To move out because I cannot cope with adult children

[tartanpompom]

No point saying make them move out - not possible or practical.

But I need some peace, I have work at home to do and I can’t do it because am being pestered all the time.

I’m looking at places to rent. Am I insane?

They wouldn’t have anywhere to go so that’s a non starter.

Go to the council and tell them you’re not housing them anymore. They are duty bound to find suitable accommodation.

As above. The council will place them in a hostel/temp accommodation until a suitable permanent place is found. They will get housing benefit and job seekers or esa depending on their needs.

How many dc? How old? Will you be supporting them forever? What if you aren’t earning any more, what happens then? Are they educated? Can they get jobs?

Is it really not possible to create some house rules to get some personal space? I appreciate your toddler comment but if they are capable, or nearly capable, of independent living, following some house rules surely isn't beyond possible, even if it would take a while to achieve. OK you haven't carved out that personal space successfully so far, but maybe it's never been so high up the agenda as it is now - it's previously been one of the things you let slide while dealing with more urgent stuff.

You'll say I just don't get it, and maybe that's fair. I do have a HF autistic son and long practice at picking my battles.

I think you should check yourself into a premier Inn for a night or two. Get some space and sanity back as a short term measure, regroup, and then think about reorganising home life so it is kinder to you. It sound like you're desperate for a break.

I know you’re meant to be working from home, but as long as you’re not in the office I guess it’s the same thing?
If so, could you find somewhere near you that rents a desk?

OP why are you being a martyr? They can’t live independently because they're like toddlers but you can move out and leave them anyway? But they can’t move out? But they can be left alone?

Lol the council won’t help.

Council won’t help disabled ‘toddler like’ adults? Martyr syndrome.

Hate to ask this OP what would happen to your A.C. If something happened to you?
I don't mean just financially but with the support you obviously provide them with at the moment?

They would die, eventually. It would be protracted and long drawn but eventually that would be the outcome, yes.

I’m not going to defend the toddler comment again sorry.

So they can't live independently then

Move out and leave your toddler adults to live independently like they can’t do on their own.

Sorry if someone already asked this, but would moving out definitely work? Would they pester you by phone or just come to your new home and pester you there? Would they cope in your existing home without you?

I have similar and mine are now 25. One now has a cleaning job after years of rejection and being thrown out of jobs and she also gets pip and the other gets esa and pip and classed as unfit for work.

One is a high functioning autist and they both have no short term memory due to a premature birth. I cope by working full time out of the house. Not sure if mine will ever be able to live completely independently and we have set up trustees to help with finances when we die. They now know how to shop and cooks simple things and after many many many lessons both can now also drive.

I would recommend you get help and apply for esa and pip for them as a start. I have a letter from the consultant saying that they are at risk of getting lost, risk of setting fire to the house and at risk of being financially manipulated as they are so naive which helped with the claims.

You are not alone and there is help out there. Mine first claimed jsa and it was the special needs advisor at the job centre who strongly suggested applying for esa and pip

Groan.

Are they like toddlers - are they toilet trained, can they speak on the telephone, can they catch a bus, yes.

Can they manage to keep clean, no, cook, no, be safe and not vulnerable to harm, no. Are they at risk? Yes very much so.

Are they like toddlers with mum mum mum mum mum yes.

I honestly don’t think I’ve said anything contentious here. I remember my mum complaining my dad was like a toddler when he had a cold. She didn’t actually mean he needed a nappy change.

There isn’t help when they refuse to take it Mur but thanks

Do you have a mortgage? Would you have to inform your mortgage company and building insurer that you were no longer living there? Would they be safe?

No no mortgage. Safe enough with me bobbing in and out.

Wish you all the best Op, honestly this thread is like talking to a toddler, full of riddles!

Idk what to say op. I guess if you can afford two homes so you at least have a bolt hole that would be something. But it doesn't sound like a situation with much of a resolution really, easy or otherwise.

You can rent rooms by the day. In someone elses house. Or perhaps a cheap Premier Inn for a while.

If they are safe enough with you visiting regularly and you can afford it then I'd do it, personally.

Can they manage to keep clean, no, cook, no, be safe and not vulnerable to harm, no. Are they at risk? Yes very much so.

Yet you say they can live independently and you are considering moving out? I presume the above means that you’d have to go in every day and cook and clean for them even if you did move out?