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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to let my daughter cut her hair?

160 replies

Windmyonlyfriend · 18/09/2018 14:23

So DD turns 5 this weekend and has just started school.

Now I’m normally all for people dressing how they want and looking how they want and I generally let DD choose her own clothes/shoes etc.

But she’s become really vocal about wanting to cut all her (shoulder length) hair off. This is in no way a fashion statement, she just detests having it brushed. Every morning it’s a battle and she’s becoming increasingly insistent that she wants it ‘short like her brother’s’ (so basically a typical boy crop) because his doesn’t hurt when it’s perfunctorily brushed.

I feel as though she will really regret this if I let her do it. Especially since she’s just started school and peer pressure and peer judgement are going to be coming in to play pretty soon.

If she really wanted it short because she liked the style I know I’d feel differently and if she decides to cut it when she’s older I’ll be happy to take her but since it’s just related to her hatred of having it brushed, I’m extremely reluctant.

So AIBU to pull the ‘I’m your parent, I know better’ card on this, seeing as she’s only just 5?

OP posts:
AnnaL82 · 18/09/2018 14:25

What about a girly but shortish bob?

PhilomenaButterfly · 18/09/2018 14:27

YABU. It hurts her. Maybe not a boy crop, but a little shorter? Also, plaiting it at night stops it getting tangled.

TroysMammy · 18/09/2018 14:27

She's 5. It will grow again if she wants it to. It's her hair and it's good at her age she knows what she wants. If it's long she could donate it to the charity that makes wigs for ill children.

Enidblyton1 · 18/09/2018 14:27

A pixie crop can be girly. Though I wonder if she would still find it a pain to brush. A bob shouldn’t be hurting her?!

My DD (5) is the opposite. She used to have a really cute bob, but now is insistent she wants it longer like all the other girls...sigh!

Cath2907 · 18/09/2018 14:28

give her a bob, my DD looked gorgeous with a bob at age 5. Now at age 8 she has long hair again - her choice!

FissionChips · 18/09/2018 14:28

Just cut it. It will grow back.

HadopelagicZone · 18/09/2018 14:29

I agree that a compromise with a chin length bob might be the answer. If her hair is thick/knotty then some detangler spray and a wide tooth comb to sort it out.

Enidblyton1 · 18/09/2018 14:29

Oh I misread it being a shoulder length rather than already in a bob.
If you take her to a good hairdressers, they will be able to do a really cute, curled under bob. I think this kind of hair cut looks lovely on little girls and is really easy to brush.

Disfordarkchocolate · 18/09/2018 14:30

It's out tangled try a silk pillowcase.

aphextwin · 18/09/2018 14:32

I saw a little girl on the bus who had a really well cut pixie bob and it looked lovely.

RB68 · 18/09/2018 14:33

Just let her do it. I really do not see the issue - it will quickly grow back at that age if she doesn't like it in the end. I don't get why grown ups have to control how kids hair looks. I also don't get why all the major control issues in school either

Ennirem · 18/09/2018 14:33

It's her hair!!! And it grows back. She's 5, not 15 - 5 year olds barely no which way is up, never mind have time to mock each other for having short hair! If she doesn't like it she can grow it back again.

There is literally no rational reason why girls "should" have long, annoying hair (or indeed why boys should not!). Just take her to the hairdresser and let her have it how she wants it. Anything else is a sorry statement about her right to even minimal bodily autonomy.

HectorlovesKiki · 18/09/2018 14:35

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Agentornika · 18/09/2018 14:36

If she wants it cutting let her and get some leave in conditioner in the meantime - works wonders on my knots

Twotailed · 18/09/2018 14:36

Another vote for letting her have it cut. Short doesn’t have to mean boyish, and if she doesn’t like it it will grow!

Bluelady · 18/09/2018 14:37

Hair grows. Let her do what she wants with it

Twotailed · 18/09/2018 14:37

I would hate to have you as a mother, you dictator.

Bit of an overreaction Hmm

TaurielTest · 18/09/2018 14:39

Please have it cut if that's what she's asking for. Not wanting it long because brushing it is a pain is a perfectly valid reason.

Thesearmsofmine · 18/09/2018 14:39

I would let her do it. My sons choose their own hairstyle, one has it very short, the other has his long.

Haireverywhere · 18/09/2018 14:39

Could you try a tangle tease brush first and if it still hurts then cut it?

UnicornSparkles1 · 18/09/2018 14:39

Get a Tangle Teezer. Or just let her cut her hair. Hair grows. No big deal.

RayRayBidet · 18/09/2018 14:39

Both my girls had pretty bobs at that age. Easy to brush. It's also better because it takes two seconds to blow dry when the weather gets colder instead of the annoying 8 hours long hair took*.

*8 hours may be a slight exaggeration.

LoveAGoodChat · 18/09/2018 14:43

Have you tried a kids spray on detangler spray before brushing ?(the spray loosens the knots)..also try using a tangle teezer brush as it will get the knots untangled without pulling on her hair

If she really wants it cut, why not try a nice Bob, (hair grows, so it will grow long as again before you know itGrin)

fizzytonicplease · 18/09/2018 14:43

I asked to have all my hair cut off when i was 4.5, i had been ill so my hair felt and looked lank and was knotting very easy and i hated having it brushed. I asked the hairdresser to cut it and she kept trying to tell me and my mum to have it as bob! I said no and my mum said if she hates it then it will grow again. So hair was cut very short and i loved it no more painful brushing or spending time having it tied up.

Wobblington · 18/09/2018 14:43

YABU. My DD at 5 said the same about wanting short hair like her brothers. I did however ask the hairdresser to cut it off a few inches at a time and DD choae to stop at a short just above chin length bob. I just didn't want the hairdresser to cut it all off at once and DD to be upset by a dramatic change. Let her have it cut I say.