AIBU or is my sister? Money gifted from parents

[R0sesandTulips]

My mum and stepdad have had a flat for years which they’ve rented out with the view that sometime after my sister and I finished uni they’d sell it and split the money equally between us (there’s just us two) to ideally help us with a house deposit. Which of course is absolutely amazingly generous.

Due to circumstances my mum and stepdad hadn’t to keep he flat for a few more years (they had lovely tenants with school age kids who they didn’t want to turf out and tenants couldn’t afford to buy at that point so waited until they were able). Of course this is absolutely fine, their flat, their decision. Although my sister was quite vocal in how displeased she was she wasn’t getting the money right then (she’s a year younger and had been right out of uni ) and was fed up that she had to start renting somewhere.

Fast forward to now and the tenants are in a position to buy and my mum and stepdad are excited to be able to give us both sizeable amounts (talking about £110k ish each, incredibly generous) to help with deposits.

The problem my sister now has with this is that I live in a cheaper part of the UK and that money would go a lot further and perhaps even allow me to be mortgage free (I’ve been living in house shares and saving a deposit of my own for 6ish years) whereas where my sister and her DP want to buy it would be a sizeable drop in the total cost, but they would still have a fairly big mortgage).

My sister has rented a flat since second year of uni and has no savings (prefers to spend on a nice flat and holidays etc, again that’s her choice and I don’t judge her for it because everyone’s different.

My sister has started saying that instead of the money being split equally my parents should do it proportionally. I.e if they want to buy a £300k house she should get the £100k and I should get money proportionate to ge house I’m buying. Houses I’m looking at are in the range of £95-120k) so £30-40k. Then split the rest of the money left between us for furnishing and decorating.

My sister is very vocal and had cut off contact with us all for various things in the past that she’s annoyed about I can tell my parents are really worrying about what would happen if they go ahead and gift us both equal amounts.

I don’t want to be grabby as they absolutely don’t have to give either of us any money and I’m so very grateful for the offer. I’m thinking about just accepting what my sister wants to do and doing it that way but I don’t actually think it’s fair.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit cheeky and I’m being penalised for wanting to buy where property is cheaper and for having savings of my own.

[GlitterRollerSkate]

Haven't you always dreamed of owning a massive farm house surrounded by rolling hills? They don't come cheap even in Scotland

[Aria2015]

She's been unreasonable. What if you want to move to a more expensive area in future? She’ll have benefited greatly and you much less so. I'm not always for treating children the same but in this instance I think it should be split 50/50.

[Ariclock]

I would definitely speak to your mum otherwise she might think that you're ok with this. Don't let your sister get her own way. I imagine that she would have no qualms in lying and saying that you have agreed with her regarding her proposed split so make it clear that you do not.

[AnythingButMagnolia]

YANBU.

If your sister is so bothered about the difference in house prices she could always move.

[AJPTaylor]

Jeez.
The only time i heard anything like it was when someone i know gave their kids vastly different sums for first flat deposits. But that was 10 years apart and the sams perecentage of the same type/location of flat. So that was actually very fair, bearing in mind the huge increase in prices.
Your sister deserves not a penny.

[Thingywhatsit]

Wow - she is definitely acting like an entitled spoilt child.

What a horrid position she has put your mum into when she is doing this lovely gesture. I hope she doesn't go for a quiet life and goes for something other than a 50/50 split as that will just be the start of a horrid precedent for the rest of your lives. Could you imagine what she would come up with next?

I am lucky in that my parents are now pretty comfortable and do help me out financially (mostly so that their grandkids get to experience trips/hobbies that I can't afford). I am the poor sibling, renting, single with two kids, live hand to mouth compared to my brother, married both on 6 figure incomes and a million pound house. However I always ask them to gift similar amounts to my sibling as I don't want him to resent the fact that my kids or me get gifted more. They recently gifted us 4K each, mine went on paying back a debt to them and a new tumble dryer as I was struggling to keep up with the washing whilst working full time. my sibling went on yet another holiday with it. Never once did it cross my mind that it should be split any different to 50/50.

[FlipnTwist]

i feeel so sorry for your parents , trying to do a lovey thing and then all this kicksoff. If thy give you equal they get it in the neck from one daughter, if they give your sis more then you are pissed off.
If I were them I wouldj just shelve the whole plan

[slithytove]

Just look at more expensive houses - might as well if this is your first purchase, you’ll save on the stamp duty and moving costs in the long run. 110k is a brilliant deposit for a 300k house

[chillpizza]

If she’s willing to go non contact over not getting more than 50% she would likely cut your mum off for some other reason in the future anyway even if she got 100%.

[R0sesandTulips]

Haven't you always dreamed of owning a massive farm house surrounded by rolling hills? They don't come cheap even in Scotland grin

That is the dream one day! I want to self build somewhere in Kintyre but for now I need to be fairly close to Glasgow for work, but don’t want to be in Glasgow iyswim. Most houses the size I need in surrounding towns just aren’t hat expensive. And I don’t want to be rattling round in 4 beds on my own.

