About 16yr old dd going on family holiday?

[alifromtheforest]

Her father and I split when she was 2. We have always had a brilliant relationship with no issues and he has gone above and beyond to be an excellent father.

His mother is about to be 70 and they're going on a big family holiday to the Maldives (about 10 of them) to celebrate. They are very wealthy and these holidays happen not infrequently. On this occasion they're going for ten days across the October half term.

Dd is almost 17 and after a rough few months has really settled socially. Holidays are the only time that she and her best friends can properly get together to hang out because they're all at separate boarding schools.

Dd really, REALLY does not want to go on this holiday. She's been saying this for weeks. I started out with the attitude of "This is a special holiday and you have the rest of your life to socialise", but from what I've heard about this holiday it's not going to be very enjoyable for her (days and events centred around her six young cousins, aged between 6 years and 3 months).

She knows the flight has been paid for (around £400) and that they will be very disappointed/angry if she doesn't go.

I'm stuck! On the one hand, she has consistently been saying for weeks that she doesn't want to go. Things are being organised during the half term by her friends that she really wants to go, seeing as she hardly sees them during term time. She also has a large pile of work which is building up because she's just started A-Levels and they've been told that there will be a big project over the half term which won't be feasible for her to complete abroad.

She isn't behaving badly over this at all. She says it in a sad tone and does understand the potential disappointment. There's no stamping of feet or anything.

I'm torn - make her go or accept that she's 17 in a month and respect her decision not to go? I remember holidaying in the US around her age and I hated it. I was just too old for the type of holiday and I really, really missed my friends and felt very left out. I still remember the frustration, boredom and resentment! Like her, I'd struggled socially for quite a while and this period of time was very precious to me.

I'm totally split here. What to do?????

Grandma will (hopefully be 71) in a year, and your dd can do something special for her then.
In the meantime she stays behind and focuses on school. She only does A levels once.

can she take a friend if there is some contribution. at that age my friends tagged along with me and I with them on family holidays. I think the adults were glad we kept ourselves enetertained

I think this is one of those occasions where you might take the opportunity to have a gentle chat with her about not saying yes to things before she has worked out if it's really what she wants.

I don't think it's really on to back out now, when the invitation accepted, expensive flights have been paid for, it's a big family occasion, and she knows she will cause hurt and offence if she doesn't go.

That being said, as she is 17 I'd stay out of it and encourage her to discuss it directly with her dad. If he feels it is possible for her to back out at this stage then perhaps he can mediate it with her grandmother and the rest of the family to minimise irritation and hurt feelings (I imagine he'd probably also have to cover the lost flights). Otherwise I'd suggest she goes, takes some revision with her, and does her best to get on with it and enjoy spending time with her family and celebrating her grandmother's big birthday.

It has been kicking off politically in Male for years, don't let that stop you. There was a full on coup whilst we were on holiday a few years ago and it was fine.

I think the key question is did they ask her before they booked. If she was given the choice and said yes, then I think she should honour that commitment and not pull out because her friends have come up with more enticing activities. If they didn't really ask her, or give her a genuine free choice, then I would support her in pulling out, but as pp have said, I would make it about the A level work, not the socialising!

Was she properly consulted before her flight was booked?

She needs to talk to her dad.

She’s d enough to deal with it. Tell her to ring her dad and explIn that she’s sorry but she has too much work on.

I would probably leave it to her to speak to her Dad if she doesn't want to go. At 17 She has to learn to express herself. If she feels unable to I'd let the holiday take it's course but make sure she is aware that she now has a right to make some choices and decisions but the importance of speaking up early.

I wouldn't jump in and sort it out for her at this age.

If she does go she can whatsapp her friends all day long. Our (younger) teen spent a huge amount of our holiday sending ridiculous photos to his friends and complaining about us!

I think it’s up to her and her dad to sort (not your decision) though I think she should go as it’s quite possibly the last family holiday she will attend. If she doesn’t want to go then she should discus the options with her dad.

