AIBU not to let my daughter cut her hair?

[Windmyonlyfriend]

So DD turns 5 this weekend and has just started school.

Now I’m normally all for people dressing how they want and looking how they want and I generally let DD choose her own clothes/shoes etc.

But she’s become really vocal about wanting to cut all her (shoulder length) hair off. This is in no way a fashion statement, she just detests having it brushed. Every morning it’s a battle and she’s becoming increasingly insistent that she wants it ‘short like her brother’s’ (so basically a typical boy crop) because his doesn’t hurt when it’s perfunctorily brushed.

I feel as though she will really regret this if I let her do it. Especially since she’s just started school and peer pressure and peer judgement are going to be coming in to play pretty soon.

If she really wanted it short because she liked the style I know I’d feel differently and if she decides to cut it when she’s older I’ll be happy to take her but since it’s just related to her hatred of having it brushed, I’m extremely reluctant.

So AIBU to pull the ‘I’m your parent, I know better’ card on this, seeing as she’s only just 5?

I had mine cut short for my 5th birthday because I hated having my hair cut. (No tangle tweezers & detangling spray in 1984)
I hated it and started growing it back the next day & it's never been shorter than shoulder length.....

Let her - she might like it & if she doesn't it'll grow back!

I had a pixie cut at that age. My choice. Let her do what she wants.

I wouldn't let my daughter get hers cut

Why not?

Why will people not allow children to have autonomy over their own hair? Why is there such a fear of cutting girls hair?

It’s hair! It will grow back.

And here it is, the start of pressure to look a certain way as a girl/woman. No wonder women trade so much of their precious time for beauty regimes. We’re taught from a young age we must look like pretty princesses.

I am shocked at some of the replies on here, your poor daughters, being conditioned to look a certain way, if they don't, they are not as attractive.

Actaully shortish hair is so liberating, no Tangle Teezers, detangling spray or pain. My SIL is like this, only long hair on her girl, she does not like short hair on girls. Dread to think what she thinks of my asymetric short hair style. My dd 11 has ASD and part of that is sensory processing disorder, meaning she finds her scalp being touched, painful. So its a short bob all the way, which makes life so much easier. Don't know how SIL would cope with that!

I never normally post but this rang true to me. My daughter has very long hair past her bum and she is ADAMANT that she won't have it cut. She is terrified of it! Of course I won't cut her hair if she doesn't want me to (I plait it) but if your daughter wants short hair then let her. There's loads of short stylish hair cuts...

It is different if they want the long hair, but being made to have it long because they will be less feminine, or not fit in with the feminine ideal.

Tell her 'of course you can darling I'll book the appointment for 3 weeks away'. Then don't mention it again. If she's still of the same mind in 3 weeks then let her

My DD wanted a pixie cut at 9. We let her and she looked like a boy. A teacher even asked her if her name was Richard . She looks so pretty with her blonde shoulder length bob but she wants to do it again. I've been delaying it but I don't really feel like I can deny her. Her hair and all and I think that any negatives she found must have been ok.

YABU.
It's her hair. It's hurting her when it's brushed. She's not asking to have it shaved off, just cut short.

DD chose to have a pixie cut in year 1. Its unusual at that age but she was so much happier having no knots and mornings were a lot less stressful. She did get some comments from children when she went back after the summer for having boys hair though. She prefers to settle for a chin length bob now (she's yr 4).
I give DD full autonomy over her hair, it's important for children to be able to make decisions with consequences and at the end of the day it always grows back.

Let her cut it. If it turns out she doesn't like it, use it as a lesson and gently tell her it will obviously grow back. It's only hair, and it will grow back.

Daughter has ringlets and dry hair. So its a constant battle with knots. Id suggest a tangleteaser brush, there's a flower one in a pot. It has a little insert and booklet to say its come from the hair fairy! Also just going the hairdressers and having the fuss of haircut 'like a big girl' encouraged much better hair brushing with dd.

Haven't read all the replies but I would just cut it personally. DD has sensory issues and hates having her haor brushed. She has very fine tangly hair. Something that helps is putting coconut oil in her hair before washing and using a Wet Brush (Amazon) which doesn't pull as much as a Tangle Teazer or normal hairbrush.

Let her have it cut, for God’s sake.

My DD wanted a pixie cut at 9. We let her and she looked like a boy. A teacher even asked her if her name was Richard

It is shocking that a teacher would say that!

Seriously, I am so glad that I was born in the late 60s and grew up in the 70s and 80s which, although it didn't seem so at the time, must have been a high point of freedom for girls to be who they wanted to be! I look back at old school photos and most of the girls had short hair and quite a few of the boys had long hair!

When did all this pink, glittery, long-haired princess shite come in?

It's taking us backwards not forwards!

Seeingadistance it was a genuine mistake. A teacher asked her name she said what it was and the teacher heard Richard . It fit with what she was seeing. DD was upset but she truely looked like a boy in her androgynous school uniform.

OP - I think you need to drop this self-image you have of a person who doesn't want to control her DC.

Because that's precisely what you're doing here.

You are seeking to impose your hair choice on your DD. That's not nice.

This is a hairdo, and she wants a perfectly normal style. I early can't think of a single good reason for her not to choose her hairdo. Don't pass on either your controlling tendencies, or a view that a hairdo is that important and must be just right. Yes people care how they look, but a 'meh' haircut, or even one you rapidly decide you hate and need to grow out, shouid not be such a big deal.

Because I’m worried she’ll hate it once it’s done and be really upset.

But she hates it now, if she hates it short it will grow and it won't hurt to brush.

I have 2 DD. They both had very short bobs until fairly recently. They both hated having it brushed and as regular swimmers we had issues with the amount of chlorine in their hair (makes it sticky and therefore more tangled). I refused to let them grow it until they could look after it themselves. DD2 was more interested in doing that and now (at 9) has a lob which is actually easier to look after because she sleeps with plaits in her hair (although we still need regular stripping washes with washing up liquid to remove the chlorine). DD1 has gone the other way and has a very funky pixie. Our hairdresser was brill about it and they even took photos of her to put on their website. But she's 10 so clearly old enough to make the decision herself and has only had positive comments at school.

So this is a roundabout way of saving a bob can actually be worse WRT brushing (even with a tangle teaser) because it can't be tied back. But I'd let her get it cut short, it's pretty fashionable at the DDs school now because some of the cool girls have done it.

Not RTFT but have you tried conditioning spray, tangle teaser brushes or just tying it back at night?
Also use good conditioner and brush with conditioner in when you wash it then tie or plait at night

My DS also hates having his hair brushed but he doesn't mind me doing it rather than daddy with tangle teaser brush and conditioner spray

What happened OP?

Let her have a cut. Hair will grow again and she'll go through lots of hair phases.