AIBU or is my sister? Money gifted from parents

[R0sesandTulips]

My mum and stepdad have had a flat for years which they’ve rented out with the view that sometime after my sister and I finished uni they’d sell it and split the money equally between us (there’s just us two) to ideally help us with a house deposit. Which of course is absolutely amazingly generous.

Due to circumstances my mum and stepdad hadn’t to keep he flat for a few more years (they had lovely tenants with school age kids who they didn’t want to turf out and tenants couldn’t afford to buy at that point so waited until they were able). Of course this is absolutely fine, their flat, their decision. Although my sister was quite vocal in how displeased she was she wasn’t getting the money right then (she’s a year younger and had been right out of uni ) and was fed up that she had to start renting somewhere.

Fast forward to now and the tenants are in a position to buy and my mum and stepdad are excited to be able to give us both sizeable amounts (talking about £110k ish each, incredibly generous) to help with deposits.

The problem my sister now has with this is that I live in a cheaper part of the UK and that money would go a lot further and perhaps even allow me to be mortgage free (I’ve been living in house shares and saving a deposit of my own for 6ish years) whereas where my sister and her DP want to buy it would be a sizeable drop in the total cost, but they would still have a fairly big mortgage).

My sister has rented a flat since second year of uni and has no savings (prefers to spend on a nice flat and holidays etc, again that’s her choice and I don’t judge her for it because everyone’s different.

My sister has started saying that instead of the money being split equally my parents should do it proportionally. I.e if they want to buy a £300k house she should get the £100k and I should get money proportionate to ge house I’m buying. Houses I’m looking at are in the range of £95-120k) so £30-40k. Then split the rest of the money left between us for furnishing and decorating.

My sister is very vocal and had cut off contact with us all for various things in the past that she’s annoyed about I can tell my parents are really worrying about what would happen if they go ahead and gift us both equal amounts.

I don’t want to be grabby as they absolutely don’t have to give either of us any money and I’m so very grateful for the offer. I’m thinking about just accepting what my sister wants to do and doing it that way but I don’t actually think it’s fair.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit cheeky and I’m being penalised for wanting to buy where property is cheaper and for having savings of my own.

[paperbattles]

You could say you are a year older, and have had to wait a year longer in your life, so you should be entitled to an extra year's interest on the money! I mean this could go on and on. What happens if you or her move, what happens if she wins the lottery, what happens if she has more children...
Actually legally - is this to be a gift or a loan? either way you need to document it. Maybe seeing the unfairness in writing might clarify things or you could suggest you both receive the same amount as a gift, and then your sister is loaned the extra, with interest paid.

[puffyisgood]

sister being vvvvu.

equal shares isn't always fair - if one side has much less money coming in then it might make sense to let them have more. but only might - equal shares are much cleaner & there should usually be a presumption in favour of this that's only rebuttable in extreme circumstances.

to give more based on what seem like avoidable higher outgoings - nah, forget it.

[scarbados]

She's being a CF. My dad died and left his money equally to me and my brother. I bought a flat in an area with cheap housing available and had money left in the bank. My brother spent his on a deposit on a lovely cottage in Premiershop Footballerland and still has a mortgage. He could easily have bought a home in a cheaper area, on the same level as mine. But he's where he wanted to be, which doesn't stop him hinting that I should let him have some of the money I saved.

He can carry on hinting as often as he likes. I've developed selective deafness ...

[ItWentInMyEye]

Yanbu! She's a right CF!

[hdh747]

And if circumstances change and you suddenly need more money is your sister going to cough up some of her share to make it fair.

I think your sister needs a lesson in making choices according to what she has not what she thinks she should have (at someone else's expense).

Your sister is being a spoiled brat and would benefit far more from someone being firm and fair with her than from the extra money.

Please do show your parents/sister this thread. I doubt they will find many supporters for your sister's viewpoint however long it gets.

