To move out because I cannot cope with adult children

[tartanpompom]

No point saying make them move out - not possible or practical.

But I need some peace, I have work at home to do and I can’t do it because am being pestered all the time.

I’m looking at places to rent. Am I insane?

I work from home a lot and get pestered by my kids and husband but I make it work. I wouldn’t move out!!! It’s part of a being in family to me. I think there must be a better solution -maybe you are not thinking straight because you’re at your wits end? Family life can be hard especially when you have to work but I think moving out and renting another house sounds a bit bonkers. I’m not sure what you want to hear from people. It’s just not the right way round?

Have you got room in the garden to put a big caravan - either for yourself or the kids?

Don't let anyone tell you they aren't entitled to services because they are. You are also entitled to a carers assessment. Have a look at the minimum thresholds for care services. If they can't access social activities on their own, maintain a property to a habitable standard, feed themselves, maintain personal hygeiene or make and develop relationships then they qualify for support. They also need some income. Speak to welfare rights at your local authority, they can advise you on this.

None of this will be easy, social services are great at saying no and you may have to fight (I have been for 2 years now and it's been hell) but you can't go on like this.

They won't accept help as they don't think there is anything different about themselves.

How is op supposed to work at a spa wrapped in a fluffy towel

Shed/caravan is a cracking idea though, much more practical!

ruffian, I didn’t post that suggestion but my ‘posh gym’ has an ‘adults only’ lounge with a nice coffee shop, free Wi-fi & power. Lots of people work in there during the day.

I can't think of a single blessed thing that might help you, OP.

In your position, I would be climbing the walls and screaming 'let me out'.

I would be dreaming of a Mary/Mark Poppins who would magically appear to remove the adult children to a distant room, sort out their anxieties, prevent them approaching me and distract them for hours on end.

Just a bit of respite when I was low and exhausted. Just a bit of hope that my life wouldn't always be like this.

I'm sorry. I don't know what to say that might help. You've looked at all avenues and you can't see a solution, and I believe you

What small or big things do you think would make a difference to your circumstances?

OP, you’ve been outstandingly rude to the many pp who are trying to help you. I really feel like telling you off for being so obtuse. You’ve asked for help, people are trying to understand your situation so they can give that help and whilst the answers may be obvious to you they’re not to people who don’t know them.
Be nice or don’t bother posting.

I have a feeling OP won't be coming back..

Why has OP done a runner? A lot of people have been very kind and supportive. There's loads of good ideas on this thread and quite a few people facing similar problems (I LOVE the caravan in garden idea ) Oh well.

Well, I’m not trying to be rude, it’s just that there’s little point me posting the same things and people getting angry/upset because they aren’t practical.

Also, I really don’t like giving our specific information; if that annoys or upsets you then again I am better not posting.

Thing is that when people have suggested ideas, you've said no that won't work without explaining why so we can't suggest anything better. Kind of a pointless exercise unless you use this thread to offload.

I have explained, but people don’t like my answers eddie

Some people have understood but so many just don’t ... anyway I didn’t come here to be rude.

I understand Tartan sometimes we are in situations where we have tried everything but nothing works .

Can you actually afford to move out and buy/rent a suitable place for yourself?

If you can then I think that's a good solution. As others have said, your DC will have the familiarity of remaining in their own home and you acknowledge that you will probably have to call in frequently to check they are OK.

I think some posters are being incredibly naive about expecting support from SS. There are just not the resources available for so many young adults. Yes of course we can all agree that it is a disgrace etc etc but the reality is that many parents are just totally exhausted and worn down by endlessly fighting bureaucracy.

Besides, an above poster has hit on the nature of the problem: they don’t accept there is anything wrong with them. So won’t accept help even when it’s offered.

OP I think people need a bit more info to understand your situation. If you really can’t say anymore then people are working blindfolded to try and help. It’s just stabs in the dark so what’s the point.
You come across as very dismissive too.

I have said I am not trying to and I appreciate people are trying to help but they offer suggestions that won’t work or be practical and then when I say this other posters keep offering them and then say how rude I am it’s quite upsetting actually so I don’t think I am going to come back - sorry. I only bobbed back on because I could see on TIO people had replied. But I should hide it really.

Don't hide , I'm in a similar situation, it's exhausting when you have suggestions fired at you that you know won't work. The only thing you can do is work on things that you have control over .

Sorry OP, I think I was a bit harsh. I just wanted people to be able to help you and I can see why they’re struggling with so little information. Can you expand on your answers and give more info?

In any case, I’ll leave the thread. You shouldn’t have to. Sorry.

Don't hide it, don't go away. Or maybe start a new thread on the SEN boards or somewhere other than AIBU. I think you'll get more appropriate responses.

At least say how many children, what ages and what diagnosis they have? That might help with more relevant and helpful answers.

I used to attend a carers' group. There was a woman there who had made the decision to buy a flat for her 2 adult sons. She moved them in and informed social services that she could no longer take responsibility for them.
She was at the end of her tether and nobody could blame her.
In the event, SS sorted out benefits and the arrangement worked.
OP I feel for you. Your stress must be intolerable.

If you can't get them out as you've said and the situation is killing you, then don't just move out. RUN. You matter too.
Sometimes there are extreme and rare situations where a person just won't cope and tehy have to save themselves. There was a tv programme ages ago how a woman left a husband and their 2 little children because, well, she couldn't hack it. One could judge, one couldn't understand but it all is immaterial. if someone can't cope, it means they can't cope.