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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is my sister? Money gifted from parents

239 replies

R0sesandTulips · 16/09/2018 17:02

My mum and stepdad have had a flat for years which they’ve rented out with the view that sometime after my sister and I finished uni they’d sell it and split the money equally between us (there’s just us two) to ideally help us with a house deposit. Which of course is absolutely amazingly generous.

Due to circumstances my mum and stepdad hadn’t to keep he flat for a few more years (they had lovely tenants with school age kids who they didn’t want to turf out and tenants couldn’t afford to buy at that point so waited until they were able). Of course this is absolutely fine, their flat, their decision. Although my sister was quite vocal in how displeased she was she wasn’t getting the money right then (she’s a year younger and had been right out of uni ) and was fed up that she had to start renting somewhere.

Fast forward to now and the tenants are in a position to buy and my mum and stepdad are excited to be able to give us both sizeable amounts (talking about £110k ish each, incredibly generous) to help with deposits.

The problem my sister now has with this is that I live in a cheaper part of the UK and that money would go a lot further and perhaps even allow me to be mortgage free (I’ve been living in house shares and saving a deposit of my own for 6ish years) whereas where my sister and her DP want to buy it would be a sizeable drop in the total cost, but they would still have a fairly big mortgage).

My sister has rented a flat since second year of uni and has no savings (prefers to spend on a nice flat and holidays etc, again that’s her choice and I don’t judge her for it because everyone’s different.

My sister has started saying that instead of the money being split equally my parents should do it proportionally. I.e if they want to buy a £300k house she should get the £100k and I should get money proportionate to ge house I’m buying. Houses I’m looking at are in the range of £95-120k) so £30-40k. Then split the rest of the money left between us for furnishing and decorating.

My sister is very vocal and had cut off contact with us all for various things in the past that she’s annoyed about I can tell my parents are really worrying about what would happen if they go ahead and gift us both equal amounts.

I don’t want to be grabby as they absolutely don’t have to give either of us any money and I’m so very grateful for the offer. I’m thinking about just accepting what my sister wants to do and doing it that way but I don’t actually think it’s fair.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit cheeky and I’m being penalised for wanting to buy where property is cheaper and for having savings of my own.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 16/09/2018 17:04

Yep she's being cheeky. She can move somewhere cheaper if she wants her money to go further.

C0untDucku1a · 16/09/2018 17:04

Omg she is being incredibly cheeky!!!!

Jimdandy · 16/09/2018 17:04

She’s being unreasonable.

The money should be split equally. Her life choices and where she chooses to live is down to her.

She’s being extremely greedy

namechanged0983 · 16/09/2018 17:04

Let her cut you all off then she gets nothing. Why can't she be grateful for getting something at all? If that was my sister I'd be pulling her aside for a strong talking too. Your poor parents.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 16/09/2018 17:04

Shock your sister is being very U

Part of my job is advising on lifetime gifts so I know what the usual is, and what the unusual is. What your sister is suggesting isn’t even unusual- I’ve never heard it even proposed. What properties you are looking at isn’t at all relevant as far as I can see.

Sirzy · 16/09/2018 17:04

Your sister is a grabby cow!

KanielOutis · 16/09/2018 17:04

She is being very unreasonable. She could always move if she wants a cheaper house. Can she even get a mortgage for the difference in what she wants straight out of uni?

7yo7yo · 16/09/2018 17:04

It’s up to your parents and it’s teally lovely of them but I’d tell them that the money should be shared equally as yours and your sisters life choices and decisions aren’t relevant in this.
They should actually say to your sister it will be equal otherwise you’ll get nothing but it doesn’t sound like they will.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/09/2018 17:04

I hope your parents tell her to get to fuck.

venys · 16/09/2018 17:05

Your sister is a CF and YABU. You should both get equal amounts of money,

m00rfarm · 16/09/2018 17:05

easy - if she does not want the money, then she does not have to take it! She is either grateful or has nothing.

EggysMom · 16/09/2018 17:05

Yep, I would agree that she's being the CF. It's her choice to live and work in a more expensive area of the country, her choice to spend money rather than have savings.

Your parents need to stand up to her. But I suspect there's a history of not doing so ...

iamawoman · 16/09/2018 17:06

Say you are also buying somewhere worth 300k !

Aridane · 16/09/2018 17:06

Yes - sister is a CF!

venys · 16/09/2018 17:06

Sorry meant YANBU

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 16/09/2018 17:06

If I were a parent to you two then you'd be getting the entire lot and I'd be telling her to get on her bike!

NamelessEnsign · 16/09/2018 17:06

That’s bonkers! In my family there would never be any discussion and the money would be shared 50-50. Unless one of us was a greedy bugger, and then there would probably be nothing for either of us!

gggrrrargh · 16/09/2018 17:07

She is not being fair. She is one of those people who is looking a gift horse in the mouth, how lucky she is to get such a big deposit at all! She should be reminded of that regularly!

mummmy2017 · 16/09/2018 17:07

Please stand up for yourself.
Just say no. This is not fair.
That we both get equal and spend how we want...

Gazelda · 16/09/2018 17:08

I'd be telling her that she's being grabby. You've made different life choices, and this it's where it's lead you. She's being rude to her parents, and her past behaviour (cutting off family) has made them fearful of displeasing her - which smacks of blackmail.
The right thing is obviously to split the gift 50/50 if it's what your parents still want to do. The ball is in her court to accept whatever generous gift they make. But it would be difficult to forgive her if she insisted in the arrangement she is suggesting.

R0sesandTulips · 16/09/2018 17:08

She is being very unreasonable. She could always move if she wants a cheaper house. Can she even get a mortgage for the difference in what she wants straight out of uni?

Oh this was her when my parents decided they weren’t selling for a bit, we’re now 4 and 5 years out of uni. She has a good, preffesional job and her DP is well off (I expect they’d get a parental contribution from his parents too. It’s just really shocked me and I’m glad it’s not me reacting selfishly

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 16/09/2018 17:09

I think your sister is the most CF I’ve heard of!
Perhaps suggest you’re looking to relocate to an expensive area too Wink

DowntonCrabby · 16/09/2018 17:09

Well she’s an entitled little greedy madam isn’t she?!

I really hope your parents see sense and go with the original plan to split equally.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2018 17:09

YANBU for thinking she’s being childish, ridiculous and very entitled. Hopefully your parents agree!

Thatssomebadhatharry · 16/09/2018 17:09

Of course it is not fair. Where she lives is a choice. If you decide to buy a bigger house in the area do you get more? I really hope your parents are not considering this. She is a brat and should not be pandered too. I think you should make it clear to your parents that you are very greatful and don’t expect anything but if they do choose to give you money it should be equal. Or they may go along with it for the sake of pacifying you sister.

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