Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

466 replies

UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:01

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 20/09/2018 14:49

I can’t believe this thread is still going 😂

Fucking hell.

SponsoredFred · 20/09/2018 14:54

Who the FECK wants wedding table centre pieces????

🤣😂🤣😂🤣

BrownPaperTeddy · 20/09/2018 14:55

What plans could you have for left over bubbles?

We don't know that they were bubbles so a bit hard to know what the mum could have used them for but

  • she might have told her own children that they could have any left over ones
  • she might have planned to give them to another child's sibling
  • she might have planned to give them to children that couldn't attend the party because they were ill
  • she might have planned to return them for a refund

I have done all of the above. At the end of the day OP put her on the spot and maybe the mum felt unable to make a polite excuse.

The whatsapp message might have been as a result of another mum asking party mum for their toy that they had forgotten to collect or something.

I had occasions where siblings would just take an extra party bag and then we ran out for invited guests.

Honestly, just have some manners.

BrownPaperTeddy · 20/09/2018 14:59

Did they ask you for the centre piece and if so did you say yes? Because if not I can't see how that is anything like what the OP did.

No they didn't ask for them but the people that took them are the same people who did ask for an extra party bag or for. Xs little brother to join etc. It just seems to be a continuation of entitled behaviour.

Just wait to be offered. What is so wrong with that? If people want to give stuff away they will offer it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 15:00

SheGotBetteDavisEyes sums it up perfectly.

Can't believe some of you are so highly strung about a bit of plastic crap that was left at the end of a party. Doesn't say much about the type of people you are.

BrownPaperTeddy · 20/09/2018 15:01

Who the FECK wants wedding table centre pieces????
Well I had 12 large flower arrangements so I'm guessing 12 people wanted them.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 15:04

I think I the op is being a bit disengenuous by suggesting that it was something as throwaway as a pot of bubbles in one post, and suggesting it cost around £2 in another. (Also saying she couldn’t say exactly what the toy was in case it outed her Confused)
A two quid toy to give to kids in lieu of a party bag was hardly going to “end up in the bin” because a few kids forgot to take theirs?

SponsoredFred · 20/09/2018 15:06

Yeah, you can often judge a person by their friends brown! 🤣

Seriously, OP is the LEAST weird person on this thread! 😂

InertPotato · 20/09/2018 15:10

I would be glad to get rid of an extra novelty toy and wouldn't have found you rude at all.

My thinking exactly. After the party's over, the reversion to pre-party order begins immediately.

More2Fly · 20/09/2018 15:10

Couldn't she have said - "Actually I bought one for each child, so I'd better hold on to them just in case they forgot it". She could have basically said 'no'?

Yes! I have no idea why she didn't just say that at the time, but then I don't get the whole passive/aggressive idea of agreeing to something and then holding a grudge afterwards

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 15:10

So what do you think the toy was Iamgreyhound?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 15:12

God knows. Well, God and op but neither of them will disclose Grin
I’m just making the point that it may not be as throwaway as she suggested.

InertPotato · 20/09/2018 15:15

A two quid toy to give to kids in lieu of a party bag was hardly going to “end up in the bin” because a few kids forgot to take theirs?

This is exactly what would happen in my house (or, Goodwill if they were worth anything).

I am opposed to plastic trinkets and never gave party bags, so this wouldn't happen in the first instance.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 15:15

But who spends a lot on toys to give out at the end of a party? It's usually crap. I don't believe the OP is lying personally.

And if it was something more than a cheap toy then more fool the woman for saying it was fine.

LaurieMarlow · 20/09/2018 15:20

Honestly, just have some manners.

This.

There are a lot of people on this thread who don't seem to understand that asking for stuff that doesn't belong to you is rude. If it's offered, that's different.

InertPotato · 20/09/2018 15:24

I think I the op is being a bit disengenuous by suggesting that it was something as throwaway as a pot of bubbles in one post, and suggesting it cost around £2 in another. (Also saying she couldn’t say exactly what the toy was in case it outed her confused)

I don't understand your level of skepticism or confusion.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 15:25

You don’t have to, Inert?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 15:25

Oh behave! I probably wouldn't have asked but had I been asked I can't imagine being mean enough to even give it a second thought. If the other children had left and hadn't taken their toy I would think it was because they didn't want it and anything left could be taken by whoever wanted it.

InertPotato · 20/09/2018 15:26

There are a lot of people on this thread who don't seem to understand that asking for stuff that doesn't belong to you is rude. If it's offered, that's different.

It really depends. I'd find it sweet if someone asked me (nicely) for something of throw-away value at the end of a party, I would view it as a show of friendship, sort of. Like when someone asks you to do a favour.

And if someone asked for a piece of cake that I made to take home, I'd be swooning. I'd take that as a major compliment.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 15:29

Well, I have admitted that the party mum advising on Facebook that there were toys left behind was fairly bizarre behaviour (and that’s what suggested they may not be as crappy as all that), but I think op compounded the situation unnecessarily by asking again the next day whether party mum was ok with it.
So, still on the fence, really Grin

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 15:32

Leaving the message on WhatsApp seems to be a big of a PA dig at the OP imo.

Why the fuck she couldn't say no to her in the first place is beyond me if she didn't want her having it. Weird behaviour all round from that mum.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 15:32

Bit not big

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 15:32

WhatsApp, sorry.

BrownPaperTeddy · 20/09/2018 15:44

Why the fuck she couldn't say no to her in the first place is beyond me if she didn't want her having it. Weird behaviour all round from that mum.

Problem with these threads is that all of us can only guess why people acted in the way that they did but we can't actually know for sure.

I know that when I'm put in situations like this I usually say yes because I feel awkward or worried that if I say no I'll upset the other person. My issue I know. I wouldn't be PA about it but I would make a judgement on the person asking. If I had good reason to say no, like the present was definitely promised to a child that had been ill and couldn't attend the party, and someone asked for it I'd feel able to say no because it's for George who couldn't come or whatever. But if I'm caught on the hop I can't think of a quick excuse so say yes. Maybe this party mum was the same. She didn't expect to be asked and couldn't think of a reason to say no.

There are just so many issues at play here. Both parties are at fault. One shouldn't have asked, the other should said no if she felt so strongly.

But what's done is done. Just move on OP.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 15:49

Even if you were put on the spot initially and couldn't say no, ( which I find odd ) when the OP mentioned it again the mum could have said something like " oh don't worry yes they were supposed to be for the children that had left " instead of being all weird about it and making the OP feel even more shit.