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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to let my daughter cut her hair?

160 replies

Windmyonlyfriend · 18/09/2018 14:23

So DD turns 5 this weekend and has just started school.

Now I’m normally all for people dressing how they want and looking how they want and I generally let DD choose her own clothes/shoes etc.

But she’s become really vocal about wanting to cut all her (shoulder length) hair off. This is in no way a fashion statement, she just detests having it brushed. Every morning it’s a battle and she’s becoming increasingly insistent that she wants it ‘short like her brother’s’ (so basically a typical boy crop) because his doesn’t hurt when it’s perfunctorily brushed.

I feel as though she will really regret this if I let her do it. Especially since she’s just started school and peer pressure and peer judgement are going to be coming in to play pretty soon.

If she really wanted it short because she liked the style I know I’d feel differently and if she decides to cut it when she’s older I’ll be happy to take her but since it’s just related to her hatred of having it brushed, I’m extremely reluctant.

So AIBU to pull the ‘I’m your parent, I know better’ card on this, seeing as she’s only just 5?

OP posts:
MirriVan · 18/09/2018 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StressedandNameChanged · 18/09/2018 15:23

Having shorter hair that is easier to brush will definitely be an advantage once nits start doing the rounds of her class.

AgeingDurannie · 18/09/2018 15:23

One of my DTs (11) has been gone from long to pixie and back again 3 times since she was 4! Let her have a pixie, it'll grow....

butlerswharf · 18/09/2018 15:27

I'd let her have a bob it will soon grow out.

Racecardriver · 18/09/2018 15:27

I would suggest cutting into a Bob that is very short at the back. Alternatively, if her hair is very thick and getting tangled underneath at the nape of her neck you can try an undercut.

InfiniteVariety · 18/09/2018 15:32

I feel as though she will really regret this if I let her do it

I don't see the problem - if she regrets it, she can grow it longer again.

PlatypusPie · 18/09/2018 15:33

My DD1 had thick, fine hair (like me at that age ) and was a restless sleeper, so there was a tendency to birdnesting ( also like me) Eventually she wanted it cut into a chin length bob which looked very pretty ( Ref : Milly Molly Mandy books) and was so, so much easier at the bath time anti-nit conditioner combing.

My MIL was aghast when she saw her - ‘ Such a shame,all that lovely hair ! She looks like a boy ! ‘ - not sure which boys had that cut, save maybe as a page at a medieval Court 🙄

glamorousgrandmother · 18/09/2018 15:34

YABU hair will grow back.

bonzo77 · 18/09/2018 15:37

Let her have it cut. I really wanted mine done when small too. My son has his hair in what is really a very short graduated bob. We only comb it after washing. One of the girls in his class has a very similar cut. Looks great on both of them.

myfatarse · 18/09/2018 15:37

this looks lovely

AIBU not to let my daughter cut her hair?
Isadora2007 · 18/09/2018 15:41

My dd had a pixie crop age 3 following a home made hairdressing attempt gone wrong. She then grew her hair back. Age 7/8 she wanted it “boy short” and got it all chopped off again. Less pixie more boyish. She loved it. She grew it back from 10/11 and now has long hair in her teens.
Hair grows and life lessons about making decisions and allowing children to experience consequences are all important.

LittleMissMarker · 18/09/2018 15:41

This is in no way a fashion statement, she just detests having it brushed. Every morning it’s a battle and she’s becoming increasingly insistent that she wants it ‘short like her brother’s’ (so basically a typical boy crop) because his doesn’t hurt when it’s perfunctorily brushed.

I had my (fine, tangly) hair cut off when I was about 8 years old. I had a very short pixie bob. It was such a relief! And apart from the lack of tangles I still remember (and envy my young self) the sheer bliss of hairstyling that was no more than rubbing a towel over my head, and hair that dried in seconds after swimming.

DSis had a pageboy, wouldn't have been short enough to de-tangle me.

Your DD might be upset. It will grow back. She may decide to grow it longer when she is older and can brush it herself, try out different types of brushes, etc.

serbska · 18/09/2018 15:44

You need a tangle teaser! Shouldn't hurt with that.

serbska · 18/09/2018 15:45

But yeah, let he have it short. It will grow back if she doesn't like it.

Ohyesiam · 18/09/2018 15:45

If you really fear her reaction try
Leave in conditioner
Tangle teaser
Satin pillowcase(really works)
And make big deal of having found a NEW WAY to brush hair, and start from the bottom and brush down.
I have a family of mixed middle eastern / med curly heads and the above works for us.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 18/09/2018 15:47

But she hates it being long. So there is nothing to lose (except her hair) by letting her have it cut. It will grow back.

I remember a friend struggling with this and her DD’s beautiful blonde curls when she started school. She eventually backed down and it got cut. The DD is now 10 and has waist length hair.

Winchester89 · 18/09/2018 15:48

I know what the 'correct' answer should be. But I also know I just wouldn't cut my daughters hair that short. A bob is about as far as id go, and even then id be sad.
Saying that, why is it hurting so much? My dd has hair to middle of her back, very fine but lots of it and gets very tatty. Normally tie it up at night, and then brush so it doesn't hurt...

MorningsEleven · 18/09/2018 15:48

I'd go for a jaw length bob then see if she wants to have a pixie cut later.

My friend's daughter got chewing gum in her hair and had to have a pixie cut. She looked absolutely adorable, it really suited her.

Alpacanorange · 18/09/2018 15:50

Yabu. Very. However I do relate to the sensation of disappointment. She is not meant to live up to your image, let her be herself.

BeUpStanding · 18/09/2018 15:51

YABU

OracleofDelphi · 18/09/2018 15:51

I think the clue OP is in your title - "should I let my daughter cut HER hair". Its hers, it doesnt belong to you.

If it hurts being brushed and she doesnt like it then get it cut. Im afraid its not really your choice to make

BloodyDisgrace · 18/09/2018 15:52

I'm not a parent but I'd say if brushing hurts her and she's fed up with it, then let her cut it. It's only hair, it will grow. And if she wants it long, then she can grow it. But let her decide on this one. It's a battle not worth being fought.

Findingdotty · 18/09/2018 15:52

YABU. She is being practical and trying to solve a problem she has identified which is having discomfort when having her hair brushed. She has thought of a clever and reasonable solve. I would be encouraging her not discouraging.

LittleMissPonsible · 18/09/2018 15:54

Another vote for a Tangle Teaser! We’ve lost ours just now Hmm and we’re all feeling the pain!

mplINsTA · 18/09/2018 15:54

So to clarify, you think your five year old daughter should endure daily pain JUST IN CASE another five year old says something mean to her?

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