AIBU not to let my daughter cut her hair?

[Windmyonlyfriend]

So DD turns 5 this weekend and has just started school.

Now I’m normally all for people dressing how they want and looking how they want and I generally let DD choose her own clothes/shoes etc.

But she’s become really vocal about wanting to cut all her (shoulder length) hair off. This is in no way a fashion statement, she just detests having it brushed. Every morning it’s a battle and she’s becoming increasingly insistent that she wants it ‘short like her brother’s’ (so basically a typical boy crop) because his doesn’t hurt when it’s perfunctorily brushed.

I feel as though she will really regret this if I let her do it. Especially since she’s just started school and peer pressure and peer judgement are going to be coming in to play pretty soon.

If she really wanted it short because she liked the style I know I’d feel differently and if she decides to cut it when she’s older I’ll be happy to take her but since it’s just related to her hatred of having it brushed, I’m extremely reluctant.

So AIBU to pull the ‘I’m your parent, I know better’ card on this, seeing as she’s only just 5?

Personally, I'd first have a chat with her to make sure she understands hair can take a while to grow back if she hates it, then I'd absolutely take her to do it. Have them take it off a bit at a time as suggested by a PP, and she can stop them when she's happy.

You sound like a good and loving mother. I understand what it's like to want to protect your 5 year old from making a choice you suspect she may not fully understand the consequences of; but if she can't stand it, it will grow back. You'll be worrying about your kids for the rest of your life, as it's what parents do.

HRFT
You have a chance here to let your daughter make her own choices, to do what she wants with her own body. It's actually an incredibly powerful choice.
She has a good reason and denying her for the aesthetics you choose is rather selfish and giving her the message that long hair is more acceptable - and why is that?
My own DD had longish, curly hair and it was painful to brush sometimes, she also likes the way shorter hair looks. So, she had it cut, I did slightly grieve the loss of her beautiful hair but it really suits her and she (most importantly) likes it better this way.
If your DD changes her mind, it will grow out.

A good way to brush thick wavy hair without causing pain is to only brush it when it's wet - start at the ends to get rid of any tangles there, then work your way up. I have similar hair and my mother would yank a hairbrush through it (when it was DRY) while cursing - I hated it! Have learned to manage it much better myself.

Maybe try the above and see if she's persuaded by the technique?

YABU Long hair on kids is hard to deal with for both the parent and the kid, detangling hurst and makes bathtime stressful all around. Keep it short and manageable and let her grow in once she can wash, RINSE, brush and style it herself. It is not worth the pain of brushing and it's easier to avoid headlice.

Ugh typos

Just um and ah a bit and if she still wants it short in a few months, go a bit shorter. You are just trying to make a decent parenting call, with her in mind.

If it is just down to the pain of brushing, is there something that can help with that? I have thick hair and I use a leave in conditioner and then a tangle teaser before brushing with a ‘real’ brush to make sure there are no knots forming. Usually in bed I wear a loose plait as well so it’s doesn’t get all matted in my sleep. If she wanted it cut due to how it looks etc then yes it would be unreasonable to say no; but hopefully finding a routine will eliminate what appears to be the only issue.

Really disappointed to see replies about girly hair and boy hair.
No wonder so many girls are confused about who they are when we're enforcing these stereotypes!
FFS it's hair, it grows, if she regrets it she'll learn a life lesson.
When my oldest (nearly 18) was at school half the girls in his class had short hair. Now my youngest (nearly 8) is in school every single girl has long hair - WTF are we doing!

I agree that how girls ‘should look’ has become alarmingly narrow. And pink was quite a rare colour 20yrs who. Now it’s the main colour.

My mum trained as a hairdresser in the late 1920s, so she cut our hair, pictures of me as a child reveal a marcel wave. It was deeply cool, I wish I could find someone to recreate it.

It seems very sad to me that little girls must have long hair even when it distresses them. It's not what childhood should be about in my mind.