About 16yr old dd going on family holiday?

[alifromtheforest]

Her father and I split when she was 2. We have always had a brilliant relationship with no issues and he has gone above and beyond to be an excellent father.

His mother is about to be 70 and they're going on a big family holiday to the Maldives (about 10 of them) to celebrate. They are very wealthy and these holidays happen not infrequently. On this occasion they're going for ten days across the October half term.

Dd is almost 17 and after a rough few months has really settled socially. Holidays are the only time that she and her best friends can properly get together to hang out because they're all at separate boarding schools.

Dd really, REALLY does not want to go on this holiday. She's been saying this for weeks. I started out with the attitude of "This is a special holiday and you have the rest of your life to socialise", but from what I've heard about this holiday it's not going to be very enjoyable for her (days and events centred around her six young cousins, aged between 6 years and 3 months).

She knows the flight has been paid for (around £400) and that they will be very disappointed/angry if she doesn't go.

I'm stuck! On the one hand, she has consistently been saying for weeks that she doesn't want to go. Things are being organised during the half term by her friends that she really wants to go, seeing as she hardly sees them during term time. She also has a large pile of work which is building up because she's just started A-Levels and they've been told that there will be a big project over the half term which won't be feasible for her to complete abroad.

She isn't behaving badly over this at all. She says it in a sad tone and does understand the potential disappointment. There's no stamping of feet or anything.

I'm torn - make her go or accept that she's 17 in a month and respect her decision not to go? I remember holidaying in the US around her age and I hated it. I was just too old for the type of holiday and I really, really missed my friends and felt very left out. I still remember the frustration, boredom and resentment! Like her, I'd struggled socially for quite a while and this period of time was very precious to me.

I'm totally split here. What to do?????

Having just lived through DD taking 4 A levels I can say that if at any point we had tried to take her away with her study materials we would have needed another suitcase just for the books, files and folders involved. Use of a laptop was just one, small, part of the study involved.

I love that people are suggesting she can just take herself off to study, when she needs to. It’s a large family holiday with lots of kids. What is the realistic likelihood that she’d be left in peace, by the children?

I had a holiday with my Sil and her kids, while studying for a degree. The kids were constantly pestering me, even though I was only trying to get a couple of hours study a day and spent plenty of time with them.

In a fairly ridiculous manner, at my younger dd's school, they routinely hand out iPads to all Year 7 and 8's for two years to use in class and for their homework. My Year 7 dd is very responsible but I imagine lots of the others aren't! In fact, they've just got back from a week in France with the school and one boy did drop his in a rock pool! Anyway, I digress.

I don’t understand people feeling the need to explain why their children have IPads, or Macs, or laptops. At the school my grandchildren go to the children are using IPads from grade 1 as part of their school day. They can bought via the school at a reduced price but parents can also buy them independently - it’s not unusual for children to have them already.

I don't think it matters whether she has an iPad, a laptop or her own personal monk to provide hand illuminated notes. There is a lot more to effective study than just sitting in front of a screen.

Personal monk 🤣🤣