AIBU or is my sister? Money gifted from parents

[R0sesandTulips]

My mum and stepdad have had a flat for years which they’ve rented out with the view that sometime after my sister and I finished uni they’d sell it and split the money equally between us (there’s just us two) to ideally help us with a house deposit. Which of course is absolutely amazingly generous.

Due to circumstances my mum and stepdad hadn’t to keep he flat for a few more years (they had lovely tenants with school age kids who they didn’t want to turf out and tenants couldn’t afford to buy at that point so waited until they were able). Of course this is absolutely fine, their flat, their decision. Although my sister was quite vocal in how displeased she was she wasn’t getting the money right then (she’s a year younger and had been right out of uni ) and was fed up that she had to start renting somewhere.

Fast forward to now and the tenants are in a position to buy and my mum and stepdad are excited to be able to give us both sizeable amounts (talking about £110k ish each, incredibly generous) to help with deposits.

The problem my sister now has with this is that I live in a cheaper part of the UK and that money would go a lot further and perhaps even allow me to be mortgage free (I’ve been living in house shares and saving a deposit of my own for 6ish years) whereas where my sister and her DP want to buy it would be a sizeable drop in the total cost, but they would still have a fairly big mortgage).

My sister has rented a flat since second year of uni and has no savings (prefers to spend on a nice flat and holidays etc, again that’s her choice and I don’t judge her for it because everyone’s different.

My sister has started saying that instead of the money being split equally my parents should do it proportionally. I.e if they want to buy a £300k house she should get the £100k and I should get money proportionate to ge house I’m buying. Houses I’m looking at are in the range of £95-120k) so £30-40k. Then split the rest of the money left between us for furnishing and decorating.

My sister is very vocal and had cut off contact with us all for various things in the past that she’s annoyed about I can tell my parents are really worrying about what would happen if they go ahead and gift us both equal amounts.

I don’t want to be grabby as they absolutely don’t have to give either of us any money and I’m so very grateful for the offer. I’m thinking about just accepting what my sister wants to do and doing it that way but I don’t actually think it’s fair.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit cheeky and I’m being penalised for wanting to buy where property is cheaper and for having savings of my own.

Agree with last post, buy the land now, tell them your new house well cost the equivalent of a house in Surrey,

That is awful. You don’t even have to defend your position. Your sister is totally out of order. You have no idea what your future will be or where you will have to live . It should be 50/50 . I hope your parents see sense .

You need the mention to your mum that you would never be happy with this! Just in case she goes behind your back and claims you agreed.

The reason your sister is so entitled is precisely because she makes a stink and gets her own way. Now the stakes are very high though, so she's going to make an even bigger stink. Even more vital that your mum puts her foot down and sticks to what she's said all along. If she doesn't, it confirms completely for your sister that she does deserve more than you, and she's entitled to it. And furthermore, like a toddler, if she has a tantrum she'll get what she wants.

I think your mum has made her into this brat, if she wants it to stop, she has to stop her overly generous giving first.

All your mum has to say is 'nope. I'm sticking to what I said.' On repeat or refuse to discuss it.

Personally if I were her, if my DD kicked off like that I would start reducing her share. Knock 5% off every time she brings up how unfair her own life choices are. Rolls eyes.

The part that she's missing is that you'll both get the same additional increase in property value if the money is split equally. She'll have to contribute more to buy the house she wants, but it will continue to have more value than yours. Your wealth will increase identically. That's what makes it fair.

Sharing my experience. My Nanna left a legacy of £30k to be split between me and my sister. We were both looking to buy our first property at the time.
I was buying with a well earning partner and she was single buying in London. My parents split it 50/50. They then came to me and asked if I would be upset/ offended if they gave her £5k out of their share of the legacy. I had no problem with this and agreed straight away. I knew if it circumstances had been the other way round, my sister would agree in a heartbeat.
But my sister would never have suggested this to my parents and I think this is your issue. If your sister had approached this in a different manner, then there may have been a happier outcome.
Very hard for you, OP. How much do you think this will affect future family relations? Can you afford to offer her £10k to buy harmony? And is it a price worth paying? I think only you can answer that. I feel for you and would send that flower emoji thing if I knew how!

Goodness I've never heard anything as grabby as this from your sister! If your dream is to self build can you move that forward? Is there a possibility to use the money on your selfbuild whilst you stay renting? I really hope your parents are not manipulated by this at all. My parents have been generous and gifted me some money but they always give the same to my dsis and vise versa. My mil on the other hand gives to my dh and tells him not to tell his db and vise versa. We won't acceot the gift now unless db is told. My mil thought this was weird as apparently db has accepted all sorts over the years and didn't have a problem with my dh not knowing. The problem with this is my dh doesn't believe his brother tells him the truth about anything now so it has led to some tension. I honestly don't think I could ever treat my dd and ds differently when they are older.

Don’t let you cheeky bitch sister cheat you and don’t offer her any of your money.

Your sister sounds awful. Imagine if your parents went with that suggestion, then in a few years’ time she sells up and moves to a cheaper part of the country and can then buy a house 3 times the size of yours?!

whereas where my sister and her DP want to buy

Fair enough: if they want to buy somewhere more expensive, this must be respected. Coincidentally, you need a new car as well and, whilst her Focus is obviously fine for her, you want a Lambo, so if anything, you'll 'need' significantly more than half.

