To move out because I cannot cope with adult children

[tartanpompom]

No point saying make them move out - not possible or practical.

But I need some peace, I have work at home to do and I can’t do it because am being pestered all the time.

I’m looking at places to rent. Am I insane?

It’s normal and expected we work at home sometimes.

I think I understand OP.

I can well imagine that there are lots of young people (and no so young!) whose needs are not sever enough for supported accommodation but who would struggle to live alone...

Sorry you feel this way OP. Going on limited info from our post, but if you can leave your SN adult DCs, then surely they can live by themselves so could move elsewhere to be by themselves?

If they were to move out wouldn’t they be entitled to housing benefit?

You don't sound like you want any support really, every time someone suggests something you contradict yourself.

They are capable of living independently but they can't respect your space and you liken them to toddlers?

They can't move out but you can? Isn't that the same difference?

So you're going to run two homes with all the costs that entails, yes?

So they can live independently but they can't work, maintain a house, pay bills? What are they living on now?

Can you sell up and buy a place with an annex and either you or the dc live in the annex?

Money I give them.

holly don’t twist what I am saying ... it isn’t on really. There is a large grey space between entitled to support and able to live perfectly independently.

Where is their dad?

Don't think I twisted it at all.

Dead

Have they tried to get ESA? I’m getting the impression that it’s mental health issues, if it is have you tried contacting MIND? Or other local charities who may be able to signpost you to help. Do they have any professional input? Therapist? Doctor? I would still contact adult social services to see if they have suggestions. At some point they will need to live independently, what skills do they need to work on to get them to that point?

In the short term, could you rent a desk somewhere locally for work? Lots of towns and cities now have shared work spaces where you can rent a desk.

But how will they physically cope if you move out and leave them? I don't understand?

Honestly it’s fine; there just isn’t the help out there.

(I’m not trying to be difficult but I don’t want everybody accusing me of ignoring helpful advice when I’ve tried all this before.)

I really don’t want to be sat at a desk on a Sunday evening or similar ... I need to be at home.

Holly I guess in the same way they do now. I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you don’t understand.

For daytime personal space could a gym work? One with a decent lounge to work in and facilities for your relaxation and health.

For an occasional or even regular break have a look at Airbnb for local flats or even rooms in private houses which would be far cheaper than committing to two sets of housing expenses.

If you were to do this over a period of time could you also set a timeframe and plan for moving your dc towards independence? It can be done and there may be more support available than you realise. Your dc May also be more able than they present to you- defaulting to Mum is easy. But it’s driving Mum insane so something has to change.

The thing is matilda I need to be able to relax and focus which I just can’t do at the moment and I couldn’t do in an annex or a shed ... I certainly can’t work at a gym!

Because you likened them to toddlers and toddlers can't cope alone.

Will they leave the front door unlocked? Gas on? Bath taps running?

They can't understand that you need peace and quiet but they can run a home and all that brings with it?

Put them in the annexe or shed ?

Yes holly but you don’t seem to be understanding that the likening them to toddlers was specifically relating to the pestering I am feeling a bit harangued by you on this thread, tbh.

Yes -get a quiet apartment with minimalist decor, large picture window over nice view, lovely modern shower room , and a beige and white bedroom with just your own stuff on the bedside table.
When my DCs left Home, and their DF worked away, to be able to relax in a comfortable and tidy lounge with my choice of tv and food, no interruptions, able to choose my own bed time without comments - absolute bliss and none of mine are SN.
Definitely do it OP.

I guess it depends on your work- loads of people work in the lounge at my gym.

Sounds very difficult.

A friend of mine has recently sold up her house and bought a property with an annex. She has a decent sized lounge, bedroom, box room/office, kitchen and bathroom plus an area of garden and patio. Plenty of room for a single person and her dd and gchildren live in the main house.
An annex doesn’t have to be Pokey

What do you need to relax op?

Can you explain why an annex/working space at a gym etc wouldn't work for you?

I would love to swap our shed for a little garden office, but do you think you'd be bothered there too?

To be honest op if they can live independently then they need to be. It might seem harsh to throw your children out but if they are adults who would cope with you not being there they can cope in their own home.

If they can’t manage however it should trigger steps to get appropriate help in place. While they are fully funded and supported by you they won’t get any help.