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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

466 replies

UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:01

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

OP posts:
BrownPaperTeddy · 20/09/2018 16:07

You might find it odd, but then aren't all the same. I find it really hard to say no if my reason is simply that I don't want to. So if someone asks a favour I'll do it even if I don't want to, which is totally my problem.

Had I been this mum, if it was brought again I would just have said that it was fine, so I don't understand why she was weird.

Though we only have OPs opinion that she was weird. OP clearly feels anxious about the so maybe read more into the 2nd encounter than was intended.

slapbitchface · 20/09/2018 16:15

Of course it's rude - parents buy toys for the kids at the party they don't buy spares for their siblings

SylvanianFrenemies · 20/09/2018 16:20

I'm surprised at the harsh responses you are getting.

If I was her I wouldn't have minded at all. I might have said yes, I might have said no, but it would be a totally inconsequential thing.

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 16:20

Op, curious could it be something else?

Firstly you say your son went to a party, but your daughter wanted to an extra one take one home. Had you already taken an extra one for your daughter who wasn't an invited guest and then asked for a third also, when you only had one child at the party? So one child invited and you took three presents home?

Also why were you the last there and everyone else had left? Was that just the way it turned out or did you do more ie cut and run when everyone else stayed with their kid, or stayed when everyone else went, brought an extra kid, your daughter, who wasn't invited, hung about at the end when everyone else had gone, or turned up late to collect?

It seems you've maybe done something to upset this woman, and I'm wondering it it's a bit more than one extra gift from what you've written?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 16:40

Did you bring a sibling to the party, op, in addition to the other one at home? Shock

cherish123 · 20/09/2018 17:40

No wonder there are so many entitled children nowadays. Just because DD wanted to take one, does not mean you should have have asked for the toy! You could quite easily have said no to DD. If she is a stable child, she would have been fine. If not, you could have explained when you could have explained in the car or at home that it was only for the party attendees.

Mikklehaha · 20/09/2018 17:40

Given that we are talking about cheap tat toys I’m struggling to understand what the big deal is. If I were in that situation I would say ‘go for your life 😄’. I’d be happy that the toys weren’t being wasted.

Don’t worry OP, it may be that you misjudged the situation in that case but people are all very different, some mumsnetters bewilder me with some of their ways of thinking sometimes. Chalk it up to experience but please don’t let it eat away at your confidence. If it had been me I wouldn’t have thought it off at all 😄

Jeepy · 20/09/2018 17:41

Give her some chocolates or flowers and say sorry?

Jeepy · 20/09/2018 17:42

Give her some flowers or chocolates and say sorry?

PorkFlute · 20/09/2018 17:44

Well it isn’t a massive deal. I think getting her a gift would be stepping it up if she already thinks you’re weird! She might have just been a bit distracted and might not even be being off with the op. I think it’s best left alone now.

SuperSue77 · 20/09/2018 17:46

Not read the full thread but I don't see a problem in this. At loads of parties the hosts have given me extra toys or party bags for my other children and personally I don't want to have to take the extra home o dispose of. She could have said no in a nice way if she didn't want you to have one and i think it was lovely of your child to be thinking of their sibling. Some of the horrible comments on here may have scared you off reading but if you're still there then take comfort from the fact it wasn't an out of order thing to do!

SuperSue77 · 20/09/2018 17:46

In my mind I meant to add!

busyhonestchildcarer · 20/09/2018 17:47

You shouldn't have asked but not a big deal.she will forgive this if she is someone worth being friends with.if she doesn't then she isnt

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 17:52

Did you bring a sibling to the party, op, in addition to the other one at home

Yeah, I'm wondering if there is more to this and it's not just one extra gift, at minimum it reads like two extra gifts,, so three in total v one kid invited, and potentially a sibling brought to the party also.

theboud · 20/09/2018 17:55

More than 300 posts telling a woman with anxiety that she’s a horrific human being for taking a piece of plastic tat home from a party. This may be my peak Mumsnet moment.

@UsualName - if you’re still reading please ignore most of these posts. I’d happily give away spare toys to siblings at a party and so would most of my friends. If the woman throwing the party didn’t want you to take one then she should have grown a fucking backbone and TOLD you that instead of sending passive aggressive messages after the event. Please don’t give this a second thought.

FairNotFair · 20/09/2018 17:56

Jesus, is this still going? Grin

walkinginshadows · 20/09/2018 17:58

It wasn’t really the best idea to ask but it’s done, perhaps apologise and move on.

I had a mum rifle through my DS party bag and hand me back two items, saying “ugh no.” Now that’s rude in my opinion and I’ve had nothing to do with her since. She handed me back a Hotwheels car and a Bear fruit snack, the latter added specifically because her child has a nut allergy and couldn’t eat the packet of sweets that everyone else got (but this was also included in the bag for the mum to do whatever she wants with it).

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 17:59

I agree thebound
I don't know why but this thread has really got to me. Especially when the OP said she was crying. She felt bad about it and took on board what people were saying.

I hope she's still not worrying about it now.

Nowabruptly · 20/09/2018 18:04

Dear OP
I haven’t read the whole thread but I think your anxiety might be making you read things into the way the other mum responded. Or maybe she was just having a bad day and responded oddly. I wouldn’t think twice about someone asking for an extra leftover toy (clearly there were still some left after the party as well so not exactly an issue!). Please ignore the rude posts. You are clearly being very thoughtful about it, but also overthinking it. Hope you’re feeling ok about it all now.

Original poster
Usualname · 20/09/2018 18:06

Hi, I did not take my son to the party. I was last to leave, only by seconds - there was a queue out the door. I was not intentionally last.
I forgot to mention that there were also goodie bags, and we obviously only had one of those. There were about four of the toys left lying across the floor, I presumed they were extra.

Someone mentioned earlier that they think it could be a cultural thing. I have discussed this issue with my sister who agrees that where we come from, it's more normal for people to be a bit cheeky, and people talk a bit more openly. For example, if someone thought my request was cheeky, they'd probably reply "You cheeky bugger" and laugh. Or they would say no - because there was only one per child. I find people in the area I live now quite closed and overly polite in comparison. I'm a fish out of water a bit.

OP posts:
OkMaybeNot · 20/09/2018 18:07

Give her some chocolates or flowers and say sorry?

Oh my god, don't do this ^

She acted strangely imo.

Original poster
Usualname · 20/09/2018 18:10

I've just read some kind responses above. Thank you xx

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/09/2018 18:10

More than 300 posts telling a woman with anxiety that she’s a horrific human being for taking a piece of plastic tat home from a party. This may be my peak Mumsnet moment

Not one person said she's a horrific human or even came close to indicting it, so yes I'd agree this is indeed your peak mumsnet moment.

Next time read the thread.

Op have you had a name change fail?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 18:13

The OP hasn't NC, she's just used a small N.

Original poster
UsualName · 20/09/2018 18:14

Bluntness - Yes! Will repost:

Hi, I did not take my son to the party. I was last to leave, only by seconds - there was a queue out the door. I was not intentionally last.
I forgot to mention that there were also goodie bags, and we obviously only had one of those. There were about four of the toys left lying across the floor, I presumed they were extra.

Someone mentioned earlier that they think it could be a cultural thing. I have discussed this issue with my sister who agrees that where we come from, it's more normal for people to be a bit cheeky, and people talk a bit more openly. For example, if someone thought my request was cheeky, they'd probably reply "You cheeky bugger" and laugh. Or they would say no - because there was only one per child. I find people in the area I live now quite closed and overly polite in comparison. I'm a fish out of water a bit.

OP posts:
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