the other mother would have just chucked it anyway if it wasn't claimed!

Cherish123 rude to ask for a leftover 10p item? Behave yourself love 😂😂

Think the answer is that in the land of Mumsnet chickens it's rude but parked safely IRL it's fine. Don't give it any more headspace!