She needs to sort it out with her dad if she doesn't want to go, that's the only way it can be resolved.

She should speak to him, otherwise she will have to go. It's not on you to sort it now that she's 17.

If there are seriously return flights to the Maldives for £400 then please find out who with. Most holidays to the Maldives are package type ones and will be starting at £4000 not £400. There are not really activities there that are suitable for 3 months to 6 year olds.

I agree there is nothing much to do for young children apart from a kid's club. A 16 year old will be bored useless if they are not into swimming and snorkelling. Plus the weather can be dodgy in October meaning there is even less to do.

Even if the flight was only £400, that only gets you to the airport. Transport to the islands themselves is very expensive, almost as expensive as that flight. It's around that price for a seaplane transfer, speedboat is slightly cheaper.

sulflower For dc under 14 there is a huge amount to do for younger children. Swimming in the sea and pools, sandcastle and beach games, catching hermit crabs and building hermit homes. Child friendly sailing to see the wild dolphins and their babies. Many islands have movies under the stars for the children on big bean bags in the evening. Lots of authentic bands and music for dancing on the beach in the evenings. Not to mention the beautiful beaches, tennis, sports on island and off island. It is amazing for children if you choose a family island (and there is a huge choice)

For children you could hardly choose a better destination in terms of fun and beauty, but it is a very very long journey! :)

(days and events centred around her six young cousins, aged between 6 years and 3 months)

Not an obvious destination for little ones. Their parents aren't going to have the most relaxing time.

Also, as a PP said, October is rainy season. A friend of mine had the most amazing honeymoon booked for the Maldives in October and had to cancel because of that.

I would leave it to her to sort out with her dad. If she's old enough to decide she doesn't want to go, then she's old enough to deal with it herself. It will be one of those pesky life lessons for her

If flight were really only 400 I’ll eat my hat.
Also, people don’t book flight only to the Maldives, I expect money has almost certainly been paid for accommodation. Especially for so many people travelling. Islands just don’t have that availability. So way more that 400 will be lost.
All that aside, it’s really not your decision. It’s for her and her father. She needs to be speaking to him, and you need to be telling her they need to agree together. Especially if she’d previosuly said she’d go (assume she did and they didn’t just book it?)
If it’s really only 400? And if money isn’t a problem, can’t the friend go with her??!! Just an idea!

She is fully apprised of the facts, so it's her choice. She's made it, and your role is to support it.

@alifromtheforest I'd ask if she can take a friend with her, at that age my parents always added a friend on to our holidays for both me and my brother, so that we didn't bother them as much I expect, and extra eyes for our younger siblings.

Presumably she agreed to go originally?

I assume a lot of people change details to avoid being recognised so it could be the Maldives, it could be Skegness!

For a 16 yr old there isn't a great deal to do in the Maldives beyond snorkelling, swimming and water sports. My teens are just growing tired of it now.
Only on MN.

Also, as a PP said, October is rainy season. A friend of mine had the most amazing honeymoon booked for the Maldives in October and had to cancel because of that.

One year we went at the very end of October and there were people just leaving who had had 2 solid weeks of rain, one was a honeymoon couple, they were gutted.

@Snowymountainsalways not every single island has those facilities, a lot don't. There are over 100 island resorts and as for off island activities it again depends where the island is, the weather for sailing (October is not the best time). We have tended to go for smaller less child friendly resorts, I'm not saying they are not out there but choosing a resort to suit everyone's needs isn't easy. I'm not sure many of the activities you listed would be appreciated by a 16 year old. We don't know which island the family have chosen or its facilities.

Definitely don't make her go - A-levels and her irreplaceable personal time take priority over pleasing some distant relatives on a dull trip.

sulflower I don't think granny is going to choose one of the islands without facilities unless she wants half the family to up and leave on week one. It is safe to say they have chosen a bigger island with something that everyone will enjoy.

October is a great time to see the whales in the Maldives, and the rainy season usually just means a few short sharp showers at night or early morning. I have never heard of two weeks of solid rain how unlucky.