AIBU or is my sister? Money gifted from parents

[R0sesandTulips]

My mum and stepdad have had a flat for years which they’ve rented out with the view that sometime after my sister and I finished uni they’d sell it and split the money equally between us (there’s just us two) to ideally help us with a house deposit. Which of course is absolutely amazingly generous.

Due to circumstances my mum and stepdad hadn’t to keep he flat for a few more years (they had lovely tenants with school age kids who they didn’t want to turf out and tenants couldn’t afford to buy at that point so waited until they were able). Of course this is absolutely fine, their flat, their decision. Although my sister was quite vocal in how displeased she was she wasn’t getting the money right then (she’s a year younger and had been right out of uni ) and was fed up that she had to start renting somewhere.

Fast forward to now and the tenants are in a position to buy and my mum and stepdad are excited to be able to give us both sizeable amounts (talking about £110k ish each, incredibly generous) to help with deposits.

The problem my sister now has with this is that I live in a cheaper part of the UK and that money would go a lot further and perhaps even allow me to be mortgage free (I’ve been living in house shares and saving a deposit of my own for 6ish years) whereas where my sister and her DP want to buy it would be a sizeable drop in the total cost, but they would still have a fairly big mortgage).

My sister has rented a flat since second year of uni and has no savings (prefers to spend on a nice flat and holidays etc, again that’s her choice and I don’t judge her for it because everyone’s different.

My sister has started saying that instead of the money being split equally my parents should do it proportionally. I.e if they want to buy a £300k house she should get the £100k and I should get money proportionate to ge house I’m buying. Houses I’m looking at are in the range of £95-120k) so £30-40k. Then split the rest of the money left between us for furnishing and decorating.

My sister is very vocal and had cut off contact with us all for various things in the past that she’s annoyed about I can tell my parents are really worrying about what would happen if they go ahead and gift us both equal amounts.

I don’t want to be grabby as they absolutely don’t have to give either of us any money and I’m so very grateful for the offer. I’m thinking about just accepting what my sister wants to do and doing it that way but I don’t actually think it’s fair.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit cheeky and I’m being penalised for wanting to buy where property is cheaper and for having savings of my own.

[barleyreed]

Totally crazy! Surely splitting it equally is absolutely the fairest way and more importantly what your parents wished to do. What if she and her DP moved to a cheaper area they would suddenly be mortgage free?!

[WhateverHappenedToTheHeatwave]

She is being a cf. She would probably take more, sell and probably get a large equity and then move somewhere cheaper.

Equal split is fair. She can move if she doesn't like it. When shd trades in years down the line, she may end up with more equity then you. Is she planning to give you a % of it?

I echo other posters with NC sounding good!

[TheCag]

I have a sister like yours op. We were gifted deposits (much smaller than yours), she felt she deserved more as she had less money of her own than me. She’s always been quite hedonistic and spent rather than saved in her 20’s and early 30’s. We saved our own deposit. Long story short, she bullied my parents and ended up getting double what I was given. (We live in the same area, houses of similar value, bought about 12 months apart).

I spend time with her a bit and try to get along but her bullying and grabbyness really bothers me. Dh wouldn’t even go near them for a couple years.

[Gersemi]

Her logic is that, because her choice is to live somewhere expensive, she should get the larger share. On that basis, she cannot possibly object if you choose to buy a mansion in Edinburgh and claim your right to the biggest portion. Tell her that that is what you are planning to do. As soon as she starts complaining that she shouldn't be prejudiced because you choose such an expensive property, point out that she didn't think that way when she chose to go expensive.

[BabySharkAteMyHamster]

Don't you bloody dare bow down to that spoilt brat. If it isnt that there will be something else she'll be kicking off over. Her choice to live beyond her means really is not your problem.

[Gersemi]

It's also worth pointing out to your sister that the strong likelihood is that her Surrey property will rise in value much quicker than anything in Scotland, therefore you should get a larger share to compensate you for that.

[FlamingJuno]

People like OPs DSiS aren't capable of understanding "fair". I imagine that if she tried hard enough, she'd be able to convince herself that it's not really "fair" for OP to get anything at all given that she has some savings of her own probably sufficient to cover a deposit on an adequate house in Scotland.
Parents need to grow a pair and declare it's 50/50 or nothing. Take it or leave it, accepting that she'll probably take it and then cut them off anyway. What a cow.

[ImaginaryCat]

I'm in your parents' position, OP. I inherited a house which I rent out, and will one day sell to provide my DCs with a deposit. Let me tell you now if one of my kids starts talking like your sister, they can fuck right off. I'll be spending their share on a yacht for myself.

[7yo7yo]

Your parents sound lovely but weak op.
I have a feeling you will all roll over and she will get what she wants.

[dreamyflower]

She sounds like an awful person.

[BabySharkAteMyHamster]

And start looking at more expensive houses in glasgow. There's plenty of them. Then buy something dirt cheap with the money.

[Ignoramusgiganticus]

I so hope that your mum doesn't give in to her manipulation. It's so not fair.

[7salmonswimming]

I know parents who, in your parents’ shoes, would give her what she wants now and make it up to you in their will. When they’re not around to deal with the fallout.

Not saying that’s right. But some would.

