To consider leaving DH over SiL Wedding?

[FlashingMe]

Name change but cutted up pear, bollards etc.

SIL is due to be married next week abroad, very small wedding. We do not get on. She is toxic and selfish. There is never any contact between us and i keep her away from my DC’s. Her and DH aren’t particularly close either they can go months without talking.

Anyway we agreed I wouldn’t attend and since its term time neither would the DC’s. Before this was all confirmed PIL booked DH on a flight and his hotel, as a single traveller.

Me and DH have had several arguments over this as I would never say he couldn’t attend but I felt out of respect for the way she treats his family he wouldn’t go.

Its getting closer and i can feel the resentment building, i would never go to a family event without him and i get that he only has 1 sister and wants to be there but AIBU? I hate the fact he’s going and nobody has bothered to think how me or the DC are going to feel.

Reading about this again, it sounds like your in-laws want a reaction from you. The reaction will help make you look irrational and them innocent. This won't stop until they learn that nothing can irritate your relationship.

There are some things you can do with this wedding.
1.Give her what she doesn't want. Go to the wedding. Be there with your husband. If you know another attendee, you have someone to speak to if your husband is asked to do something "official". However, if you go, you must respect the seating chart. Your kids may end up going and playing with any cousins etc. Given all of the above, if you think you can go and not react to anything (people may give you funny looks. there may be subtle things to tick you off), then go. It shows that you have a mature and resilient relationship with your husband.

1. Go on the holiday, don't go to the wedding. Enjoy time away with your kid. Go to theme parks, eat out and just have a good time. With this one, you have to make sure you let your husband go to the wedding and any associated after parties/brunch. He may commit to going to xyz with you but plans may change last minute. That shouldn't bother you.

1. Don't go at all. Let him go. Try not to react. Fill your schedule up with fun/relaxing things.

Improve12 really?

I think it sounds like everyone knows she won't go and so has respected that.

I come from a very toxic family. Personally I think your dh is respecting your boundaries. He has respected you want nothing to do with sil and that you want the children kept away.

Outsider looking in, what you are suggesting is exactly the same as how sil acted:
Sil went nc for 6 months because dh didn’t attend her birthday celebration when ds was very ill and hospitalised.
I will divorce my dh (the ultimate nc in a marriage) if he attend sils wedding when we don’t get on as she is very unreasonable.

I assume his parents didn’t book you and the dcs as they know you wouldn’t go. I imagine you’re not coming back and won’t tell us what your relationship is with the pils.

So you don’t want to go, you don’t want your dc to go, in laws know this so paid for your dh, their son, to go, and you are pissed off that he wants to go

IKR? Completely bonkers

I'd be cross with my DH if we had agreed something because I was uncomfortable and unhappy about doing it and then he tried to persuade me otherwise.

You need to just ignore the whole thing. Your Sil is batshit crazy expecting your Dh to leave his small child with sepsis to go to a party. Plus you say more lie this.
They didn't invite you, they are looking for yoou to kick off about it, so they can say it's you who's the crazy one.
Wave your Dh off, tell him see you when you get back and I bet he'll come back full of the dramas Sil has created. Don't give them ammo, once this is over you and Dh can go back to the usual not contacting her only every few months.