She sounds amazingly immature. Somebody should sit her down and gently explain to her (using sock puppets for illustration purposes if necessary) that for everything you buy where there is a wide range of cost options, you must always first look at how much money you have and then make purchasing decisions directly in accordance with that.

However lovely it would be, it really doesn't work the other way around. Would she approach her boss and say that her salary band is clearly fine for her colleague Jane, as she buys baked beans and veg from Asda, but she (sister) will clearly need a vast pay rise, as she rather likes the idea of living daily on lobster and champagne from Waitrose - so it's obviously the only fair thing to do?

I have to say, if my dcs were behaving the way your dsis is, I wouod just decide to keep the flat for longer! Just to avoid the fight and your dsis pushing and manipulating her way to get ‘more’.

I can see how you are so annoyed to your dsis!!

Your sister is being totally grabby. I'd play her at her own game and suggest a couple of more central 2 bed flats etc.

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-67427659.html theres lots like this one £479K

Surely you need to be buying a 3 bed so your parents and sister can come and visit whenever they wish. Scotland is such a long way away after all. Also, as this will be home for the next ten years you want to buy in an area with good schools because who knows what the future holds and those houses cost more.

Or maybe you want to buy a little apartment in Spain, or a little gite in France where family can holiday so you'll need a bigger mortgage on your scottish home to achieve that.

This made me laugh, what a cheek she has!!!!!!!

My sister is very vocal and had cut off contact with us all for various things in the past that she’s annoyed about I can tell my parents are really worrying about what would happen if they go ahead and gift us both equal amounts.

So the money, or whatever else she wants, is more important to her than her family? Doesn't sound like a thought process that should be encouraged by 'reward'.

Your sister is a prize cunt.

Your sister is an absolute bitch. I would have nothing more to do with her, while your mum and stepdad sound like lovely people.
I would start looking at properties closer to your work, say Pollokshields or Bearsden or if you want to be further out what about Blanefield, Helensburgh or similar. Get lots of brochures from estate agents and send internet links to your mother. You may, in the future, have to move to London so it is important that you buy in the property bracket that will allow you to sell up and buy in London when the need arises and on which inflation will also be similar.
In addition to explaining this to your mother and stepdad also tell them how truly grateful you are that they are giving you such a generous gift of helping you onto the property ladder.
Do not lie down and let your sister walk over you and get her way. It will eat away at you for evermore and ruin both the relationship with your sister AND your mum and stepdad. If it is suggested you will be left more in their wills to make up for the unequal division have your ammunition ready to prove that say £100k today is worth way more than £100k in the dim and distant future.
Explain your sister is blackmailing them to treat her preferentially simply because of her life choices.

I am furious on your behalf.

Can you afford to offer her £10k to buy harmony?

You have got to be kidding? 🙄 The OP’s DIS has no issue with taking from OP’s fair share so she can have more for herself but you are still advising OP to volunteer £10k just to keep the peace? OP’s DIS doesn’t give a shit about her and doesn’t deserve more than OP.

This thread is making me very nervous. OP your sister is being awful. I hope to God they tell her where to go!

Just tell them you are now looking at giant mansions and so deserve even more money than your sister!

Very hard for you, OP. How much do you think this will affect future family relations? Can you afford to offer her £10k to buy harmony? And is it a price worth paying?

Sorry, but I vehemently disagree. Doing this, especially as the sister has now made it clear what she expects as rightfully hers rather than just lamenting the situation that her share won't buy as much, would just serve to pander to her outrageous selfishness and validate her belief that she was right all along. If anything, if the OP tries to show kindness by offering an extra £10K out of goodwill, the sister may well see this simply as the opening of negotiations: "I'm glad you've shown that you understand the fairness in my needing more, however your calculations are wrong as the differential in property prices means that I'll need more like three quarters of the money, so you'll need to give me more than that."

CFs with this kind of attitude are NEVER grateful for what people kindly offer them. They count on other people being too reasonable (and embarrassed) to want to pull them up on their crass unreasonableness and the more they're given, the more they feel entitled to push for. They usually figure that, because they wouldn't dream of ever giving anything, the fact that you ARE offering to give is proof that you already have loads/too much - and, if anything, they're doing YOU a favour by helping you feel less guilty for having your perceived abundance.

Just tell your parents the you really appreciate their help with buying a property. Also that you're happy that they've made it fair by splitting it in the middle, so there's so cause for any future fall outs between you and your sister.

Gosh! I don't think I'd mind at all if she went NC. She doesn't sound like she is a very nice person TBH.

I've never been gifted anything !

If she doesn't realise how lucky she is, she doesn't deserve to have you or your DParents.

Entitled, grabby, cheeky, nasty cow! Sorry but honestly that's just appalling behaviour!

Very hard for you, OP. How much do you think this will affect future family relations? Can you afford to offer her £10k to buy harmony? And is it a price worth paying?

Id rather keep the £10k and go no contact with such a selfish, ungrateful person.