To make 16 year old move out?

[AnAppleADay5]

After punching younger sibling (10).

Thanks.

Will reply properly when done at work. But wanted this on so replies when done.

Is it worth going through DS's school?

They usually happen daily. With proper violence being about twice a week.

Thanks for the support.

You absolutely should not be leaving him unsupervised with her at all. And he is ten, so a caring adult should be home with him at all times, she cannot be home alone with him.

However she also needs you. Apologies if I missed it but have you had a social care assessment as he could be considered a child in need due to sibling abuse, as could she because of her behaviour.

They usually happen daily. With proper violence being about twice a week.
Contact school tomorrow and explain everything. They will advise you on the best way forward. And if your dd can stay with a relative I actually think that would be best. Your son need to know he is being kept safe from harm. From the info you are giving I would even consider contacting the police, especially if she is refusing to get help for anger issues.

They usually happen daily. With proper violence being about twice a week

That's very very different to earlier posts. Would also probably have changed the opinions of a lot of people

I'm wondering if DS is annoying his sister in order to provoke a reaction from her to get attention from you. It sounds like you need to rebuild a relationship from scratch.

Have you recently spent a day out just the two of you doing things that he wants to do (aka love bombing)?

Yes but earlier "pushing" wasn't classed as proper violence. The twice a week thing includes shoving into things etc

It's ALL proper violence and will only escalate if you don't intervene.

Yes I know and tomorrow I'll have to speak to a professional.

OP you said earlier that you are allowing your son to be abused. You are allowing you son to be an emotional and psychological abuser of your daughter. The boy should not be goading her or calling her fat. There is a sentence around my area that you should not pick the fight if yo cant take the hammering! Very violent but if the boy was not calling her fat would all this be happening?

@ Merryoldgoat at 16.32. I don't know who you are but you could be me or my sibling or one of my DCs.

I have seen something really awful today which I believe is the result of a child getting away with too much. You really do need to get on top of this with the view that neither of your children are behaving nicely and they both need to change.

Where have I ever said my son's behaviour doesn't need to change?

OP I felt in a similar place as you 18 months ago with 14 yo DS.

We ended up asking ss for help. Best thing we ever did. We have parenting support and DS is also getting support.

He still has outbursts and bad attitude but it used to be daily. Now its weekly. As a family we are all doing so much better.
Still not great on bad days but we cope much better.

Can you ask ss for help?

How do these fights start? What instigates then?

For example, when I was younger, it might be something like coming home and finding all my makeup broken. I’d shout, my sister would hit me and run off, I’d go mad etc and mum would step in (ineffectively).

If she hadn’t done that we’d never have argued. What are the triggers?

@Stillme1

Frankly once my mum moved us in with her shitty partner and had more children my life went decidedly downhill. All anyone said was I was jealous. I wasn’t. I was fucking miserable and the consequences of her bad decisions still have consequences today. 30 years later.

Sorry for the brief derail OP.

Sorry you're going through this.

What did the doctor say?

How is the 16 year-old at school? Why would she lose her temper liek that - any particular reason?

Any social workers involved?

How often is your DD violent towards your DS without provocation?

Are you actually going to make your decision based on answers here?

There's a lot going on. You're not punishing DS by making him go to after-school. Lots of DCs need to go. They don't cry and try to emotionally manipulate their parents by jumping to 'maybe I'll get school to keep me'. You all need support. You've all got into destructive patterns of behaviour and it seems none of your DCs respect you or each other.
I'd go to the GP before the school tbh because you need support for both your DCs not just your DS.

Does she only hit him if he says something mean to her?

It's not just if he's mean. He can be in "her" spot on the sofa (it's no ones spot it's just the best) and she'll grab his t shirt as an example.

Ok, then this is frankly at her door then - if she just hates him for existing then that needs dealing with.

I agree that you need to involve professionals - she needs help and your son needs protecting.

You said earlier that you’re close to her - why does she say age does it? Can you talk properly about it in calm moments? Is this behaviour towards him new or has it been escalating for a while?

Have you kept a diary of incidents? because your posts on here seem inconsistent in their descriptions of the severity of the assaults and in the pattern of behaviour from both DCs. To enable professionals to help you all then you'll need to as honest and as dispassionate as possible. That includes looking at how both DCs behave elsewhere; triggers for their behaviour and support they have had.

@ Merryoldgoat - still so much of what you said is very similar to what went on around me. Parents get things wrong. I know that now at the time I thought all was OK.
I have often wondered if things had been different etc.
Personally I wish I had known then what I know now but I didn't.
Maybe your mum feels the same as me. Maybe the light has hit.
Don't be too hard on your mum she was likely younger then. The truth comes out. Certainly did here.
Sorry OP. This is people talking years down the line from where you are now. It may seem like a derail but it may also be a glimpse into the future for your family too.

You're not punishing DS by making him go to after-school. Lots of DCs need to go. They don't cry and try to emotionally manipulate their parents by jumping to 'maybe I'll get school to keep me'.

What a nasty thing to say about a child. Maybe he wants to go home and unwind after the school day and resents be fact that his violent sister makes that impossible.