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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to let my daughter cut her hair?

160 replies

Windmyonlyfriend · 18/09/2018 14:23

So DD turns 5 this weekend and has just started school.

Now I’m normally all for people dressing how they want and looking how they want and I generally let DD choose her own clothes/shoes etc.

But she’s become really vocal about wanting to cut all her (shoulder length) hair off. This is in no way a fashion statement, she just detests having it brushed. Every morning it’s a battle and she’s becoming increasingly insistent that she wants it ‘short like her brother’s’ (so basically a typical boy crop) because his doesn’t hurt when it’s perfunctorily brushed.

I feel as though she will really regret this if I let her do it. Especially since she’s just started school and peer pressure and peer judgement are going to be coming in to play pretty soon.

If she really wanted it short because she liked the style I know I’d feel differently and if she decides to cut it when she’s older I’ll be happy to take her but since it’s just related to her hatred of having it brushed, I’m extremely reluctant.

So AIBU to pull the ‘I’m your parent, I know better’ card on this, seeing as she’s only just 5?

OP posts:

Frogscotch7 · 18/09/2018 16:32

I wish my kid was as sensible as yours.

TonTonMacoute · 18/09/2018 16:32

If it was my DD I'd just cut it. If she hates it, it will grow back and she'll have learned a lesson!

^ This

She has asked to have it cut short, and she has given you a good reason, let her have it cut.

I really don’t understand this obsession with little girls having long hair. It seems to be the last thing that people expect girls to have to do because they are girls. IMO it’s as bad as saying you must wear a pretty dress and play with dolls and tea sets. There are boys who look great with long hair, but a little girl with short hair looks ‘awful’?

When they are this young the hair is usually very fine and looks straggly quite a lot of the time anyway, and it does help with the transmission of nits!

ChampooPapi · 18/09/2018 16:33

Oh definitely do it ! At least if she regrets it now it'll grow so fast and she's so small it's the perfect time. Much better then her never having it short so going for it at 15, now that can be a cut you regret!

HadopelagicZone · 18/09/2018 16:34

Definitely agree with looking on Pinterest. If you search for child’s short bob thick hair, you will hopefully get a lot of pics to both look at.

StoatOfManyColours · 18/09/2018 16:35

We've tried loads of brushes including the standard tangle teezer but this is the best by a mile.

DD screamed and sobbed every day unless her hair was in a short bob or long enough to plait. Anything in between was awful.

ChampooPapi · 18/09/2018 16:36

@TonTonMacoute yes to all this too, not having to constantly not comb is also a huge bonus!

Hideandgo · 18/09/2018 16:36

Why exactly do you think little girls and women are expected to have impractical and painful swishy hair anyway? Because nobody gives a shot about comfort as long as a girl looks cute.

Your DD is more sensible than most little girls who already at that age ignore painful brushing in order to get the ‘oh you look like a princess’ praise from everyone.

HadopelagicZone · 18/09/2018 16:36

Just checked Pinterest. Little girls short bob produces loads of ideas

Hideandgo · 18/09/2018 16:38

So sorry, was too busy ranting to answer the OP!

She will look equally fabulous with short hair! Go for it. And added bonus it’s really practical!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 18/09/2018 16:41

let her cut it. win win for everyone - no morning arguments about hair brushing.

I don't think it's peer pressure that could be a problem here- you'er already pushing on her what a girl should look like.

LittleMissMarker · 18/09/2018 16:43

IMO it’s as bad as saying you must wear a pretty dress and play with dolls and tea sets.

Actually it's worse. Pretty dresses and tea sets don't hurt. Learning that you have to do things that hurt you to be an acceptable looking girl. Just the message we want to convey, eh?

(Sorry, that's more grim than I really feel most of the time)

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 18/09/2018 16:43

I think there is a middle ground between "rushing to shave off" and shoulder length hair.

UnlikelyMary · 18/09/2018 16:44

DD3 wanted a very short bob at around the age of 7 and the hairdresser refused. I was outraged. She'd been given a normal bob.
Few years later she wanted it cropped on one side and after a lot of chatting through the pros and cons we worked our way up to it over about three haircuts by getting it cut progressively shorter.
She has it long now.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 18/09/2018 16:45

Could you compromise with your dd, perhaps have quite a bit cut off but not fully as short as she wants and if she likes it then go shorter the next time to how she wants it?

Crackedvase · 18/09/2018 16:46

Cut it. My dd11 was the same, she got the shortest bob ever at 5, and has worn a pixi since 9. She detests hair on herself. And honestly, its such a dream to not have the hairbrush battles x

1981fishgut · 18/09/2018 16:48

Pick your battles it’s her hair

It is effects nothing and your also saying with short hair you look ugly

corythatwas · 18/09/2018 16:48

Is this because you think everybody should care about their style or because you think she, as an individual, is somebody who cares about style? There is a big difference.

At her age- and in fact at every intervening age between 5 and 55- I have cared more about comfort than style. Friends come up and compliment me on a garment (inherited from my late MIL) or suggest trying a different hairstyle and I can't for the life of me work out how to tell them any more clearly that as long as I am not bringing my profession into disrepute I absolutely don't give a flying shit. Never have, never will.

TonTonMacoute · 18/09/2018 16:51

Thinking about this some more (yes, I am meant to be doing something else) even though I am absolutely ancient, I can still remember how much it hurt having your wet hair combed as a small child. It can be very painful, much more so than as an adult.

rightknockered · 18/09/2018 17:01

I would let her get it cut. My dd is 9 and has gone from chin length Bob to wanting it like Elsa, and now back to chin length bob which age can brush herself and wear a headband if she wishes. Hair grows fast

choli · 18/09/2018 19:11

At 5, isn't this little girl a bit young to be taught "you have to suffer for beauty"?

reallyanotherone · 18/09/2018 20:47

At 5, isn't this little girl a bit young to be taught "you have to suffer for beauty"?

Also that “beauty” is a set of fixed gender specific rules. Cut your hair and you’re no longer beautiful. Long hair, make up, polished nails,no body hair = beautiful. Natural beauty doesn’t exist, you must be naturally beautiful and still do all that to make yourself better. I keep reading on here about grooming routines “to be the best version of me” . Nearly causes me to dislocate my eyes.

theconstantinoplegardener · 18/09/2018 21:05

One of my DDs was like this and I felt the same as you. It was all down to the irritation factor of having her hair brushed and combed at length, and I felt that she would regret it if it were cut short. We compromised with a bob. We also use conditioner on her hair at every wash - it really does result in far fewer knots. We have got a Tangle Tamer brush which helps too - though it looks like Tangle Teasers also come highly recommended here!

gonnabreakmyrustycage · 18/09/2018 21:10

What about something like this?

www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/160018592987032055/

Loyaultemelie · 18/09/2018 21:41

My dd1 is 8 and hated her hair getting brushed from a young age we are now very near an asd diagnosis which may or may not have made it worse. The week after her 6th birthday she got a short bob and has never looked back, several classmates have since got variations. Now it's the shortest bob there is without being a pixie cut and dd2 has also chosen a short style (own choice as like me she gets migraines and tangled hair is unbearable!) and they are often complimented.

slippermaiden · 18/09/2018 21:44

I wouldn't let my daughter get hers cut but I would sort out the painful tangles. Wash and condition it. Plait it at night after brushing.

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