Thank you to everyone who’s replied though. I’ll definitely try and speak to my mum about it, I was just afraid of coming across as grabby myself. Nothings been finalised at all yet and I know they’ll be taking to the lawyer first bc of all the legalities of it. I also think that honestly it’ll just be easier and less stress to split the money equally. Especially if one of us decides to buy before the other. It would cause mountains of problems

[RandomMess]

Start looking at the nicest bits of Glasgow the housing really isn't that cheap!

[R0sesandTulips]

i feeel so sorry for your parents , trying to do a lovey thing and then all this kicksoff. If thy give you equal they get it in the neck from one daughter, if they give your sis more then you are pissed off.
If I were them I wouldj just shelve the whole plan

I would absolutely not be pissed off with my parents. It’s their money to do what they choose with. It’s the manipulation I’m bothered about and I would be pissed off at my sister for ruining this lovely gesture that’s been planned but my parents for over a decade. If they decided to give neither of us any money that would also be fine with me. Less likely, I expect, with my sister

[Sciurus83]

Your sister is horrendous! There is nothing to stop her buying a house in Surrey, then in a few years moving to Scotland and buying that (theoretical) nice big farmhouse next door to you that you couldn't afford because she took all the money! How self centred she must be.

[DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy]

How awful for your lovely parents that they have such a horrible daughter. I bet they're glad they have nice, sensible R0sesandTulips as well. I doubt this will end well - your parents will act fairly, your sister will act like a spoilt, evil cow and your parents' incredibly generous gift will be tarnished by her behaviour.


But @Roses, make sure you get your half and make sure you buy a house you love and make sure you do a fabulous job of showing how grateful you are to your folks. Your sister can be a dreadful grabber if she wants - but you and your mum and dad can be a delightful circle of loveliness.

[Barchester]

I agree completely that the money should be split 50/50. It is your choice as to where you want to live and that you will be mortgage free or almost mortgage-free. If your sister chooses to live in a more expensive area, that is her choice and she is lucky that she will get such a large sum as a contribution.

I am a solicitor and I have NEVER come across a situation where clients making gifts to their children have divided the money based on the prices of houses in the areas where their children wanted to live.

You should speak to your mother and tell her how very unfair it would be to you if your sister received more than you did. If seems that your stepfather also feels this, so I hope that he can persuade your mother of the folly and unfairness of your sister's proposal.

[Mumsneck]

I don't understand parents who live in fear of their offspring like this and there's usually (like someone rightly said upthread) a long backstory of this. Greedy, selfish dc pandered to time and time again. Wrecking relationships not only with their own siblings but between siblings and their parents. Nothing is ever enough.

OP's sister needs to be taught a hard lesson. This is not a CF, this is a very greedy, self-centered and embittered personality that needs to be handled sharply and abruptly. You shut up or you get nothing!

[Namechangeforthiscancershit]

But that was 10 years apart and the sams perecentage of the same type/location of flat. So that was actually very fair

Agreed, no issue with this as what they were giving was equal just in a different way, not trying to balance out totally different life choices.

[Ironmanrocks]

Gosh, I think if I were the parent I would put her half in trust and not let her have it until she had grown up a bit. Awful behaviour.

[Ironmanrocks]

Also, the money on her house worth will grow proportionally to the area - so your house will never make more if you see what I mean? So technically you need more money.

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

I mean there’s cheeky fuckery and then there’s this. She’s outrageous.

I’m going to be honest I couldn’t stay in contact with such a selfish grabby cow. She’s prepared to fuck you over just so she can get a bit more cupboard space in her Surrey mansion.

I feel for your mum. She sounds awesome. But she must realise this is unbelievably cheeky.

Don’t let her get away with this. It will never stop. She’ll strop and stamp her feet. Let her.

I’ve just seen my aunt massively do one over my poor frail blind uncle. She feels entitled to it. She’s always been this way and no ones pulled her up on it. Despite looking after their mum for the last ten years of her life my aunts just effectively taken his home away from him and his entire life savings.

[HollowTalk]

I think your sister should contribute part of her wages to you, given she earns more.

[StoneofDestiny]

Your sister is a CF! If there is any danger her whims are being listened to I'd float the idea that you are looking to move to London in the future/Surrey/Cotswolds in the future.
(Or the seriously expensive areas of Glasgow, Edinburgh or near them. Plenty of 'millionaires only need apply' areas exist there too.) nobody knows what the future will hold or how fortunes can change overnight.

[Gushpanka]

Get a big propery of the same value which is converted to flats and rent out one of them. That'll pay off the mortgage but sister can't complain that you've bought a lower value property.

[Cagliostro]

What a grabby cow and sounds like she always has been.

[madeoficecream]

Your sister is batshit insane