[Charlie97]

WOW!!! She's one cheeky fucker!

[lisasimpsonssaxophone]

Normally I’d say that fair doesn’t always mean equal when it comes to family money. Some children do need more financial help than others due to their deferent circumstances and there’s nothing wrong with that.

However, in this case your sister is being utterly unreasonable. The area she lives in might mean she gets less for her money, but it doesn’t change the financial value of your parents’ contribution. As someone else said, if she gets 250k and you get 50k then what’s to stop her selling her expensive house in a few years and moving to a cheaper area where she can buy a huge place with the money instead?

[Oodilally]

Your sister sounds like a spoiled and entitled brat throwing a tantrum because she's not happy with what she's getting, which is an incredible gift from your parents. She should be grateful for any amount if it helps to secure a home. It's not your fault she didn't save and make plans for her future like you seem to have done, she sounds irresponsible to me and has been relying on this money coming instead of making sure she was financially secure herself. You do not deserve to be punished and receive less just because she's selfish and throwing her toys out of the pram, you should put this across to your parents, it's not fair to favour one child over the other.

[Bluntness100]

Your sisters is a horrible person.l really hope your mother doesn't take the money off you and give it to her.

[Yura]

We live in the southeast, brother in law and family in the northeast. Parents in law split contributions exactly 50/50. Brother in law gets a lot more for his 50% (and a lot more for his salary - family incomes are about the same), but that’s just tough luck for us. I‘m occasionally a bit jealous as they have a 6 bedroom house that cost less than our tiny terrace, (and their childcare costs are about half of ours), but that’s hardly the PILs fault!

[DeRigueurMortis]

So she's trying to blackmail your mother into partially dis-inheriting her own sister, using the implied threat of going no contact.

She sounds appalling. As you say, putting a cloud over an extremely kind and generous offer.

Her "arguments" don't hold water. The value of the money doesn't change on the basis of what you choose to spend it on.

It's akin to saying it's not fair that my gift will only buy me one pair of shoes when my sister can buy 5 pairs - after buying a pair of Jimmy Choo's.

I really hope your mother doesn't indulge her behaviour - I find how your sister behaves very ugly and distasteful indeed.

[Bluelady]

If I were your parents my response would be: "No, I don't think so. And the matter's closed."

[luckycat007]

Aside from the fact she is a greedy selfish person, its clear cut.

Your parents had agreed to give each of you half.

Therefore, this should still be the case.

Case closed.

[UnderMajorDomoMinor]

Well with that attitude really she should go whistle. And even if it was spilt proportionately it would be proportion to her half of her costs - not hers and her partners - as you don’t have someone also contributing. And if it takes into account your savings it also needs to take into account her partners parents contribution.

She’s a massive CF but to act like it would be splitting it proportionately to take in your savings but completely ignore her partners half of her mortgage and his parents contribution. She’s taking the piss!

50:50 is the only fair way!

Or you can tell her you’re buying a buy to let in London so will need it all

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

This makes me really angry. Why is it that unreasonable people are pandered to when they're clearly in the wrong because people are worried about offending them

If she wants to do it proportionately compared to what houses you want to buy then just buy a bigger / more expensive house in a nicer area or factor in an extension.

The thing is its not dead money it's an investment. Say they split it like she wants then one day you have to move down south or want something much bigger if you had a family - would she then give back some of the cash for you to even it out? If you both downsized when you were much older she would be much better off. Also she doesn't even bloody need it if she's got a good job and her partner does as well.

The worst thing about all of this is the way she is going about it - it's one thing (cheeky) to ask, but it's really horrible to try and manipulate and threaten them into it. Especially when she doesn't need it and they are doing something so nice. I'd call her bluff and if she cuts contact, to be honest you all sound like you'd be better off

[Sweepouttheashes]

Ah op this all sounds horribly familiar. This is my SIL. I could give you a laundry list but the latest one is illustrative. Sil is a sahm by choice, so her and her Dh have less income than dh and I, who both work full time. We have kids too. Sil is also terrible with money. Dh and I are canny. Dh and I went into a property venture with my fil and my dB, as all four of us had some extra coin we wanted to invest. Sil bitched from the sidelines that property investment is amoral (we did a new build in an area of severe housing shortage). Venture went well, profit all round.
Sil put her hand out for a share
Fil paid up
Sil has a lifelong history of being pandered to by pils as everyone is scared of her tantrums. Except me, and for that reason she is nc with me. Her choice. She expected me to roll but I didnt blink.
Fil has allowed her to break up every relationship he has had since mil died (sil feels like fil is betraying mils memory and is so foul to new partners they bin fil off)
She is a nightmare and every capitulation makes her worse
Listen to the posters saying your dsis is essentially proposing your parents partly disinherit you.

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

I feel like a large part of this is that everyone is so frightened of her tantrums she gets what she wants. This will never end. This will not be the last time she tries to screw her own family.

You seem awesome. And unlikely to make a fuss. And your mum sounds awesome. And she just wants to help. You’re all so nice your sister can get away with it.

She will continue to be fucking hideous until she is stopped.

Sorry your post has made me so mad! I would be so disappointed with my mum is she bowed to her crazy demands. It’s awful