To move out because I cannot cope with adult children

[tartanpompom]

No point saying make them move out - not possible or practical.

But I need some peace, I have work at home to do and I can’t do it because am being pestered all the time.

I’m looking at places to rent. Am I insane?

Did you post about this a week or so ago?

get a summerhouse get some power down there and set up a baby monitor x

The difference with me moving out is it is less brutal than ‘You are leaving!’ and also it’s unlikely anywhere would rent to them. Easier for me to leave.

If they have additional needs, how would they cope without you? If they can (even for a night or two), start looking at assisted living or similar. Unless you have the fountain of eternal youth, it's not practical to imagine them living with you forever and it's best to start looking now, before a crisis hits.

No anne I didn’t

There’s always one.

Have you any friends with empty houses weekdays that you could work from there in return for you either paying rent or something (walk their dog)?

No need to be grumpy with anne OP.
I also would suggest that you look for somewhere else to work and return home in the evenings.

Would your child be OK if you weren't there? Do they need you to be there most of the time?

Get on to social services. You are entitled to a carers assessment to see what help you are eligible for.

Could you use (rent?) a room in the house of a family member, neighbour or friend when you need peace?

If you can afford to move out, do, as long as stress at leaving your adult children at home is not going to make you feel worse.

Is it really not possible for them to be more considerate? How much do you have to do for them, or are they able to take care of themselves as long as they stay in their home? Would you have to run two households? Can you be sure they would not still make demands or not respect boundaries by constantly phoning or visiting (you can of course switch off your personal phone & have another for work or ask them to phone only at certain times except in emergency). Sorry, don't mean to interrogate you, not a lot of info to go on.

You are not insane, you have needs which are not being met.

I’m not being grumpy but if I HAD posted about it last week, then I would be posting about it again this week for a reason, and as it is, I didn’t, so I feel I have to defend myself.

At any rate no, I wouldn’t really want to live in someone else’s house anyway. I would like my own home, own space.

Do you have a garden, OP? Could you build yourself a shed-office out there, just to get a bit of space from the home?

I was going to suggest looking into supported living/sheltered schemes for your adult children. Do they have a social worker you could talk this through with? I agree with the PP who said it isn’t a practical or long term solution for you to move out of your home if your children are unable to live alone. Have you looked at local supported schemes in the past?

No, no social worker or anything like that.

Have you got adult social services involved? They should be able to setup respite or look at working towards independent living. There are places like L’Arche and Camphill that offer supported community living.

No social worker, first step would be to phone the adult disability team at your local council. Ask them to asses both your children and a carers assesment for you.

The needs wouldn’t be as severe as all that unfortunately.

If they are unable to live independently then their needs do sound severe?

They can live independently.

I don’t understand. They can live independently but you want to move out and have to leave your own home? Why?

I’m totally confused. If they can live independently, then why can’t you help them to find somewhere independent to live?

Where would they go?

Yep, I would move out and leave them to it.
Sometimes you just have to call it a day.

What are they pestering you about?

Gosh what don’t I get pestered about

Last night it was something about Instagram followed by intensely anxiety followed by loud meditating it that isn’t too much of a contradiction in terms.