[Beetlegum]

Perhaps you could suggest that if your parents’ very generous gift isn’t enough for her, then perhaps they keep the flat rented out for longer and then split the money later down the line when she’s had chance to save some money to add to the deposit. Bet she changes her tune sharpish once she thinks she’s not going to get a bean right now!

[Pebblesandfriends]

I would keep out of it other than to comment to your mum that she's been on your case, and separately to your sister that you've seen an amazing £400,000 property that your 50% share of the money would be a great deposit on and watch her react

[Cornishclio]

If I were your mum I would split it equally for several reasons. First you don't have a partner and your greedy sister does so she can get a bigger mortgage as there are two of them. House prices are more expensive in the south east. Salaries are also usually higher. If your parents give you £70k and your sister £150k then this will also be gifted to her partner if they split.

I hope they don't give in to the bullying sister.

[kateandme]

im surprised your parents are even thinking on this.if I said this to mine they would laugh in my face thinking im joking.which we would be because this is a ridiculous things to ask.eqaul is equal.hard if you live in different parts.but then you discuss,maybe even moan about cost differentce in different parts of the country but you do that together as a unit.you never then ask for more money because of this.

[FullOfNothing]

Your sister sounds selfish, greedy, and manipulative. She chose to live somewhere expensive, you shouldn't be penalised over her poor choice. She should just be fucking grateful.

[hdh747]

^In this house, such behaviour would be dealt with as follows:

DC behaving with manners and maturity would receive their gift in full (half the money).
DC behaving like an oversized toddler would be informed that their gift would be waiting for them once they had grown up.^

^^ THIS perfect

[Momo18]

Yep she's cheeky and entitled tbh. She chooses to live in a more expensive area, yes it costs more but ultimately she has a more valuable house for it.

She's bloody lucky to get anything, I have had zero.

[Rebecca36]

She is being flipping cheeky. Honestly!

Splitting the money down the middle is absolutely right, it's nothing to do with you or your parents where she chooses to live, not your fault she will buy less for her money. That's how it goes..

I am delighted for you btw.

[tribpot]

im surprised your parents are even thinking on this

OP has said of her parents they love her, as do I and don’t want to be cut off again - basically they're thinking about going through with this because OP's sister is emotionally blackmailing them.

I really hope they don't give in. I suspect that she is going to play the 'I will go NC' card every time she doesn't get her way, until eventually she will go NC anyway, despite all the generosity. It sounds as if she made their lives hell during her teenage years and has just graduated to the next level now she's (ostensibly) grown up.

[EarlyModernParent]

You could suggest to your parents that giving in to this will only encourage more outrageous requests/demands in the future.

[Redglitter]

You'd be worse than daft if you agreed to it. She's got some cheek even suggesting it

[WineAndTiramisu]

Tell her you've thought about it and are now looking at around the 500k price bracket, so actually you'll need more now

[JohnHunter]

Your parents should sell the flat, give you half, and then invest the remaining £110k in their own retirement.

[Iloveacurry]

She’s a CF! Equal amounts.

[Justabouthadituptohere]

YANBU!! Your sister is a CF!!

[LouHotel]

I really hope your parents dont cave. Eventually I imagine your sister will retire to a cheaper part of the country and if her parents buy her a London home she'll do so with significantly more equity than you.

It would be incrediably insensitive of your parents to do this and will affect your relationship with them.

[SunnyCoco]

She is behaving outrageously

It should be 50/50

However it sounds like this attitude and behaviour has been enabled and rewarded in the past so I’m sure she’ll be expecting everyone to roll over again

Your poor mom

[clyde5591]

YRNBU - your sister is being either greedy or influenced by her partner.

Parents should not say or offer things to children when they maybe do not mean it or follow though - they may mean it as in the future as this seems to be the case.

It seems to me as an older person - if your parents have promised it equally then go with that BUT remember its only a promise.

[Sparklyfee]

Well if the dream is to self build eventually, just move that forward to now! Or tell her that's what you're doing

[OftenHangry]

That's not even cheeky. That's a different level